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mean2u444 · Nov 6, 2009, 05:15 AM

Hey... I've never posted on here before, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I have nowhere else to turn.

Ok... My girlfriend and I had been going out for two years. We were high school sweet hearts. Went to the prom together (or formal, in Australia), and did everything together. But after about a year into the relationship, I re-united with an old friend from school. Someone who had once had a crush on me, and one I had a crush on. Over that time, this girl and I got closer. After about a month of talking over the computer, we decided to meet up. Although nothing happened, besides a hello and goodbye hug, I lied to my girlfriend about it, and told her we never met. My girlfriend became jealous and felt betrayed. She told me never to talk to her again, and I promised. Throughout the 2nd year of our relationship, the pressure was building in me from constant text messages and old feelings arising between myself and the former crush. I broke my girlfriend's promise and lied, continuing to talk to her. This went on for a while, as the pressure built up. Eventually, it caused me to become a completely different person, and I always made my girlfriend cry.
One day, my girlfriend found out. She also found out I told the crush girl that we'd broken up, which we did, but never told her we got back together. I was a fool. My girlfriend left me.
I was stubborn about it for a couple of weeks. Then I started to miss her. I had broken connections with the crush girl, and was ready to make a fresh start. But then, as I tried to get her back, I found out she slept with another guy, less than 2 weeks after we broke up. It hurt a lot.
I was depressed after this, but I didn't let it stop me. I tried to get back with her, and she took me back after it. We spent a week together, being a perfect couple, doing things we'd never done before sexually, being the perfect boyfriend and everything. Then after that week, she told me she didn't feel the same way and our relationship was tainted. I tried everything to get her back. I made peace with her friends, family and bought a promise ring to promise I could change. But she still denied it and wanted to be friends.

Now, I've given her a time to herself like she wanted. I'm hoping that after she cools down, she'll take me back. Cause I never left her since we got back together for the week. I kept bugging her cause I loved her.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. Will she ever take me back? Should I even be bothering with someone who virtually cheated on me? I know she still loves me. We were eachother's firsts. I love her with all my heart, and I feel like dying for the way I treated her over the 2nd year of our relationship. I know she's the right one for me. The one I want to marry. I just need advice guys. How do I get her back, if I can? I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to get her back.

Thanks.

Dave605 · Nov 6, 2009, 05:40 AM

Well.. Lets look at it this way. Who cheated most out of the two. You only hugged a person and texted messaged them and lied some. She slept with a guy two weeks after breaking up with you. It seems like you weren't in her thoughts very much. If she cared so much like you care about her now. You would think she would be depressed that whole time. Especially if your each other's first. I'd go with the old crush. If you let it go and it comes back to you. That's a good sign it was meant to be. You talked with the crush again? Sounds like a possibly go.

amicon · Nov 6, 2009, 11:11 AM

You lied to her for so long and you broke her trust. She slept with somebody else when you were broken up-so what? You weren't together then-you however went behind her back for ages.
Chalk this one up to experience.

Gemini54 · Nov 6, 2009, 02:57 PM

Look, you set a pattern in this relationship. You were dishonest, disrespectful to her feelings and you lied. For a whole year. You wanted to have it both ways - her and the crush.

Would you go back to someone that behaved like you?

You're bleating now because she doesn't want you - why should she? You can't be trusted.

Claiming that she's the love of your life and that you want to marry her is just your guilt and your ego talking. If you really loved her you'd have treated with respect. Women hate being disrespected and she's clearly looking elsewhere.

Be realistic, you've really screwed this one up.

mean2u444 · Nov 6, 2009, 05:33 PM

Dave: she was depressed the whole time. This guy was one of our best friends, and she slept with him because: she was drunk, and he was her shoulder to cry on. He took advantage of her. She's already told me how guilty she felt for doing it, and that she's been really depressed and angry at everyone since then.
Gemini: no, I wouldn't go back with someone that behaved like me straight away. I'd give it time. Which is why I'm wondering if she'll give it time too. I know its all negative, but even during the second year of our relationship there were a lot of really great times. Just got mixed with newer bad times that weren't there before. Of course it's my guilt talking! I miss the girl. Its not my ego though. It doesn't make me feel better to know I miss her. I do treat her with respect. Just when I got mad, I never told anyone and it built inside me, and I let it out on the wrong person.

I have screwed it up, but I'm doing the NC thing now, and I'm hoping that she'll remember how good we were together and come back to me.

liz28 · Nov 7, 2009, 07:27 AM

NC is for you not her. You should learn and grow from this experience and hopefully not repeat the same mistake in the future with someone else. She may or may not come back to you and you need to accept that and move forward instead of staying stuck because if you keep on thinking how your thinking you will stay stuck.

sully123 · Nov 7, 2009, 07:48 AM

Don't mean to be harsh, but you cheated. She has every right to be mad at you. She didn't cheat she was broken up with you. If it was me, in the situation, I couldn't trust that person anymore. It's hard to regain the trust after someone hurts you like that. I think you both need some cooling off, and some space. Maybe now you learned from this, you don't cheat. It's a hard lesson to learn. It's not worth I,t at the end very few relationships ever survive after that. You snooze you loose sometimes.. You said how good you were together, you weren't good or you wouldn't cheated on her like that. Sorry!

I wish · Nov 7, 2009, 09:14 AM

Concerning the moral issues. You already emotionally cheated on her. So the trust is broken.

You obviously are willing to repair this relationship and she knows it. So there's no reason to put anymore pressure on her. Go do your own thing. Don't contact her anymore. Focus on yourself and making yourself a better person, and not the emotional cheater that you told us about.

Sounds like she just wants to remain friends. You can be a patient for a little longer to see what happens, but if she doesn't want to try anymore, then you accept her decision and move on.