| HOW TO INSTALL A NEW HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14 - 16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Cooter,
I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the Pit Bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.
I don't think Killer dun it, but it's hard to tell from all the blood.
P.S. I locked all four of 'em in the house. | 
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