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Wanted: Your Favorite Short Halloween Stories and Jokes!"
For some of us, the observance of the holiday of Halloween is almost here! I am just looking for people to share some favorite short, maybe scary - maybe not, Halloween stories and fun Halloween jokes. Simple jokes, rhymes, riddles, silly, childish, etc. Just a catch-all of some of what you might enjoy on the side of having fun on Halloween! Some short stories would really be nice!
Here are some examples:
Why did the ghost cross the road?
Answer: To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
What ghost helped the Little Leaguers win their game?
THE TEAM SPIRIT!
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.
The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "GET OFF OUR F@*$ING CAR!!!"
One rainy, windy night, not unlike tonight, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetary.
As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.
He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side - BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.
The man, terrified for his life, turned and ran into the driving rain. Behind him, the coffin came faster - BUMP, BUMP, BUMP! Ahead of him, there was a branch that had fallen from a tree. He reached down and grabbed it as he ran by. Still running, he turned and threw it over his shoulder at the coffin - but it just splintered when it hit the coffin and the coffin continued coming faster - BUMPITY, BUMPITY, BUMPITY!
The man turned the corner onto his street and ran through his front gate, the coffin right behind him. His splitting axe was resting against his woodpile so he snagged it, turned, and gave a mighty two-handed throw sending it end over end right at the coffin. SMASH! - the axe shattered on the unnaturally strong wood of the coffin and it continued after him.
The man dashed in his house, but the coffin crashed through the front door. The man ran upstairs and grabbed his shotgun off the wall display. He blasted the coffin with both barrels, but the shot bounced harmlessly off the coffin as it continued up the stairs - BUMP, CLOMP, BUMP, CLOMP!
The man, desperate and scared to death, jumped into the bathroom and locked the door - knowing it would do no good. The coffin Banged against the door, once ..., twice ..., and on the third time, the door exploded and the coffin came forward.
In desperation the man reached out his hand and grabbed whatever he could. All that was there was a bottle of cough syrup so he threw it at the coffin.
The bottle shattered, the cough syrup poured on the coffin, and the coffin stopped.
This is a story I wrote when I was 9 to tell to the other kids in my trailer park on Halloween. This is the only story they wanted to hear EVERY year. So begins Werewolf Prince...
Prince Phillip stood at his window looking outside. Three days... three days till his princess would arrive. Princess Irenie... the love of his life, the woman he had been sending letters to for months now. They had both been rather surprised that they had begun to love each other, after all it was an arranged marriage. Phillip smiled, he would see her for the first time... and then they would be married on the most beautiful night of the month... the full moon, a month away from this day.
Phillip pulled himself from his happiness when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. "Come in" he said. It was none other then his friend Charles. "Hey there Phillip... listen I have a bit of a surprise for you..."
"Not another early wedding gift I would hope... you really are too good to me Charles..."
Charles laughed and smiled, "No no no I have drained my purse dry buying you the things I have. But listen remember a month ago when I came home with that nasty bite on my neck from the wolf in the forbidden woods?"
"Yes why?"
"Well I was thinking... what is a wedding if the groom does not have a proper pelt? That wolf had a lovely coat and it would look just as lovely on you! Besides I need a reason to kill the damn thing for bitting me without leaving a bite on my concious for killing the creature."
"You're a bit out of your head arn't you? You know my father would throw a fit if I went into the forbidden forest. "
"But what is the old king going to do my friend? Keep you from getting married? You have told me you love the girl so you are going to be completely tied down. Why not a bit of an adventure before you have to worry about worrying your bride?"
Phillip sighed, "You really are out of your mind... but I suppose I am too then." He said with a grin and laughed as Charles hugged him.
"Let's leave just before the sun goes down. You're father will think you asleep and you have the eyes somewhere placed between a hawk and a jungle cat!"
"Alright my friend, I will see you tonight!" Phillip laughed as Charles left. "I must be out of my bloody head.." He muttered with a smile.
To be continued as I'm sure that I am just about out of typing room!
Phillip armed himself with his dagger and sword as he snuck out of his fortress like home down to the stables where Charles was waiting. "You ready to go Charles"
"Always!" They both climbed on their horses and galloped into the night and into the woods. "Here I'll go one way and you go the other Charles. We will find the damn thing sooner and I can get home before father wakes up." Charles nodded and they parted paths deciding a loud whistle would sufice as a way to find each other.
Phillip rode around silently one hand on his sword, it seemed like he had been looking for this wolf. "Charles is crazy..." Suddenly Phillip's body tensed as he heard a noise behind him, then he heard the sound again beside him... Before he could react a wolf jumped from the bushes at him and his horse. He horse let out a loud cry as it stood up on it's hind legs, throwing of it's rider and running fast from the scene. Phillip landed hard on the ground and looked towards the wolf, "My god..." He mutter as the wolf turned around ever slowly, it's golden eyes looking towards him with a hunger unlike any other. The wolf lifted it's head towards the moon and howled as Phillip stood and ran.
He turned around towards the direction he had just run. He drew his sword, ready for the wolf to run after him. He whistled, a high note, to try and summon his friend. Charles heard a branch crack behind him and he turned to see who golden eyes staring at him through the bushes. Slowly a wolfs head came from the bushes, then two arms, and two legs. Before Phillip stood a wolf, literally stood, it was not on four legs, it stood like a man. The creature lept at Phillip with such speed Phillip didn't even have time to swing his sword. The creature swung it's clawed hand toward Phillip. Phillip drew his dagger, swiftly, to stab into the creature's hand. The creature stood, getting off Phillip to howl in pain. Phillip scrambled back reaching for his sword but realizing it lay on the ground a few feet away, he looked up again to see the snarling teeth of the creature coming towards him. Two cries rang out into the sky as the teeth plunged into Phillip's neck, and the dagger plunge into the creatures chest.
The fur began to fall off of the wolf as it howled one last cry of pain before falling. Phillip's eyes fluttered and began to close... the last thing he seeing being a familiar face.
If you have a couple of hours free before Halloween, read "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" by Washington Irving. Ichabod Crane and the "Headless Horseman" will put you in the mood.
As will the Halloween movies.... Micheal Myers... the most wonderful horror movie villan in history far as I'm concerned ^.^ and though I absolutely LOVE Rob Zombie... I didn't bother seeing his version of Halloween.... I saw they changed the mask.. and that was enough to make me not want to see it -_- you don't... change the mask... plus I heard it was all blood and no plot... not to mention all the female characters looked like they could have been in a porno....
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