KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws
in Los Angeles and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick
up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled
up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her
head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned
and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now
open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and
Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had
been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car
because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her
hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread
dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had
exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a
gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and
thought it was her brains.
She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her
brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I'm certain that's irrelevant.