Ill try to keep this a short as possible.

7 months ago I came home from work to a note from my wife. Her dad and her had concocted a plan for him to drive here and take her and our kids to their house out of state.

I called the police, nothing they could do. I called family services and was told "a custodial parent has the right to take the kids wherever. Get a lawyer"

The kids are finishing up school next week and I want to bring them back here, but Im getting alot of backlash from her. Stuff like "well Ill have to check their schedules" (shedules for kids under 8??) and "I dont know about that, we'll see."

Our basic marital problem is where we live. She hates it here and wants to live close to her parents (what a fantastic reason to break up a marriage )

Anyway, what rights do I have to go get my kids? She doesnt even work from crying out loud. I send her money for stuff she needs. Yet she wants to tell me where we should live, but thats a completely different story.

Neither of us has been to a lawyer as I assumed eventually things would be resolved.

NowWhat

You know, we moved to the frozen tundra of Ohio almost 10 years ago (with the intent to be here 5) we moved away from my entire family, whom I am very close with. I am a southern girl and love warm weather. Let me tell you, when the first snow comes until the last flake has fallen - I turn into the most awful witch. I hate Ohio - it's not home to me - I don't like the snow, I don't like the cold, etc. This kind of attitude trickles into everything else and causes problems. Have I wanted to end my marriage because of geography? No. But, when you are in a constant bad mood over something that you don't feel like you have control over - it will affect other things.

Now, I got the impression from your posts that you, deep down, don't respect your wife. The fact that you said that she doesn't work, she doesn't contribute, she doesn't get a say in where we live. That tells me that you don't value what she does do for the family.

She may have moved into the basement - and hasn't filed for divorce yet, because she wants you to make the grand gesture and come and get her. Make the move.
By not coming or entertaining moving - especially since you were laid off (and I get your reasons for it - she doesn't) you are telling her that money or something is more important. There is nothing holding you there now - she wants you to come to her. Why else would she be dancing around not sending the kids. GO TO HER. Nothing else is more important than your family. You will make it work.

franksandbeans

You need to re-read my post. I said "she doesnt contribute FINANCIALLY" so you tell me, you think she has the right to tell me "we are moving here and you will get a job here to support us here"??

And as far at the "just go get her" comment, she told me point blank tonight she aint coming back ever.

Anyway, just let this thread die. At this point I guess a lawyer is my only option

NowWhat

I read the post. I did. I still got that impression. I am a stay at home mom, and you and my husband sound alot alike when it comes to what we contribute. And I feel disrespected alot sometimes. So, I was trying to give you something else to think about.

I am sorry that she told you that tonight - I know you did not want this.
Good Luck to you.

talaniman

Couples counseling may help more than a lawyer, or for you individually as we all can see how you don't respect your wife since she stays home. If she isn't willing you go yourself.

franksandbeans

Ok, I want to ask you a ? as a stay at home mom. Do you do the majority of the stuff around the house? Just your general cleaning and straightening and so forth? Or do you watch tv and sit on the internet all day, let the house go to pot, then complain that your husband "doesnt do enough around the house to help out" when he get home from work?

franksandbeans

If you can insinuate from my comments that I "dont respect my wife" Id really like to know your thoughts on her respect for me if you were able to see inside our lives for a few days.

talaniman

You attitude has been lousy, and pertinent info is like pulling teeth, so thats all I have, and since you never posted about what she did, how would anyone know. Just by the way you relate to those who try to help, I feel counseling would help you a lot. Your free to do what ever you want.

franksandbeans

Can a mod delete this thread please?

Thanks

bushg

I can see where your anger is coming from. You work hard to support your kids, and wife and she is bored with house, you and the kids and lets it go. You say she is # 1 in her eyes. well that is what she was taught by her parents. they put themselves before her (emotions). If her parents were abusive this is where most of her problems come from. If her mom was not nurturing I doubt if she knows how to be after all who should have taught her that . She probably wants to live close to them in hopes of gaining their approval. It's sad to say but their version of you being an ****** is probably all that they agree on. That is how they connect with her, this is when she is feeling like they love her and she wants that more than anything in the world. So you get to be the scapegoat for their family closeness. I see your anger but I also see that you love your wife and kids. I don't know what to tell you to do , but if it helps I do not think that you are totally in the wrong. I am all for women just go look at some of my post, but sir I feel like you are getting the shaft, but stop being so defensive it will not get you anywhere. Read some books on parental abuse, I'm suprised that she doesn't abuse drug, alcohol, shopping, sex usually people that are trying to escape pain use some type of substance for their medication. good luck

NowWhat

Let see, what do I do all day.... I raise another human being - in hopes to produce a productive, respectable adult. That being priority one! I didn't quit my job in the professional world to become a maid.
Then, since I am home all day, I clean the house, I do all the laundry, I plan the meals, shop for those meals, cook those meals, clean up from those meals. I pay all the bills (according to my husband - no I don't "pay" the bills, I write the checks), I manage the money. I am "on" 24/7 because my "job" is never done. I don't get a day off or true "me" time.
I make sure my child is involved in outside activities, so I enroll her and make sure she gets to whatever commitment she has.

You asked - I am telling you. This is my life. I only have one child - you have 4. I could see where things could be let go. There are days that I just can't get up enough whatever to clean or I don't feel like cooking, so we order pizza. I have those days.

And your original question - since she doesn't contribute financially, should she have the RIGHT (??) to say where you live? Absouletly. You should view this relationship as 50/50 partners. Just because she doesn't get a W2 at the end of the year - doesn't mean she doesn't work. And in statements like these - that is where I see you not respecting her.

And another thing - If you do not want a divorce, regardless of what she is telling you, then man up and fight for your family! Show her that you love her and want her and your family.
I am not trying to offend you - so please don't take it that way - just trying to give you a different prospective.