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    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 28, 2011, 12:55 AM
    Muslim girl can marry a brahmin boy?
    I am writing to you,because I am in a great dilemma or confusion.I am a muslim girl and I am in love with a Hindu Brahmin boy.I want to marry him.But my parents are objecting.They say its very sinful marrying a hindu boy.Allah will punish you and you will not be happy since you will face many problems at the society front.
    I care a damn about the society,I am just worried about my parents... I just want them to accept me.If I want to be confident enough(proofs),to convince them.My parents keep blackmailing me that,we have done so much for you,how can you even think of this thing... what about our respect in the society and all.My father says if you marry against our wish we will die... I am really in a very painful situation.

    I want you to help me in this.Please tell me is it sinful marrying a Hindu boy? He says I can continue with my worship... He is a very nice guy from heart... He is a very kind,honest and believes more in actions than just praying... He says you do hardwork and you get it... He also says that Islam is a peaceful religion... So please tell me can I marry him?Will Allah punish me if I marry him?If I can marry him,Please tell me how can I convince my parents? Please help me...
    Kahani Punjab's Avatar
    Kahani Punjab Posts: 510, Reputation: 203
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    #2

    Dec 28, 2011, 05:49 AM
    Ayesha Mahesh,

    Firstly, I welcome you to this great site!

    From your name, it appears you are Ayesha and your lover is Mahesh, and you are from India, and in India, either from Gujarat or AP, Andhra Pardesh. Am I right?

    Is it sinful marrying a Hindu boy? Will Allah punish me if I marry him?

    NO, not at all. Religions are man-made. In the eyes of God, all (religions and men/women) are equal. God loves those who love each other, but it is a public perception in these religions that Hindu-Muslim wedlock is impossible. For Hindus, Muslims are sinners, and for Muslims, Hindus are infidels (kafirs). Religiously extremists people are against such wedlocks. But, today many people are getting moderate. Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudhi married Sharmila Tagore. Saif Ali Khan married Amrita Singh, and is now pursuing Kareina Kapoor (Chhamak Chhallo).

    But, most of the people are ignorant and unaware of the facts, and they fail to psychology of the lovers. For them prestige is everything. More crimes in India happen due to taboos (social, moral or religious) than anywhere else in the country. Moreover, only taboos are responsible for increasing crime graph in India. So many pairs/couples are killed over honour killings, which are really horror killings.

    Please tell me how can I convince my parents?
    Talk to your parents, tell them about your emotions, about your plans, about your passions, about how much you love each other. If they listen, plan first what they like, what they want, what are their aspirations. First, do the things they love and like. Do not do anything, which hurts them (excepting love thing). This way, when you will be able to win their heart, first let your friend meet him. Then slowly and steadily step to persuasion.
    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 29, 2011, 03:15 AM
    Am from Andhra pradesh
    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Dec 29, 2011, 03:16 AM
    Thanks for your acknowledgement. Please help me
    Kahani Punjab's Avatar
    Kahani Punjab Posts: 510, Reputation: 203
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    #5

    Dec 29, 2011, 05:18 AM
    Ayesha Mahesh,

    Nice to hear you again, but you did not react or reply to what I have written. Did you find my advice helpful? Didn't you try it? What is your opinion about it? I have told you to be soft and good in the eyes of your parents. Be a goody-goody person, for a while, and enter the good books of them somehow. Slowly and steadily, you will get a chance to intrude into their heart, and that will be time to persuade them. Man is like a coconut sometimes, soft inside, hard outside; and you need to breat that outer shell somehow. It may take time but believe me, one day you will be able to win your parents and Mahesh too. Let me cite an example here, about insistence and stubbornness of the parents. In Punjab, the orthodox parents do not allow their parents to get their haircut, but sometimes the girls have a strong liking for haircuts, and they invent certain excuses. My one pal was such a fellow. She first become very obedient, and cared for her hair full. One day, she entered the house weeping, crying and wailing. "What occured?" was her mother's instant query, and she said, "I was in the bus, when I found some chitter-chitter behind me and when I turned, I beheld a man, getting down the bus, when the bus was itself running, and he had a scissors in his hand. When I touched my hair, I was horrified and shocked to see my braid cut." And, lo and behold, she was having bob, that day, which to her parents was forced cut by someone. Afterwards, she never permitted her hair to grow beyond a certain length. Her parents soon became habitual. Now she tries different hairstyles - feather, bob, blunt, boy and laser.
    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Dec 29, 2011, 06:51 AM
    Thanks for your suggestion.

    We both working in a MNC. 10days back Mahesh met my parents when they came here to stay with me for few days and explained everything to them, then my Dad has convinced 60% with us. We have given few options to have Nikha without converting. But my Dad was not agreeing with that, its sin if we do Nikha with a non muslim guy. At least we have passed message to my parents that we like each other and we can't marry anyone else.

    Last week I went to my home to meet my parents, now they are asking me to leave my job and come back to home to stay with them. My dad told me that we don't do marriage now. Stay with us for few months with us then you can marry with any one else. They even ready to stop me in my home with out sending me to office. Any how I came to office now by telling them that I will complete my formalities and come back as I was afraid with the health condition of my Dad.

