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jaen · Oct 24, 2006, 08:07 PM

I lived with a woman for 3 years, had a son with her.
Now I live by myself after having a family for 3 years.
I felt as if she mentally abused me with her insults, which are making me feel worthless.
I have 2 conflicting dilemmas here.
1. I want to go back with her since I still love her.
2. I want her to apologize for all the insults and for making me feel worthless.

She does not want to apologize and she wants me to forget her, It would be easier if we did not have a son in the middle.

What can I do? When I call her all I get is insults.

electr0 · Oct 24, 2006, 08:18 PM

First forget the insults. Just go and be cool and try to talk to her in personal about what you've been through and try to get her to understand you. Hope that helps:)

Thomas1970 · Oct 24, 2006, 08:32 PM

Hi Jaen,
Admittedly, this is a difficult situation, and I'm not sure there are any easy answers.
I guess the first hard truth that many people learn, is that just because you deeply love someone, that doesn't mean you can necessarily always live with them. This requires a great deal caring, cooperation and compromise on both parts. A good deal of the latter, to be sure.
Secondly, you can't truly make anyone do anything, they don't really want to do. Least not apologize. And it sounds like she's really not ready to do that. The only thing you can do is give her her time and space, though do let her know that you're there if she needs you. She may come around in time, she may not.
After you give her some time apart, I guess the best approach would be to appeal to her from your child's perspective. She cared for you enough at one time to bring a life into the world with you, and that child deserves the same sort of chance that you gave your relationship. He deserves both parents in his life, and not just on weekend visitations. Try as she might to push you out of her life, for whatever obscure reason she might have, your child will always be a continual reminder of what you once shared. She might as well, at least try to make the best of what you both have, together.
Whatever you do, try to be patient with her.
I wish you luck. Take care.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2006, 10:54 AM

Your only obligation is to your child, so make sure you have an order for child support and visitation. You cannot change someone's mind or control their actions so forget the apology. Get over this relationship and make sure your child is loved, and well cared for. Keep contact with this woman to a minimum.

Wildcat21 · Oct 25, 2006, 11:08 AM

Listen to Talalniman - This is the correct answer.

You NEVER want to be with an abusive person - this is horrible. Horrible.

And it sounds like she will not change.

Be there for oyur son only - move on. You'll find someone else.

"She does not want to apologize and she wants me to forget her" - She gave you the correct answer.

She will always be abusive UNLESS she goes an sees professinal help.

NO ONE under any circunstances should put up with abuse - EVER!!

You sound like YOU need to work on YOU right now.

Be busy - workout, work HARDER at work, hang with friedns, family, religion, HOBBIES, get new hobbies

valinors_sorrow · Oct 25, 2006, 11:25 AM

Accept that you are powerless over her, that she is sick and made you sick too. Abusive people do exactly that, its really contagious. Heal yourself. If not for your sake, for your child who will desperately need a better role model than his mother -- I am very earnest about this aspect. Learn to wear "armor" around her. Get help from a professional, if necessary as this is NOT easy stuff I am laying out here. The only reason I can see for exposure is for the sake of your child, visitations, etc and in those circumstances minimize your contact. Good luck.

Wildcat21 · Oct 25, 2006, 11:54 AM

YES -she has made you sick.

thebaldwinfour · Nov 23, 2007, 11:24 PM

Don't show her that you are vulnerable to her abuse... your weakness is giving her a strange sense of power. I can't tell you that you will never get back together but what are you fighting for? Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? All the time you are investing in trying to get her back should be invested in your child. You don't need to be around the abuse and either does your baby. You will be OK.