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There are so many making a difference in a child's life, whether you are a friend, family member, or a stranger just trying to make a difference or help someone out, I am thankful for people like you. I understand how wonderful it can be to get to know a new child and love and help him/her through. I also understand how hard it can be to keep that love and helping hand alive.
Any mother or father trying to fight hard to make things right as well, I wish you the best of luck in getting your child/children back. I also understand how much of a struggle it can be working with the state, or just working with the people that have your children.
I am hoping to open this subject as far as it can be opened. There are huge shortages of foster parents for kids that have been taken from their parents. Some of these kids have been in several foster homes a year, and some have been in the same home for years. Either way, if you have anything to add here or ask here, please do......And please remember there are a number of reasons why this can happen, from false information to true. We are here to help and get foster parents, birth parents or the kids on their feet, so please be as kind as possible. This is a heavy subject for most involved and I hope that others experiences or trial and errors can be noted to help others along.
Fostering is a very challenging quest at best. We have done so, even to the point to where we were nearly ready to adopt four siblings ages 1 1/2 to 6, then the mom had 8 jobs in 6 months and got her children back. Well were only months from adopting and the state said that their mother had greatly improved, and was showing a great improvement in stability. Excuse me, 8 jobs in 6 months is stabil??? Ohh well, we adopted 2 other siblings and have since had a child of our own which the doctors said would be impossible for my wife to accomplish. And have had a happy family since. So don't never give up on the possibility if you are not able to have children according to the doctors. And give the children a proper home with love and understanding. There is always an adjustment period to deal with, but you have to help the children cope with the changes and encourage them. Let God be your guide and perhaps it is his will for the children to be returned to the parents, or perhaps sometimes the state is just not seeng the whole picture. Although the entire goal of children services agencies is to reunite the children with the parents, it does not always work out this way. Startover is correct, this is probably one, if not the most touchy subject on amhd. But I am glad to see it here, and I have been through the training on this situation given by the state agency and would be happy to encourage or help in anyway that I can. I done this training in a different state than my current state, and it has been sometime ago. But I will help you if I can.
start and mowerman, I am really glad to see your post. Start I knew that you were a foster parent all along and must say that you gave me a new perspective on foster parents.
I really hate to say this but I believe that too often the perception in the public is that people who foster are abusive to the children or they are in it for the money.
I know in my area the media has highlighted many cases of foster abuse and murders of foster children. While I believe that it is important for agencies/f parents to be held accountable that allow or inflict abuse it is equally important that the good agencies and foster parents not be overlooked or put into one group.
It takes a special person to invite a stranger into their home and provide them with guidance and love. You do this never knowing how long they will be there or if you will ever see or hear from them again, once they leave your care. Just anybody cannot or is not willing to do this. I think everyone in society should be thanking good people like you.
Fostering is a very challenging quest at best. We have done so, even to the point to where we were nearly ready to adopt four siblings ages 1 1/2 to 6, then the mom had 8 jobs in 6 months and got her children back. Well were only months from adopting and the state said that their mother had greatly improved, and was showing a great improvement in stability. Excuse me, 8 jobs in 6 months is stabil??? Ohh well, we adopted 2 other siblings and have since had a child of our own which the doctors said would be impossible for my wife to accomplish. And have had a happy family since. So don't never give up on the possibility if you are not able to have children according to the doctors. And give the children a proper home with love and understanding. There is always an adjustment period to deal with, but you have to help the children cope with the changes and encourage them. Let God be your guide and perhaps it is his will for the children to be returned to the parents, or perhaps sometimes the state is just not seeng the whole picture. Although the entire goal of children services agencies is to reunite the children with the parents, it does not always work out this way. Startover is correct, this is probably one, if not the most touchy subject on amhd. But I am glad to see it here, and I have been through the training on this situation given by the state agency and would be happy to encourage or help in anyway that I can. I done this training in a different state than my current state, and it has been sometime ago. But I will help you if I can.
Fostering is definitely about helping the kids. For you It must have been very hard to let those children go. We as foster parents will always think that the children are best with us. The reason we think that is because they got taken from their parents. The obligation in many states is really to get the children back with the original family. So, knowing that going in is extremely important. It is hard to give the children back knowing full well, they could be hurt or they could suffer once again. You are so lucky to have found someone who needed you all the way. So happy for you Mowerman and your family.
