Support your right to bare arms - wear a short sleeved shirt!
Q: Why do Farts stink?
A: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.
Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: "Dam".
Q. Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?
A. He thought he was a griller.
Q. Why was six afraid of seven?
A. Because seven eight nine.
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other: "Your round.”
The other one says: "So are you, you fat b@**@*d"
It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!!!!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream."
He said: "Hundreds and thousands?"
I said: 'We'll start with one."
He said: "Knickerbocker Glory?"
I said: "I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes."
So I went to the dentist. He said: "Say Aaah." I said: "Why?" He said: "My dog's died.'"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
And finally (especially for Labman and Rubypitbull!);
Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
Hope you enjoyed people! Add some of your own and enjoy the weekend!
J
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