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I need a good joke. Not a knock knock joke, mind. A super funny joke. SUPER funny joke that EVERYONE will laugh at. Not a dirty joke, maybe a funny joke that kids under 11 will understand, and their parents would approve of. Im babysitting, and I promise him a funny joke every time I come over. he is 10 years old, and his parents are sort of overprotective.
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
A good chess player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
I found these....They made me laugh and no bats or dogs were offended.
Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' 'Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,' came the reply.
Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: 'Do you notice anything different about me?'
'Well,' she said stammering, 'you have no ears.'
Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.
The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart, he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Tony was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:
'Do you notice anything different about me?'
Much to his surprise, the young man answered, 'Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?'
Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.
'How in the world did you know that?', he asked.
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied,
'Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!!'
!!!
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