    Am so worried now. Not even getting a single idea to convince them and talk to them.

    How can I tell them that I cannot leave my job? How can I convince them to marry Mahesh? We don't want to elope. We want to marry with the happiness of my parents.

    Please help me.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Dec 29, 2011, 07:19 AM
    It is your parents religious belief. As for as happiness it is hard if you both fully believe and take your religion serious. Since both will feel the other does not have the true faith. If there are children which religion will they be allowed to grow up in.

    It is almost impossible for them to change their religious ideas. If the boy will go and meet with your parents and allow them to know that he will let you always worship your faith and that the children will be raised in your faith it may help.

    But there is no way to change them perhaps if they feel he will not harm your faith.
    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Dec 29, 2011, 07:27 AM
    Hmm... we already told them that no one would convert and we would follow all rituals. Now they are in temper on us. So I asked Mahesh to not to talk to Dad now.

    Now what I have to tell to my parents about leaving my job.

    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #9

    Dec 29, 2011, 08:18 AM
    Has the boy ever went and talked to your dad ? If not, it is his place to do so since it appears your parents are very close to traditions.

    Has he asked then what he can do, to win their favor?
    ayeshamahesh's Avatar
    ayeshamahesh Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Dec 30, 2011, 05:04 AM
    10days back Mahesh met my parents when they came here to stay with me for few days and explained everything to them, then my Dad has convinced 60% with us. We have given few options to have Nikha without converting. But my Dad was not agreeing with that, its sin if we do Nikha with a non muslim guy. At least we have passed message to my parents that we like each other and we can't marry anyone else.

    Last week I went to my home to meet my parents, now they are asking me to leave my job and come back to home to stay with them. My dad told me that we don't do marriage now. Stay with us for few months with us then you can marry with any one else. They even ready to stop me in my home with out sending me to office. Any how I came to office now by telling them that I will complete my formalities and come back as I was afraid with the health condition of my Dad.
    Kahani Punjab's Avatar
    Kahani Punjab Posts: 510, Reputation: 203
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    #11

    Dec 30, 2011, 05:21 AM
    Ayesha,

    First of all, you must convince your parents, not to disallow you from the office. Then, when, you and Mahesh are together, you can think of some options. Sit together once again with the parents to mollify them. Get the help of relatives, if they are supportive. What does your mother say?
    mudassir01's Avatar
    mudassir01 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Jan 9, 2012, 03:15 AM
    Hi Ayesha,

    If u are a true muslim and if you understood the Quran perfectly then u wouldn't have been in this dilema. Don't get mislead and don't go in the path of destruction.

    Reg the marriage check this link:

    http://islam.about.com/od/marriage/a/interfaithmarriage.htm

    The Qur'an lays out clear guidelines for marriage. One of the main traits you should look for in a potential spouse is a similarity in religious outlook. For the sake of compatibility, and the upbringing of future children, it is most recommended for a Muslim to marry another Muslim. However, in some circumstances it is permissible for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim.

    Muslim Man and Non-Muslim Woman

    In general, Muslim men are not permitted to marry non-Muslim women. "Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you.... Unbelievers beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the garden of bliss and forgiveness. And He makes His signs clear to mankind, that they may receive admonition" (Qur'an 2:221).
    An exception is made for Muslim men to marry chaste or pious Jewish and Christian women, who are referred to as "People of the Book." This comes from the understanding that Jews and Christians share similar religious outlooks - a belief in One God, following the commandments of Allah, a belief in revealed scripture (Books), etc. "This day are all things good and pure made lawful to you.... Lawful to you in marriage are not only chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity not lewdness. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost" (Qur'an 5:5).

    The children of such a union are always to be raised in the faith of Islam. This should be discussed thoroughly by the couple before they decide to marry.

    Muslim Woman and Non-Muslim Man

    Under no conditions is a Muslim woman permitted to marry anyone but a Muslim man. The same verse cited above (2:221) mentions, "Nor marry your girls to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever...." No exception is given for women to marry Jews and Christians, so the law stands that she may only marry a believing (Muslim) man. As head of the household, the husband provides leadership for the family. A Muslim woman does not follow the leadership of someone who does not share her faith and values.


