[augustsun]

Hi, the answers here are really strange to me because I am going through the same scenario. My son acts like I don't know him and never did. He calls me shameful names, tells me to bury myself in possessions and that I am a lying pig, a lying pig?? He broke into my house and broke the external windows. The month before, I had to call the cops so he would stop harassing me in my own home. He moved out. This month, I had to pick him so so he could use my car and he freaked out saying I was 15 minutes late. I wasn't. He said that I apologized for being late the next day. I didn't. He freaked out and it's come to this.

The reason why I say that your answers are strange is that your sons are 18. Mine is 23. Does this mean he's a late bloomer or that he is psychotic for sure? I'm really serious. It's very scary. We don't talk to each other at all... mainly because he hasn't made one attempt to do so and because I am way too shocked to even attempt to.

I think the advice here is correct: Let them be. No contact is the best. I can honestly say that I don't miss him... I'm too shocked to feel anything. I just hope he comes out of this soon. It's really sad because before this, we were very, very close. Perhaps that is the problem. Nevertheless, I have no guilt about this at all. I'm done with guilt. I'm a good person who just happened to be surrounded by a sick family and I'm just becoming able to pull myself out of it. Me thinks that I am alone in my survivorhood. Take care all...

[sadmomincalif]

[QUOTE=augustsun]Hi, the answers here are really strange to me because I am going through the same scenario. My son acts like I don't know him and never did. He calls me shameful names, tells me to bury myself in possessions and that I am a lying pig, a lying pig??
The reason why I say that your answers are strange is that your sons are 18. Mine is 23. Does this mean he's a late bloomer or that he is psychotic for sure? I'm really serious. It's very scary. We don't talk to each other at all... mainly because he hasn't made one attempt to do so and because I am way too shocked to even attempt to.

I think the advice here is correct: Let them be. No contact is the best. I can honestly say that I don't miss him... I'm too shocked to feel anything. I just hope he comes out of this soon. It's really sad because before this, we were very, very close. Perhaps that is the problem. ****

I am new to this site as well. I am so sad right now, and cannot cry because I am the caregiver to my terminally ill mother. I am truly sandwiched. My son is 21, 22 in March and he has for the last 5 years been a stranger to me. This year he started to act more like a human being again, but it doesn't take much to set him off. He and I cannot be in the same room and talk over 5 minutes without the energy going to negative.
I feel so sad and alone. I know that others are going through this as well, but I feel like I have done everything the last 22 yrs. Totally wrong. I am not sure what to say anymore.

[augustsun]

Hi Sadmom... I'm sad too. It's hard to take, isn't it? How can you raise someone that you loved so much, sacrificed so much for and yet they can't stand you? My son responded to an email about my having some stuff that he left here (he has his own apartment now), all he could do is be beligerant and accusatory, wanting so much for me to admit my wrongs. I was very calm and kept to the subject, as I really have no guilt in my raising him. But no matter what, it still hurts worse than any pain that I could ever hope to suffer. I just want you to know that I am with you in this. I wish I could just talk it over with you, be there, because a pain like this, only a mother could understand. Let's just try to have the best new year and pray that they will have the best new year too. 1ove...

[sadmomincalif]

I am sitting in my mothers home. I am 49 yrs old and she is terminally ill. I have a 21 yr son, who hates me. This afternoon I went over to our condo to just get a break from here, and he has a cold. So, I asked him if he wanted me to cook some food for him, he said no. He asked what I was doing there. I said I needed a break, and if he was not still mad at me, maybe we could talk a bit, if not I just wanted to watch some TV in my room and rest. He said nothing so I went in my room and of course, then he talked. I own my business and he works the store for me when I am helping mom. He really wants to grow the business, yet he refuses to accept that I am the one in charge of making the decisions that affect the bottom line. I let him have lots of freedom, and when I tell or share or write or any other way of communicating the goal or reason for my decision, he argues and then the fighting starts.

That is what happened yesterday, he was at the store, and he kept calling me and wanting to talk about the bookkeeping. I said write down your questions and comments and I will review them and we can talk about them one item at a time. He said I was disrespecting him and after a few heated calls, he informed me he was closing my store and good luck. He left. I had to secure my mom, and then I went down there and picked up the money and made sure the door were locked. They were. I then called a former employee and offerred her 3 days a week after the holidays.

Well, this morning, he was once again, telling me what a mis-managed person I am and that he saw the problems and had "solutions" he proceeded to go on about his solutions. Never once mentions that he is a problem. He said I was not to interuppt him and let him talk for 30 min. After about 10 minutes, I said, "it is impossible to have a conversation with you. I cannot keep up with all the items and then be able to discuss one, because you are on to ten other things. " He said I was slow and not smart. Mind you, I have a BS degree, a contractors license and raised him alone. Father left at conception.

I took a deep breath and he continued, I finally said, "this is not your problem, because I hired Elenore." At that point, he got so angry. I said you walked out yesterday and told me you were not coming back. This is not the first time you have walked on the store. What did you think was going to happen. I am not held hostage to your tyranny. He said I was using him, that I was mentally ill, that I had abused him his whole life, that is why he could trash me so easily. He said I was a whore, don't know where that came from, but it got thrown in the mix of verbal abuse. I finally said, I can't listen to this anymore. I went in my room and started to break, then I just decided to leave. I have not been back. I feel so sad, so tired of this. We were close. Were being the key word. Now he can't stand me and I miss him until things like today happen and once again, we are not family, that's how it feels.

If I knew the pain having a child would bring, I would have had an abortion and had my tubes tied. I am such a loser. I failed.

[sadmomincalif]

It is the next day.
He called me last night and apologized.

That was good. It seems that human beings are more complex than just the simple sad/happy/mad emotions.

I am educated in child development, yet, I am hurt and stunned when my adult (according the number of birthdays=adult) treats me.

I read on sites like these, and the 12 step program seems to pop up, the serenity prayer applies to every situation and for the most part, even with all the information available, the answer is "this too shall pass."

So, dear readers, for today, my "situation" has passed. I am sure there will be more, hopefully and it seems to be less frequent.

As parents, we must stay strong when that is the last thing we want or can do. As guardians of the future generations, we must keep our eye on the goal- To raise fully functioning adults.

I am tired, thank you for letting me share. Thank you to this site for being here for me.