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Jake448 · May 5, 2011, 05:15 PM

I met this girl who is from the same country as me at a bar, along with her new husband. We were very excited to meet each other and to get a chance to speak our home language, so she told me to write down her phone number and call her. That happened in front of her husband with him watching. We were not speaking english, but I tried to switch back and forth. Her husband is more than twice her age and I know she is with him for a couple years just to get her citizenship, but that's not the point. I have no intentions of doing anything with her, but I would enjoy hanging out with her and perhaps getting to meet some of her friends who are also from my home country. Do you think it is appropriate to get in touch with her as friends even though she is married or is this a bad idea?

EmbracingPose · May 12, 2011, 06:17 AM

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out with her by herself (just the two of you). You can call her, but tell her you're looking to meet additional people from your home country... maybe she will point you into the right direction

amicon · May 12, 2011, 07:25 AM

How do you know she's only with her husband to get her citizenship?

If that's the case,I'd say she's not a particularly nice person.

I wouldn't go for a friendship with a married person who may be in the habit of using people.

JudyKayTee · May 12, 2011, 07:25 AM

I am married. I have married male friends. Occasionally we go out to dinner, go to business events together. My husband knows. Their wives know.

I don't see a problem IF that is all it is, a friendship.

My concern is that perhaps you are not being totally honest with yourself. Why does the reason she is married to her husband matter if you have no interest in her? If she told you she married him to become a citizen I would turn and run the other way - there is no need for you to know this if you are going to be "just friends," particularly at the first meeting.

BMI · May 12, 2011, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by Jake448

Her husband is more than twice her age and I know she is with him for a couple years just to get her citizenship, but thats not the point.

Busted!

Had this part been left out, I'd have advised to be very careful and respectful of her husband if calling, meeting, etc with her. Since her husband was present and did not object to the exchange and talk, than he would seem to be smart enough to realize that if he allows his wife to give her number out he'd quickly concluded someone may indeed call it.

However, as others have poitend out, this 'fact sheet' you've provided to the forum is quite concerning and revealing. The guise of friends is shattered when you reveal intimate facts about the relationship. If it were indeed a freindship, why would she even mention it? Why would you even care?

Let's say BMI is on an elevator with a friend who he realizes is a friend and has no attraction to her, she tells BMI that she had a fight with her nasty husband and says she needs a drink after work, want to come? BMI's head either tells him two things should he accept A. Poor friend, a drink would be great and I'm all too pleased to support her OR B. Wonder if there is a crack in the armour in which BMI can widdle his way into.

Your story suggests B. Not even mentioning that the lovely co-worker mentioned in my lovely story is portrayed as a sad figure, NOT someone who you describe as being a manipulative con-artist.