| Happy Hours at work and co-workers lack of inhibitions
What's the best way from an HR perspective for an employee to deal with the following situation: I am a female working at a software firm. On Friday afternoons, my employer throws a happy hour on another floor in my building. They have munchies, wine and beer, people can mingle, eat, drink, and play ping pong and other games.
I'm in a situation where a male (married) co-worker who has an office a few doors down from me loses his inhibitions after he consumes a few alcoholic beverages at these happy hours. I rarely go to these events, but even if I run into this man in the hallway on my floor after he's had alcohol at a happy hour, he sometimes creeps me out with his behavior. It's about invading my personal space (pressing his body against me) and breathing a little too heavily in my face when he's under the influence – and he doesn't do it in front of others. I don't know this guy well enough to even want to have these kind of casual conversations with him on a frequent basis and I feel physically violated. I see it as an opportunity for him to hang around me for his own personal reasons. One time at a weekly meeting (where alcohol was not served) I observed him staring at my chest and it made me feel really uncomfortable.
I dress appropriately at work and I'm not "asking" for this type of attention. I mind my own business and focus on doing my job. I don't hang out at happy hour and I don't flirt with the men.
It's happened 3 times now with this guy. How have I dealt with it? I step a few feet away from him and cross my hands in front of my body and say something to end the conversation (like I'm busy and need to get back to my work).
It does the trick but it doesn't prevent it from happening again. The last time it happened, he chased me down the hallway as I was walking to my office. I felt ambushed.
When he's under the influence, he's unaware and he violates my personal boundaries. Also, he came into my office one time after a happy hour event and stood too close to me while I was seated in my chair. His body language was threatening and I'm concerned this could escalate with him. At 5:30 PM, when a lot of people are not around, in my kind of exterior office with a door, he could commit an assault of some sort, given enough booze.
I see this as a red flag about him and I do not feel safe around this guy. I also feel angry because this "grownup" should know better. But apparently he doesn't and now I have to do something uncomfortable to make myself safe at work.
What do I do?
My first choice is to verbally tell this guy (without coming across as angry or rude) that I need more personal space. This is very unpleasant for me because I don't want to have to talk about this guy's creepy behavior to his face. But what other choice do I have? To keep putting up with it?
Do I tell my boss? Then he has to get involved and I really don't need the drama.
Do I talk to HR about it? My experience is that women are too often blamed for this type of stuff when they have nothing to do with it. So I really don't want to be "blacklisted" by my HR people as some sort of troublemaker.
My personal opinion is that this firm should not be serving alcohol to employees. I do not feel safe in my office after happy hour kicks in. I've also noticed that this co-worker often takes the party down to his office where he can hang out for a few extra hours with other employees and continue to drink in his office. This could be a disaster one of these days.
Yes, I could leave before happy hour kicks in and avoid the whole scene. But I tend to stay at my office until 6:30 PM, especially if I have a lot to finish up before the weekend.
Advice? Feedback???
Thanks!
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