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    How can I get myself into foster care?

    Asked Dec 7, 2013, 04:17 AM 9 Answers
    I cant stand living with my parents. My mum and dad are divorced. I currently live with my step dad and mum and they are so abusive and strict. Every weekend I ask if I could play on the laptop my mums starts saying do you want to get kicked out and starts to get the broomstick. I'm 14 now and don't get abused much but she keeps threatening to kick my out. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother I'm the eldest of the family. Who can I contact to get help and be taken to another family? Thank you, your help would be appreciated

    Last edited by talaniman; Dec 7, 2013 at 07:39 AM.
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    9 Answers
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,549, Reputation: 2337
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    #2

    Dec 7, 2013, 04:37 AM
    Your parents would have to be determined to be abusive or negligent by a social worker and a judge. They could be charged with a crime and lose all their children. You could end up in a foster home that treats you worse than your parents do. Many, many foster children are miserable.
    What you describe doesn't count as child abuse. I just wrote the above to let you know what can happen. Countless mothers threaten to throw children out (mine did, and that was 50+ years ago). You even admit that it's mostly just threats. I take it you never actually get hit with a broom, right?
    If you can't use their computer, can you get to a library, or a friend's house?
    We don't ask for the parents who bore us, or the stepparents. As a minor you have very few rights - be housed, fed, clothed, and no physical harm or sexual abuse. Many girls your age are being sexually abused by their mother's boyfriends in this day and age of broken homes.

    Keep busy away from your mother, that's all I can say. That's what I did. It didn't work when I had to be at meals or doing chores, and I argued and cried and yelled, but I didn't know then what I know now. I hope you can accept your fate and plan your future for when you are on your own. You will discover that freedom doesn't just happen when you leave home. Good luck.
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    Lachlan's Avatar
    Lachlan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Dec 7, 2013, 04:58 AM
    I have been hit by a broomstick and sticks
    She just recently erased everything on my phone I cried and cried and still crying. I really want to go into a foster home, what can I do. And will the police help?

    Will this get me into foster care? A few weeks ago I was going home from school. I came home 10mins late because I was talking to friends, she started to get made and I started to talk back and the subject just changed completely, she took a long stick and started to hit me with it. If I called the cops what would happen?
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,549, Reputation: 2337
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    #4

    Dec 7, 2013, 05:30 AM
    Most of the time, charges of hitting have to be proven, because children do make stuff up. That means either bruises or cuts or reliable witnesses. It just isn't as easy as you think, nor is it going to be pleasant where you go.
    Whenever a teen tells me that a parent did something to 'my phone,' I cringe. You won't have a phone in foster care! Your foster parents aren't going to pay the monthly bill. That's just for starters. (I still don't think that social services is going to take you from your parents anyway.)

    You are going to have to learn to grit your teeth and wait out the next 3 years.
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    Lachlan's Avatar
    Lachlan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Dec 7, 2013, 05:37 AM
    Oh well, thanks for your help
    But the next three years is goingto be hard
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    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 36,741, Reputation: 5277
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    #6

    Dec 7, 2013, 05:39 AM


    1) You were late. Parents tend to worry.
    2) You got a smart mouth and talked back. That's not the proper way to act.

    It sounds like you are being punished for your actions. Word of advice... behave and she will be nicer to you.

    Oh, and it's 4 years. You are 14 now, you have to be 18 to move out in most places.
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    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 61,894, Reputation: 5755
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    #7

    Dec 7, 2013, 08:30 AM


    Do you have any clue what foster care means? Do you think you will be allowed to take your computer with you? It doesn't belong to you it belongs to your parents. Your foster home may not have a computer or you may need to share it with several people. A foster home will probably put you under even more restrictions than your parents do. Foster care is no bed of roses. So be careful what you wish for.

    On the other hand if you are truly being abused, and this means physically beaten or extreme mental cruelty, then you should speak to a school counselor about it. But the odds are you are just unhappy over your parents being parents.
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    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 16,549, Reputation: 2337
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    #8

    Dec 7, 2013, 09:06 AM
    To add to 'do you have any clue' about foster care, I'll add bluntly that some are warm loving people, but many are just in it for the money (taxpayer money, don't forget - including what your parents have taken out of their paychecks if they work). That money is very small each month, so what's why I said no phone. Did you really think your phone bill would magically get paid?
    And as for those few warm loving families, most of them are hoping for sweet little babies, not teenagers.
    So all and all, it's time to get out of dream land. We don't get to chose our parents!
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    hug23's Avatar
    hug23 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Dec 7, 2013, 01:32 PM
    Hi there. I apologize that others answers seemed harsh. The people who answered above gave realistic advice.

    Not every adult has experienced a verbally and physically abusive childhood. Growing up in a crazy home where you don't feel loved or safe can have lasting impacts. If the people who answered you understood that, perhaps they Would understand that a mother who hits you with a broomstick obviously has mental problems. It is not your fault that you want to escape a life of possibly wondering what will set her off... even if it is a little thing like being 10minutes late.

    I registered just to answer your question. They key to escaping your homelife is not through foster care. It is through getting a job and working hard at school/joining clubs. You may have to wait until you are 15 or 16 to find work, but having a source of income outside of your parents would give you money & savings if you ever decide to run away or get yourself emancipated (look up emancipation laws in your state).

    Getting good grades would allow you to have more out of state college options and scholarship money to move farther away from her when you are 18. School activities will also allow u to be home less! Especially sports.

    Finally, please find a mentor who you feel safe talking to about this. Not anyone from your school or friends of your family. Perhaps a minister or someone who is not as biased as the other people who answered your question.
    I had a similar situation but worked hard in school, got a good job to support myself, live 5 states away from my mother.

    Good luck.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,061, Reputation: 5106
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    #10

    Dec 7, 2013, 02:43 PM
    When I was your age, I had to babysit (for free!) my younger sibs and spent hours (after I had put them to bed) looking for adoption papers, since I could not believe these were my real parents. I was never physically abused but their rules were very strict and I felt like I couldn't move -- couldn't stay after school for activities there and couldn't hang out with friends and couldn't go to school dances. My parents were very religious and we had only one car that my dad had to have available at all times, so no transporting me around any place.

    So here's what I did -- I started doing some of the jobs I got yelled at for not doing, like making my bed in the morning and folding clean laundry & putting it away, and washing & drying & putting away dishes and doing some vacuuming & dusting around the house. I decided to do those things well so I wouldn't get yelled at some more or get complaints. And you know what? It worked! Gradually my mom (and dad) started to respect me a little bit and started to treat me better without yelling at me all the time. It was amazing!

    We worked out a system where I could stay after school one afternoon a week and hang out with my friends (as long as I stayed on school property for Latin Club or Future Teachers Club). When I was about 15 and a half, they actually let me go out on dates (after they met and approved of the boys) because they had finally decided I was trustworthy and cooperative. What a turnaround!

    You can do this too!
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