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[size=4]Seven degrees of Blonde![/size] [size=4]`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said "How should I
know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said,
"I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."
`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The
second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the
first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
4*:-.,_,-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde
replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
Freshman, sat in her US government class. The
professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then
finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"
`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I
come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."[/size] [size=4][/size] [size=4]
Hi,
Very good, Chery!!
Here is another one:
A Big City lady lawyer was driving down a country dirt road, and came upon a sheep ranch. She drove up to the house, got out, and started looking around.
The man who owned it walked up to her and asked what she is doing. She replied that she was just curious about the sheep, and that they were really pretty. She asked the man, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have out there, will you give me one, free?"
The man thought she was nuts, and said OK. The lawyer said "98". The man said "That's amazing; you are right; go get you one".
The lawyer was walking away toward her car, and the man yelled to her: "If I can tell you the true color of your hair, will you give me my dog back"?
Here is another one:
A doctor asked a blonde, worried about Bird Flu, if she knew the symptoms of Bird Flu. The blonde answered, "Yes there are 4 symptoms.".
1. Cold sweats.
2. Headaches
3. Muscle ache
4. Crapping all over windshields.
Hi,
Very good, Chery!!
Here is another one:
A Big City lady lawyer was driving down a country dirt road, and came upon a sheep ranch. She drove up to the house, got out, and started looking around.
The man who owned it walked up to her and asked what she is doing. She replied that she was just curious about the sheep, and that they were really pretty. She asked the man, "If I can tell you the exact number of sheep you have out there, will you give me one, free?"
The man thought she was nuts, and said OK. The lawyer said "98". The man said "That's amazing; you are right; go get you one".
The lawyer was walking away toward her car, and the man yelled to her: "If I can tell you the true color of your hair, will you give me my dog back"?
Here is another one:
A doctor asked a blonde, worried about Bird Flu, if she knew the symptoms of Bird Flu. The blonde answered, "Yes there are 4 symptoms.".
1. Cold sweats.
2. Headaches
3. Muscle ache
4. Crapping all over windshields.
Have a great day.
Those are cute! Humor is Good Medicine! Thanks for joining in.
An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to New York."
A little later, the pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York."
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, "A third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to new York."
At this point, a blondie passenger said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"
PS - I stole this. It did say "a passenger said"...but it sounded like a great blonde joke to me, so I inserted "blondie"...
A plane is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in
Economy Class
gets up and moves to First Class and sits down. The
flight attendant
watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She
then tells the blonde
passenger that she's paid for Economy and that she
will have to go and sit
in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm
going to Sydney and
I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells
the pilot and co-pilot
that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First
Class that belongs in
Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because
she only paid for economy she is only entitled to an
economy seat and
she will have to return to her original seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm
going to Sydney and
I'm staying right here!"
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was
no use and that he
probably should have the police waiting when they
land, to arrest this
blonde girl that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle
this, I'm married to a
blonde, and I speak blonde!"
He walks back to the blonde, whispers in her ear,
and she says "Oh, I'm
sorry- I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her
seat in the
economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss.
The Pilot replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Sydney"
Hey Jake - that was a good one! Thanks for sharing.
Here's another blond wrapup of the Year - hope you guys like it.
The following is from my CompletelyFreeSoftware Site:
[SIZE=4]SMILE OF THE WEEK[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4](contributions for this section are most welcome)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]=: The Blond Year in Review :=[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]February - Ordered new drapes for her computer because it had windows.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months because the box said "2-4 years."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water wouldn't fit into the little packet.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]September - When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C".[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]October - Hates M &Ms because they are so hard to peel. Threw away half because they were misprinted W&W.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]November - Baked a turkey for four days because the instructions said one hour per pound and she weighed 120.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][author unknown][/SIZE]
going to Sydney"
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