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Home > Arts & Leisure > Humor & Comedy   »   Adam_89 joke selection (merged)

 
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:10 AM
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Adam_89 joke selection (merged)

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Paul and Mary get married
But couldn't afford a honeymoon -
So they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house
For their first night together.

In the morning
Johnny - Paul's little brother -
Gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door
To go to school - he asks his mom
If Paul and Mary are up yet.

She replies - No.

Johnny asks - Do you know what I think ?

His mom replies - I don't want to hear
What you think !

Just go to school.

Johnny comes home for lunch
And asks his mom -
Are Paul and Mary up yet ?

She replies - No.

Johnny says - Do you know what I think ?

His mom replies - Never mind what you think !

Eat your lunch and go back to school ..

After school - Johnny comes home and asks again -
Are Paul and Mary up yet ?

His mom says - No.

He asks - Do you know what I think ?

His mom replies - Ok - now tell me what you think

He says - Last night Paul came to my room for the
Vaseline and I think..

I gave him my airplane glue.

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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:12 AM   #2  
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Lie Detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks..

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.

Tommy was over 2 hours late..

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John..

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied.

We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair

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Silverfoxkit agrees: Loved it. Thanks for the laughs.
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:29 AM   #3  
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Poor little kid
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:30 AM   #4  
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That was great!

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adam_89 agrees: Thanks
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:43 AM   #5  
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Thanks. I thought it was hilarious and wanted to share it. Hope others like it too.

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Catsmine agrees: Possibly one of the top five little Johnny jokes ever!
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 11:44 AM   #6  
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Poor father too.

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Just Dahlia agrees: Oh yeah, him too!
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 12:43 PM   #7  
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Cigarettes and Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 12:48 PM   #8  
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Very funny.
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 01:01 PM   #9  
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Thank You Twinkie. Glad you enjoyed it
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Old Sep 23, 2009, 04:34 PM   #10  
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Ha Ha................very good Adam , loved it


Speaking of weddings , if Claudia Schiffer married Brains from the Thunderbirds would that make her Claudia Schiffer-Brains ?

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Catsmine agrees: Too late
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