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[size=4]Seven degrees of Blonde![/size] [size=4]`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said "How should I
know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said,
"I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."
`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:-.,_,.-:*4`4*:
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The
second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the
first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"
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THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
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FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde
replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
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SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
Freshman, sat in her US government class. The
professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then
finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"
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SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I
come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."[/size] [size=4][/size] [size=4]
Ok there are 3 people. They have been captured by cannibals. The cheif cannibla says they can live only by completing one task. He tells the three to go get 10 kinds of each fruit and come back. After they bring them he will tell them what to do next. So, the 3 guys leave and the first guy somes back with 5 apples. The cheif cannibal tells him that he has to put each and everyone of the apples in his butt WITHOUT showing any emotion. He sticks one in and makes a face that shows pain. They kill him. The next guy some with 10 verry small berries. The cheif tells him what to do. He sticks up to 9 berries before collapsing to the floor laughing. (Remember there were 3 people. Alot of people get confused here.). The first 2 people meet in heaven. The first guy asks, "Why did you laugh? You could have lived!!" and the second guy replies, "I couldnt help it!! I saw the other guy coming with PINEAPPLES!!!!"
[SIZE=6]One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"[/SIZE][SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]He yelled back, "[/SIZE][SIZE=6]University[/SIZE][SIZE=6] of Oklahoma[/SIZE][SIZE=6]."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6] And they say blondes are dumb...[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you.."[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" [/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]A: A rumor[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6] Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy![/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] A PRAYER.... [/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE] [SIZE=6]Dear Lord, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]Love to forgive him;[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]And Patience for his moods.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]I'll beat him to death.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]AMEN[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6] Q: Why do little boys whine?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]A: They are practicing to be men.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]A: Trustworthy.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?[/SIZE]
[SIZE=6]A: To stop the snoring before it starts.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: What is the difference between men and women?[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.[/SIZE][SIZE=6] [/SIZE][SIZE=6] Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?[/SIZE][SIZE=6]
[/SIZE][SIZE=6]A: [/SIZE][SIZE=6]Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"[/SIZE]
This is a very not that funny joke my friend told me...
There is a blonde mother that has 3 kids. They are all girls. Only two look the same and one doesnt. The mother is mentally disabled and calls the twins Nobody and the other Stupid.15 years later they are grown up and they go out to walk. The 1 twin falls in a very deep hole and cries for help. The other twin tries to help her out. Stupid decides to run to a nearby cop. She says "Nobody fell in a hole and Nobody is helping her!!!" the cop answered, "Are you stupid?" and Stupid replies, "Yes I am and it is very nice to meet you too but could you go help Nobody pull out Nobody!?"
I got another one... possibly the best one I've posted....
3 girls are climbing up a golden pyramid. 1 is a redhead 1 is a brown head and 1 is a blonde. Every step they take a mummy comes out and tells a joke. If they laugh they have to go down and never back up again. The redhead went up 28 stairs and laughed, the brown head went op 84 stairs then laughed, and finally the blonde went up 99 stairs then laughed before the mummy told the joke.So the mummy asked, "why did you laugh I haven't told the joke yet?" So she replied,"I barley got the 1st joke!".
A blonde goes into a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink
curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blonde seemed to be
having a hard time choosing.
Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked
what size curtains she needed. The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman, "That sounds very small. What room
are they for?"
The blonde says, "Oh, they are not for any room - they are for my
computer monitor." The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss,
computers do not have curtains." The blonde says, " Hellooooooooo -
I've got Windows."
2) This really hot redhead goes into the doctors office.
The doc asks. So what seams to be the problem
She says, Well doc my whole body's in pain. From head to toe.
Puzzled he says, What do you mean?
She said, look I'll show you. So she presses with her finger on her cheek and she screams like crazy. Then she presses on her arm and screams like crazy. She presses on her thigh and screams. Then lifts her leg and pushes on her ankle and screams.
The doctor looks at her and asks, You're not really a red head are you?
She says, No actually I'm a natural blonde, Why?
The Doc says cause your body is fine. Your finger is broken.
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