I didn't see anyone post any jokes today so I thought I would post a few randys I found on the internet
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a
hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who
pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my
change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and
engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again
and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more."
"You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my
friend howa to spella Mississippi."
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Wise thoughts on everything
1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him
a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet
and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't
help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut
saves you thirty cents?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that
it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
13. You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung
around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I
think we should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration & Homeland Security.
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