stay at home mom's

Neena03 · #1 Dec 12, 2006, 05:59 AM

I am in need of the REAL value of a stay at home mom. I have checked out sites for Nannies, and house keepers, and I am getting some ideas.
But, I am really needing to know, when my fiance throws in my face that he pays all the bills, do I have any right to throw back of the cost that I am saving him by staying home.
I take care of the house and all that that includes, his 12 yr. old son, the errons, lawn care etc. etc.
It was agreed between the two of us that I would quite my job to do this stuff full time. Although, I was doing all of this before and working full time.
I am not one to complain, but getting real tired of it.
Any advice good or bad would be greatly appreciated.

Neena03 · Dec 12, 2006, 06:11 AM

Thank you. Yes, this is what I have thought of doing, just not sure how it will blow up in my face!
Thank you again

valinors_sorrow · Dec 12, 2006, 07:03 AM

Next vacation, suggest you'll work at XXX (whatever you can find short notice) while he work at stay-at-home dad for the entire week. Then maybe the true value will be known?

There was a cartoon once that showed a house in shambles, the kids a mess with a very dismayed man standing next to her still in pajamas in bed reading a book and eating bon bons. The caption read: "You know how you keep asking me what in the world do I do all day --- well, today I didn't do it!"

Additionally, there were judges back when women's lib first began, who decreed in divorce preceedings that whatever the man earns as income, so does the housewife make as an equal contribuition to hearth and home while not actually earning money, and as a result justified splitting things 50/50. That set a value that, while not exactly accurate, was at least more fair.

Keeping score of things in a relationship is not a good sign, you know? Just a little food for thought I hope is helpful to you.

Tuscany · Dec 12, 2006, 07:07 AM

Val-
My mom did that to my dad once. She left with her sister on vacation for 3 days and left my dad to be the stay at home dad. I loved my dad more then anything...but man did he have trouble. Between horsebackriding, basketball, volleyball, and the cooking...dad did not have time to clean. Before mom came home we had an entire cleaning day...of course we blew him in to my mom...he never mentioned my mom only working part time (she taught nursery school on Tuesday and Thursdays) ever again.

cyberslider · Dec 12, 2006, 09:31 AM

Get a price for a full time Nanny service and go for the highest price I am sure it will be at least 10 dollars an hour or more and then tell him you are going to go back to work and he has to pay have of the nanny service and it will cost him this much. See how he responds to that

ordinaryguy · Dec 12, 2006, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Keeping score of things in a relationship is not a good sign, you know? Just a little food for thought I hope is helpful to you.

I'll second that. It's not a good sign that your fiance feels a need to be constantly reminding you of the fact that he pays all the bills and minimizes the value of your contribution. It probably means that he harbors some kind of resentment toward you, and it may not have anything to do with money. While two can certainly play the my-contribution-is-bigger-than-yours game, I'm not sure the outcome will necessarily be what you really want. I think it would be better for the long-term health of your relationship if you can get to the bottom of it and figure out where the resentment is coming from. It may take some counselling or other outside help to achieve that.

BradH · Dec 19, 2006, 05:35 PM

Are you sure he's not just kiddin around? I do this to my wife every now and again, I know she hates it but I'm a guy and apparently not very smart. First question is why are you staying home with a 12 year old, isn't he in school? My wife stays home with my 2 year old son and she has been a stay at home mom for 6 years now, ever since my daughter was born. I would never be a stay at home parent...my job is way easier than taking care of kids and cleaning up a house. I appreciate every ounce of effort my wife puts into her job (homemaker) and openly admit that its not something I have the patience for. One full day of watching the kids is enough for me...can I go back to work now...please!



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