    I hope the love fever or this infatuation about the non-muslim guy goes out of your mind and Almighty Allah saves u frm doing the wrong
    mudassir01's Avatar
    mudassir01 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Jan 9, 2012, 03:16 AM
    check out this link as well

    http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=2267&CATE=10
    johnny_advisor's Avatar
    johnny_advisor Posts: 1, Reputation: 0
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    #14

    Feb 13, 2012, 11:51 PM
    The brahmin boy must not marry you.. it is forbidden for him too in his religion to marry a non brahmin girl.. it is for the safety of the boy too.. because islamic fundamentalists could go to any extent to protect their false pride
    LoverOfBothLife's Avatar
    LoverOfBothLife Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Apr 28, 2012, 06:20 AM
    Dear Sister,
    If you think you can't change your religion then why are you changing the actual values of religion,it seems you are changing religious values as per your requierments,sister who said that if you married with non muslim then you are not sinner,sure you are sinner which you cannot repent for whole life if you are in relationship... ''if you think as truth you will never change your religion then the same truth is that... if you are marrying other than muslim you are sinner'' you can change but the values will be the same.As suggestion... if you really love that guy and want him to be with you forever here and hereafter then change him if you love him up to that instict,otherwise change yourself to another faith wich I as a muslim will never suggest you.and if he loves you to that instict then he must change himself to your faith.thats truth I can say otherwise as your understanding will grow you will find so many conflictive occasions... it is damn sure haa miss.I married a non-muslim girl but she converted to islam ,I woked hard... a struggle of 4 years then she convinced the truth... each and every part she understand.I did it because I wanted her in my life.. I was a knowlegable of islam she was well talented and her talents and arguments lead me to learn more to convince her and she convinced.and we are happy married couple now.my parents agreed her parents not agreed at first but after exactly 2 weeks they called and talked good and now we are in good relation ,I am everyday talking to them.it's fine as long as you are in love with each other.the main thing is you both decide wich religion you will choose to live your life,that's it.but don't keep separate religion in marriage you will find nothing.so first go ahead with 1 religion.
    Thanks...
    LoverOfBothLife's Avatar
    LoverOfBothLife Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Apr 28, 2012, 06:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by johnny_advisor View Post
    the brahmin boy must not marry you..it is forbidden for him too in his religion to marry a non brahmin girl..it is for the safety of the boy too..because islamic fundamentalists could go to any extent to protect their false pride
    You called from brahmin boy side as it's his religious faith and you called muslims as fundamentalists,I can say muslims are more fundamentalists than other faiths,so the word fundamentalism itself proves that muslims are more closer to there religion.
    Firstly you showed your injustice towards muslims secondly you agreed that muslims are more closer to religion... third I will tell you that go and find out why it is so.
    Sahil Kashmiri's Avatar
    Sahil Kashmiri Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    May 18, 2012, 03:01 AM
    I did not see this post before so was unable to guide you.
    Please make one thing sure that religion is our identity, we are known by our names, which clearly reflect our religion, customs, and beliefs. Love to an unknown person (in your case) is an emotional feeling which makes you blind to see the reality. One should never leave his roots, for time being you would feel hurt after separation from Mahesh but once you are out of this relationship you will find that how immature you were and how much you have hurt your parents.
    Being a Muslim girl you have already committed a great sin by having a relationship with non-Muslim guy, ask for forgiveness to almighty. Remember this world you are for a short period max to max 100 years, after that u have eternal life either in Heaven or hell depending on your deeds. Marrying a non-Muslim will definitely lead you to hell.

    Now think on following lines:
    1 if you are married and how much are you sure that you will stay happy with Mahesh for ever?
    2. Do you believe you can adjust to his customs?
    3. How you will get adjusted to his family. Friends and relatives?
    4 Do you feel you get respect when people will get to know that you left your religion?
    5. If in future there is any misunderstanding between you and Mahesh and things went out of control, what would you do? Who will support you?
    6. No one has control over death, if Mahesh dies after few years of Marriage! What would you do with rest of your life?
    7. What would happen to your children's? How would you bring them up? How would you deal with your daughter who would marry a Christan guy? And note one thing if you have daughter in future from this marriage, people would be reluctant to get her marry as your background will always have bad impression!

    By continuing this relationship you are bringing curse to your family. God will never ever make you happy. Remember this.
    nramesh1990's Avatar
    nramesh1990 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    May 22, 2012, 10:20 PM
    If my prediction is correct your parents are asking you to stay with them for your marriage with a boy from your community.
    It is just my prediction.
    Sahil Kashmiri's Avatar
    Sahil Kashmiri Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    May 23, 2012, 01:04 AM
    Lol.. that is obvious from her question.. hahahaha
    avibantu's Avatar
    avibantu Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Jun 7, 2012, 09:16 PM
    Dear Ayesha Mahesh,

    Love is great, love is eternal. No doubt, there is the patti of religious faith on your parents' eyes. But, in the interior, they love their sweet daughter to the fullest else they won't have allowed your affair to carry this far even after knowing about your relation with a non-muslim. So, this is a positive side.
    Moreover, what they are afraid of is about society. Damn with the society, your parents are not against you. So, take a step. No need of eloping. Marry Mahesh,court marriage is a good option. Then, go to your parents and seek their blessings. If they love their daughter, they shall definitely accept your noble decision. After all, your is a case of love, not lust.
    But, its advisory, to have police protection lest your parents might commit something out of social liability. Don't let that happen, bcoz as per Indian Constitution, you have done nothing wrong. Have the backing of Police and act judiciously. Love was never faulty and will never be stained. Any step taken out of love will fetch to righteousness.
    Don't separate. Ye pyaar ki haar hogi. Get married
    May Allah bless you, Lord Shiva protect you both.

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