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johnson84 · Nov 28, 2006, 01:55 PM

I have a child with my ex boyfriend we were never married and there was never given custody to either of us. I want to give my rights up on my child and for him to have all rights. How would I go about doing that?

sadiesmom · Nov 28, 2006, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by johnson84

I have a child with my ex boyfriend we were never married and there was never given custody to either of us. I want to give my rights up on my child and for him to have all rights. How would I go about doing that?

Are you saying you want him to have sole custody of your child or are you saying you want to give up your maternal rights on your child? If you are saying you want to give up your maternal rights then you are basically saying you do not ever plan to be part of your child's life and don't plan on offering any kind of financial support for your child. It is important that you have all the information about what you really want. Either way this should not be an expensive procedure. You can contact an attorney, they usually offer free consultation. But since this is something you both agree too it should be relatively easy. Different states have different laws. If you want to discuss your situation in more detail privately feel free to message me. barbara

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2006, 05:39 PM

You can give up all rights, except that of child support, you can always be forced or required to pay child support, unless he marries and the new spouse wishes to adopt.

You and the father need to get an attorney and work out child custody agreements.

johnson84 · Nov 28, 2006, 06:30 PM

I want to reliquish ALL rights. He is a major problem and threat in my life. I want nothing to do with him and giving up my child for good will do that. Why would I need to still pay child support if I've given away ALL rights??

J_9 · Nov 28, 2006, 06:34 PM

Because the Court's want to make sure the child is financially taken care of, and unless there are adoption proceedings going on you are still financially responsible. If he is such a threat why would you want your child, the one you carried for 9 months, to be raised in that environment.

Are you really saying you want NOTHING to do with this child ever?
You don't care at all for this "baby?"

Have you stopped to consider the life this child will live knowing, and it will eventually, especially if your ex is the monster you make him out to be, that it's mother did not want him/her? Can you imagine the pain that this child will feel?

It may seem like an easy out for you, but think about your child's emotional health.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2006, 06:43 PM

Yes, most courts have ruled that while you can "give up" all your rights, you can not give up your obligations, the state since it is possible that the child or the child's guardian may require public assistance latter , the state has a right to be sure that the child will be supported.

So yes, you can have money sent directly to the court, you don't have to have any contact, but you will have to pay child support.
If it was that easy not to, don't you think 1000's of men would not be going to jail for not paying??

And if the father is that big of threat, why do you want the child with him?

johnson84 · Nov 28, 2006, 07:00 PM

I did not mean that he was a threat in an abusive manner I just mean that he is never going to let me live my life! He has however threatened to assault my fiancé. He is a good father but he's obsessed with me and will not leave me alone unless I have no ties to him and in that response yes I am ready to give all rights to my child away. I've already had a stroke from him putting major stress in my life and I'm only 22. He has another woman around my child so I think the child would be better off.

J_9 · Nov 28, 2006, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by johnson84

He is a good father but he's obsessed with me and will not leave me alone unless I have no ties to him and in that response yes I am ready to give all rights to my child away. I've already had a stroke from him putting major stress in my life and I'm only 22. He has another woman around my child so I think the child would be better off.

First let me say that this does not a good father make!! Understand that your child will grow up thinking that this behavior is normal. Is that what you want for your child.

Second let me say that the stroke was most likely caused by something genetic or physiological in nature. Did your doctor tell you HE is what caused the stroke? Strokes are usually caused by blood clots. A person cannot cause a blood clot to happen.

There is way too much info missing here.

However, no it is not possible to "get rid" of your child so that you have NO obligations unless there is an adoption involved. The system protects the child and without financial stability the child is left unprotected. You will still be obligated, and expected, to pay support.

johnson84 · Nov 28, 2006, 07:12 PM

It was a T.I.A and my doctor said it was caused from being under tremendous stress and HE is my only stress I have in my life. I thank you for your advise however I was trying to find out how to go about relinquishing my rights not having a moral debate. Thank you

J_9 · Nov 28, 2006, 07:20 PM

I am not trying to give you a moral debate, only pointing out facts.

However, since you brought up morals, just think... hard...

How would you feel if you found out as a teenager that your mother did not want you. Just wanted to give you up and pretend like you were never born?

If your ex is as terrible as you make him out to be, I can promise you that this is what he will tell your child. Believe me, I have been through it, got reminded of it Sunday as a matter of fact. However, I never gave up rights, my children were taken from me.

I am just trying to make you think long and hard about this from someone who has been almost where you are now.

ScottGem · Nov 28, 2006, 08:32 PM

Bottom line here is that you can't just sign a paper relinquishing your parental rights. If the father remarries and wants his new wife to adopt the child, then you can relinquish you rights (but not your obligations).

Much is written about the bond between mother and child. How difficult it is for a mother to give up a child. Right now you are stressed and that's not a good time to make such decisions. You can give up custody and just stop seeing the child if your want.

jrussole · Dec 26, 2006, 04:56 AM

Johnson, I think you need support and counseling. It sounds to me as if your child's father is domineering and controlling of you. Which probably will not be in the best interest of your child if he attains custody, either. The cycle may just continue. Or you may feel differently one day?

hatedmominnyc · May 11, 2007, 06:45 PM

Johnson84, I sympathize with your situation. I have the same problem, but I don't know if I want to give up my rights or fight. I don't have the money that he has so I would be fighting at a loss. I am so conflicted. When a mother gives up custody of her child she is branded as a horrible mother, but what happenes when you have no other choice?

twolfhound · Jul 17, 2007, 06:32 PM

In regards to this entire thing, as I'm thinking on a similar issue, how is it any different than giving up a child to an orphanage or an adoption agency? At least in this instance, you know who has your child rather than giving it up to a complete stranger. And, in giving it up to a stranger, you don't pay for child support. Why would you to someone you're trying to completely remove from your life?

hatedmominnyc · Jul 18, 2007, 05:42 PM

I posted this question a couple of months back. And right now I am fighting for full custody of my daughter which was awarded to me today :)

My daughter is old enough to choose where she wishes to live and with everything that has happened, the judge ruled that it would be in her best interest to reside with me.

elijah2006 · Sep 15, 2010, 05:58 AM

MS Johnson,

I am so sick of these people trying to provide their ethical standards as legal advice. I want you to know that I believe that you have the right to relenquish the rights to your child, and depending on the state you live in, may be able to remove your parental obligations as well (there are several statutes for relinquishing obligations). Check out your local government regulations on relenquishing parental rights and obligations to a child for your state. And don't EVER do research on blogs like these where people would love to push their own agenda without knowing your mental and emotional state. If you were some pyscho man, no one would think twice about you getting the hell out of the mother's life. You know yourself better than anyone, evaluate your own legal rights using accurate sources and don't listen to close minded people who have been brainwashed to conventiality.