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thenotrandom · Dec 17, 2010, 12:49 AM

I am in love with a married man for almost 2 years now. He loves his wife and his daughter. I do feel his love too. But sometimes (very few times though) I doubt it. But in the end, I think he loves me a lot but not as much as he loves his wife (he told me by himself)
I don't have any grudge against his wife and love his daughter as my own. I help his wife every time she calls me or needs me. I don't want their marriage to break. I have already told him that if there is a problem in his life because of me, then I will ask him to leave me.
I had sex with him, do everything he want, chosen the career of his choice, lie to my parents, lie to everyone, gave him money when he needed.
I can't let him go. Every time we had fight, I ended up apologizing to him.
So this makes me a mistress? Or a selfish or a bad person?

TheNanman · Dec 17, 2010, 01:20 AM

I don't know if it'd make you a mistress, I guess technically it would. The better question is, why are you still with him, when you personally know his daughter and wife, whom he's married to? I'm not trying to judge, but I would think the morality issues there would be enough to tell you that he's not someone you should be sleeping with. To some extent, you are a selfish person, as you apparently feel like you have to have this man, even though he's not yours.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 17, 2010, 05:09 AM

So the wife knows you are sleeping with her husband ?

Well a mistress is the nicest thing I would use to call you, a lot of other words come to mind.

sadkid7 · Dec 17, 2010, 06:16 AM

Well first you should not be messing around with someone else husband... you should always put yourself in other people shoes. How will you feel if you was marry and your husband has been seeing some other women.. not so great at all you should think about other people feeling... also do you think he is right for you let say he does end his relationship with his wife and gets with you who not to say he will cheat on you also for someone younger think ahead in life not just for the moment

talaniman · Dec 17, 2010, 07:05 AM

Warning: Sugar coated response
ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Fr_Chuck again.

That's all I will say too!!

answerme_tender · Dec 17, 2010, 07:34 AM

I have to agree with Fr chuck and Tal---Mistress is not the word that comes to mind when reading your post!!

thenotrandom · Dec 17, 2010, 08:21 AM

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
No she does not know anything

Comment on TheNanman's post
Thanks for your response. I do not know why I am still with him. I was not hungry for sex (he is the only person I had sex with), not desperate to have love (other guys have asked me out too). I don't get it why I fell in love with him...

Comment on Fr_Chuck's post
You could tell the other words too. I am here to get some help. So go ahead.

Comment on talaniman's post
Sorry I did not get your answer.

QLP · Dec 18, 2010, 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by thenotrandom

i am in love with a married man for almost 2 years now. he loves his wife and his daughter. i do feel his love too. but sometimes (very few times though) i doubt it. But in the end, i think he loves me a lot but not as much as he loves his wife (he told me by himself)

So he has told you he has stonger feelings for his wife than for you and you are happy to play second fiddle? Where is yourself respect?

Originally Posted by thenotrandom

i don't have any grudge against his wife and love his daughter as my own. i help his wife every time she calls me or needs me.

You think this makes it OK? His daughter isn't yours. He isn't yours. You sound like you are trying to say you are a friend to his wife while sleeping with her husband. Good grief! I don't know how either of you can look her in the face. If you loved his daughter you wouldn't be sleeping with her father behind her mother's back. Jeez if I had a friend like you I sure wouldn't need enemies.

Originally Posted by thenotrandom

i don't want their marriage to break. i have already told him that if there is a problem in his life because of me, then i will ask him to leave me..

So when the wife finds out he can go away and try and salvage his marriage? How magnamimous of you. Has it not occurred to you that it will probably be too late by then? Or is that what you are actually hoping for? If it would be OK for him to leave you then why not now?

Originally Posted by thenotrandom

i had sex with him, do everything he want, chosen the career of his choice, lie to my parents, lie to everyone, gave him money when he needed.
i can't let him go. every time we had fight, i ended up apologizing to him.
so this makes me a mistress? or a selfish or a bad person?

So you're happy to be his doormat, decieve everyone around you, just so you can keep having him come around to take what he wants?

Stop fighting with him. Just tell him it is over and leave him alone. Start respecting his marriage, even if he doesn't, that's for him to sort out. Start respecting yourself and the people you are lying to.

Jake2008 · Dec 18, 2010, 06:27 AM

Can you better explain how you know this married couple, and how you know their daughter? Are you employed by them?

CinnamonBrownie · Dec 27, 2010, 06:58 PM

I'd like to add to the above answers, that as a practical matter the most likely way you're going to actually resolve this situation is to "work on yourself," and the best way to do that, for you, is to seek the advice of a psychotherapist or other counseling service. I think it'd be great for you, and also the man you're seeing, as well as his wife and family. A win all around! Please consider it...