There are so many making a difference in a child's life, whether you are a friend, family member, or a stranger just trying to make a difference or help someone out, I am thankful for people like you. I understand how wonderful it can be to get to know a new child and love and help him/her through. I also understand how hard it can be to keep that love and helping hand alive.

Any mother or father trying to fight hard to make things right as well, I wish you the best of luck in getting your child/children back. I also understand how much of a struggle it can be working with the state, or just working with the people that have your children.

I am hoping to open this subject as far as it can be opened. There are huge shortages of foster parents for kids that have been taken from their parents. Some of these kids have been in several foster homes a year, and some have been in the same home for years. Either way, if you have anything to add here or ask here, please do......And please remember there are a number of reasons why this can happen, from false information to true. We are here to help and get foster parents, birth parents or the kids on their feet, so please be as kind as possible. This is a heavy subject for most involved and I hope that others experiences or trial and errors can be noted to help others along.

MOWERMAN2468

Some of this may be disturbing to some of you, I am sorry if it upsets you, it is just the facts. Just a little note about a case. We picked up two young boys from another foster home that was adopting a young girl that was being fostered by the couple. The two boys were just coming to see us for a respite (not sure on the spelling of that word, break in other words), and the two boys had about 4 or 5 small toys each, ragged cloths, holes in their socks, holes in their shoes, and underwear that was too small we later found out. And the girl they were adopting wanted to show us her room. It was full of toys, had about 9 different pairs of nice looking shoes, dress shoes, sandles, nike, and even one pair of cowgirl boots. Her closet was bulging with new looking clothes, and her dresser drawers wouldn't even shut all the way. All this when the other two boys had one and a half drawers each in a 3 drawer chest, and didn't even need the closet for clothes. And of course only the one pair of shoes that had holes through the sides.
Now within 30 minutes of picking these two boys up, my wife and I spent about $125.00 buying them some clothes, I mean it was terrible, I didn't want people to see them in the clothes they had on, or their shoes. I was ashamed for them, because they did not know to be ashamed for themselves. Those two boys acted like they had never had such nice new clothes, and we just bought enough clothing for the weekend and Monday, and NEW shoes. The looks on those boys faces were priceless. Then we asked if they were hungry, and they said yes they had not eaten. Now get this, this is now about 1:00 P.M. So we asked them if they wanted to go to McDonald's and again the great excitement of them was astounding. And my wife and I are already planning a call to the case worker when we get home. But anyway, when we left McDonald's, they both had french fries stuffed into their new pants pockets, and one of them even had a half eaten chicken nugget. We found this out when we arrived home. This is a hard part in the fact that some children "hoard" food, because they don't know when they will be fed again.
Well after the call Sat. afternoon about 3:45 or 4:00 p.m. to the case worker, she said she would be doing an investigation on the situation with the young girl and the boys being equally taken care of. Well I didn't expect her to be the one calling us back at about 7:00 p.m. but she said, "Jerry, I've gone to the --------'s house and saw what you were describing, .................. and would we consider moving the boys to our home now and for us to care for them." I replied with a Yes.
Fostering is a great enjoyment, and the feeling of helping the children is award enough for anyone doing this. The state of course will make you take the checks, but it is not the money that makes some people do fostering. It is simply the desire to care for and love a child that has not had such. When the boys left about 2 years later, they had gotten to where they did not cuss, did not hoard food, and had grown into pleasant young boys. Now the part about the cussing, the boys were 3 and 4 years old when we went to pick them up that Saturday for a "break" for the other foster parents. The young boys would "cuss like a sailor". Oh well, enough on this story.

startover22

Mowerman, I appreciate your story. I can feel everything you say when you talk about the boys' situation. I know it's hard to see what some kids go through, I sure know that. Kids know good and bad, when they finally see the good in people, they know that what they had was bad.....if that isn't too confusing. It can be pretty hard to overcome, a small or even an older child not understanding why they didn't get to see that good for so long. There are so many questions that play into their heads, so much stress and wonder. Not that they don't appreciate what the nice people are doing, but it is really hard to accept that someone wasn't treating you right, you know? I would love to talk more, I just don't have time, I have to git to work soon. Thanks for sharing Mowerman, I appreciate the help for those boys!

startover22

So, here is a little part of our story.....
I did daycare for three boys, ages 7, 5, and 4 at the time...
We have four kids of our very own so daycare was helping with the costs of living and helping me stay home with the kids as we feel it is so important.
These boys were brought to me by their first set of foster parents, they held on to the kids as long as they could but the foster dad had a outburtst and the state found it not good to let them stay at their house anymore, I disagreed, but that doesn't matter. These three boys in one sense or the other were special needs, loud, angry, sweet, overly affectionate.....the list goes on and on. I loved these guys and to tell you the truth I never thought I would be able to have foster children when my own children were small. ( I always thought i would do these things when they were grown and gone) Anyway, the way we got them was they were going to be separated when they had to move to another home, at this point I said NO way....there was no question in my mind that we could let them be separated, after all they were already going through hell. They were just about three months out to being able to go back with mom, she was working real hard to get them back. Their story is really long and heart wrenching so I am not sure about posting it here. Anyway, we held onto them as tight as we could, it was hard, really heard, they were in constant need of survival attention and our kids were suffering clearly. We all stuck it out so they didn't have to go into separate homes. We all talked together as openly and honestly as we could without hurting feelings. The moral to this story really is to give what you can and sometimes more because for a short period of time someone may need you more than anything on earth, you may not know it right then, but it comes to be true with these boys. They did us a favor and taught us a lot about patience, love, understanding, and that suffering is just a word that you can make true or false. We all have choices to do things or not to. We all have a power to be a giving person and to help when it is needed. Not saying that everyone needs to run out and be a foster parent, I am only implying that there is something for everyone to do, whether it be give a dollar to the guy on the street, carry an older ladies groceries to her car for her, or just smile at a stranger when they walk by you for no reason. We all have the power and with the willingness we can make change for the good. Oh goodness I am rambling now....

Really the mother to this day is still fighting to get off the state records. She has had just as rough, if not a harder time than these three boys. I am still in contact with them and her and they are making do with what they have to. I plan on helping much more as soon as our house gets sorta back to normal from this very long year. I do so wish them all of the best, they are special boys and need to be with their mother.

Stringer

I am quite sure that you saved these boys Start.....you have the love and patience of a Saint.

startover22

I didn't save them Stringer, surely they were gonna make it without us. We just wanted them to have an easier time going through what they had to endure for the period of time they needed all of us. But thank you