Have you stayed in contact with the foster kids that got back with their mom? I always wonder this in foster care cases.
start and mowerman, I am really glad to see your post. Start I knew that you were a foster parent all along and must say that you gave me a new perspective on foster parents.
I really hate to say this but I believe that too often the perception in the public is that people who foster are abusive to the children or they are in it for the money.
I know in my area the media has highlighted many cases of foster abuse and murders of foster children. While I believe that it is important for agencies/f parents to be held accountable that allow or inflict abuse it is equally important that the good agencies and foster parents not be overlooked or put into one group.
It takes a special person to invite a stranger into their home and provide them with guidance and love. You do this never knowing how long they will be there or if you will ever see or hear from them again, once they leave your care. Just anybody cannot or is not willing to do this. I think everyone in society should be thanking good people like you.
Fostering is definitely for the kids, I just had to say that one more time.
Although there are good people that do it for the kids and take on much more than they are supposed to for these guys......there are people still who do it just for the money and greed of it all. I understand your thoughts here bushg. I know people like this, but mostly I know wonderful, good people that are willing to give....give.....and give, even without a check every month. You would be very surprised what you can't do and get with that check, it isn't much.
I still have contact with the three little guys we fostered, they are going to come up for a swim day in about a week. They still ask about me and I still call them.
The last guy that was here (14), well, he just got removed again from the new 1 1/2 months) home he was in.....he keeps calling. I know he would like us to invite him back, but the circumstances were starting to be devastating to our own kids. I sure wish it were different though, I miss his humor and his strong qualities. I also miss that glimpse of hope in his eyes.....ohhhh I sure hope he uses that. He will also come up and hang out with the family as soon as he gets settled in his new placement, mind you if the new foster parents allow it.
There lies another issue, but I will wait till it comes up . bushg, there will always be good and bad......lets root for the good!!
Fostering is definitely about helping the kids. For you It must have been very hard to let those children go. We as foster parents will always think that the children are best with us. The reason we think that is because they got taken from their parents. The obligation in many states is really to get the children back with the original family. So, knowing that going in is extremely important. It is hard to give the children back knowing full well, they could be hurt or they could suffer once again. You are so lucky to have found someone who needed you all the way. So happy for you Mowerman and your family.
Have you stayed in contact with the foster kids that got back with their mom? I always wonder this in foster care cases.
No we have not heard from the others in about 6 yrs. now. But have gotten reports that the mother remarried and apparently really did get stable and is providing for the children the way she should have all along. I guess us having them for the time we did, got her head onto her shoulders correctly.
No we have not heard from the others in about 6 yrs. now. But have gotten reports that the mother remarried and apparently really did get stable and is providing for the children the way she should have all along. I guess us having them for the time we did, got her head onto her shoulders correctly.
Mowerman, sometimes, the story is happy. Sometimes it isn't. But we hope that the time the kids are in our care or any foster home care that it makes a difference, don't you agree? Sometimes it takes a nudge of reality to get peoples heads back on their shoulders.
Start, as I see it, one of the problems is that there are not enough people like you and the others that posted here. People like you have no limit to the love you can give and I thank you and the world should thank you.
For those that would hurt any child I can only say, your time will come my friend.
I have never know anyone that fostered a child and because of that cannot begin to understand the effort and love necessary to do this or the pain when they leave.
Mowerman, sometimes, the story is happy. Sometimes it isn't. But we hope that the time the kids are in our care or any foster home care that it makes a difference, don't you agree? Sometimes it takes a nudge of reality to get peoples heads back on their shoulders.
Yes, I feel that with each case we dealt with, that we did make a difference. And as far as people saying folks are in it for the money. Yes you can tell that some of them are in it for the money. We told them we didn't need or want their money. We just wanted to help them if we could, but the state will insist that you take the money. Government. Oh well, I agree with the fact that it is hard to see them go. When you have taken them in and cared for them everyday and night, and knowing that they may not have their needs meet once they go back to their biological parents. And what is even stranger is the fact that the state will not let some of these children go to a relatives home, instead of a foster home, or the relatives are asked and decline. This is a messed up world we live in today.
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