[Love Pilgrim]

I'm an indonesian, and am living in indonesia, and I have a problem that I can't really share with my fellow Indonesian friends (since they're all so "traditional" and thick-headed). We don't have a lot of pre-marital sex here, and this is a problem, because my GF DOES have a sexual past. I'm trying my best to accept her, but I'm losing my grip..

I knew my girlfriend has had 4 sexually active relationships before she met me, and I was ready to accept that before going into a relationship with her. It wasn't easy, since I was a virgin (still am) and all that, but I loved her, and it made me stronger. However, while answering some stupid sex survey together with her on the web I found out a little bit more about her, and I was shocked. The question was "how many sexual partners have you had this year?" and she answered... 6. I mean, HOLY, didn't she have like, FOUR BOYFRIENDS? Who the heck were these two other guys??

She was honest, and I really appreciated that. See, she knew the awful possibilities she was about to get into by typing in that number six, and she was betting on my understanding. (I do have a history of being a really understanding guy)

But I really wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear.

She said those two other 'friends' "raped" her.

But when I asked her if she's still 'friends' with those two, she answered an utterly convulting "yes".

I'd told her to cut ties with those two, and she's given me her yes, so it's not the problem.

The problem is, how do I deal with the fact that my girlfriend's the type to be okay staying friends with her rapists? I mean, she's nice and sweet and all that, but what kind of a girl am I really dealing with here? And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that deep down I wasn't really able to accept all of her sexual histories - I'd overestimated myself.

I want to stay in love with her, but with all these doubts running in my mind, I really don't know what to do.

Please, any advice are appreciated.

[Fr_Chuck]

Cultures are different here in the US sadly many girls have 4 partners by the time they are 16 and more than 6 by the time they get out of high school,

Not all by any means, but more than I wished this would be the case for.
Just read on here and you will see 13 and 14 year olds having babies.
So while many do wish to find that pure mate, here in the US it really is not common place and many people merely just have sex with friends just to have sex. * I know a foreign idea to your culture*

But she can't change her past, and appears to be willing to discuss it and be open to you about it.

Only you can know if you can accept it. I am not sure in your culture if there is counseling for this or not, if there is perhaps relationship counseling could be helpful.

Remember in life we all, you and her will do many things in the future that will hurt each other, what she did before you meet her is not her now and you need to forget and not judge her by it, since all people can and do change.

[youn2035]

Well, her past is just that, and that's where it is going to/or at least should stay. She is with you, and if the two of you aren't in a "sexual" relationship, then that is definitely saying something. I do however, find it very sketchy that she says she was raped by two of her guy friends. Most likely, this isn't the case, but she didn't want you to think any less of her by admitting she had had sex outside of a relationship. In general, if the love is there, (on both sides equally,) then why not? She sounds like she is committed and as long as you trust her, then you should stay with her. Good luck, hope all turns out well for you.

[talaniman]

This is your problem not hers, so you need to accept it or leave her alone. Because you don't understand is no reason to be her judge and jury. In the end its up to you to weigh whether this is something you can deal with. You have to appreciate her honesty.