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mommalette · Aug 25, 2008, 10:21 AM

I have a 11 month old little girl and her father only ever sees her when its convent for him. He has no job and spends all of him money on buy and smokeing pot. He won't quit to get a better job to support her. And when he dose see her he has his mom take care of her so he can call me and make threats to me and the people I love and care about. So dose any body know anyway I can get he's right taken away form him. Im hoping to move soon and leaving with my new husband who wants to adobt my daugther. So please if any body has any help please tell me. Thank you

stinawords · Aug 25, 2008, 10:28 AM

You can't just take his rights away. If his mom will testify that he is neglectful of the baby then you might be able to get his visitation modified but courts don't generally grant TPRs. Have you asked her bio dad if he will allow the adoption? If you have been married for at least a year and the bio dad is willing to allow it you just get the lawyer and it will be pretty easy. However, as I said you can't just have his rights taken he has to do it willingly for the adoption.

fabjenjen · Aug 27, 2008, 12:16 PM

I know that in some states, you can have parental rights taken away for non support of a year or over. Once you have not received child support in over a year, you can file paperwork with the court. He will probably fight you just because, but you can also bring up the other factors. You might also consider getting CPS involved. Call them with a tip that he is being neglectful and they will check it out. Unfournately though, if his mother takes good care of the baby, no matter what he is doing, he is providing supervision. If you know of a time and place he has pot on him, you can always alert the police and that way there will be a record of the arrest. Good Luck with it all, I know it's a hard road. Also, you can get a restraining order or a protective order if you are really afraid of him and that will help a lot in your case too.

ANB428 · Aug 27, 2008, 12:26 PM

You can not get his rights taken away from him. Even if he has not paid child support. The process that fabjenjen is talking about is abandonment and that is if the bio father has no contact what so ever with you or the child and has not paid child support and then you have to go through a process of putting an article in the newspaper for so many days and if he doesn't respond then you can get him for abandonment, but if he is a part of the child's life then you can not get his rights removed. Even if he is arrested for pot, that won't get his rights taken away. People get arrested for drugs all the time and their kids are not taken away unless they are in danger. The bio father has to sign over his rights willingly before your fiancé can adopt the child. It really sucks, but that is the law. I am going through the same freaking process and my daughter's father hasn't been in her life for the past 3 years and I have received no child support. Good luck with everything, I hope that it all works out for you.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 27, 2008, 12:45 PM

I am going to be very rude, I am sure in less than 20 months this loser has not changed to be a loser, So obvioiusly he was a drug using loser when you were dating and sleeping with him, But now he is not good enough?? Ok I don't think he is either but people need to consider who the father of their child will be when they sleep with them.

But no, if you enforce child support very strongly, he may be willing to

justiceseeker · Oct 8, 2008, 04:30 PM

Go to the child protective service department in your local county social service agency and make a complaint. The child will be assigned to social workers who will help you get sole custody and possibly terminate his parental rights. He is a danger to her. Make certain they will like your situation because you will be scrutinized too.

ScottGem · Oct 8, 2008, 04:51 PM

Generally the courts will only terminate rights to clear the way for adoption or if the parent represents a danger to the child.

In the case of adoption the parent has to agree to the termination. In the case of a danger, there generally has to be overwhelmining evidence to support it.

So the odds of your getting his rights terminated involuntarily are slim.

In my opinion your best bet is to go hard on forcing him to pay support. Then offer the carrot that you will drop support if he allows your husband to adopt. You may want to try and get gtandma involved, promising her that you will continue to let her be a part of the child's life if she can get him to agree to let your husband adopt.

As far as your moving, is there a court ordered visitation schedule? If there is you NEED to get the court's permission and your ex's to move if it will mean a change to the visitation. It doesn't matter that he doesn't take advantage of the visitation, just that it exists.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 8, 2008, 05:07 PM

Very seldom will courts in the US, take away rights just because they do not pay child support or viist.

First is there a court order of support, if not, go get one, is there a custody order and a child visit order?

You turn them over to child support enforcement

justiceseeker · Oct 9, 2008, 07:34 AM

If the errant parent is a danger to the child - drug user etc. the court will consider a CINA case. This is a process involving the State Protective Services social workers and the court. If the child is in danger from the father's habits or associations, the mother should do this immediately.

JudyKayTee · Oct 9, 2008, 07:43 AM

Originally Posted by justiceseeker

Go to the child protective service department in your local county social service agency and make a complaint. The child will be assigned to social workers who will help you get sole custody and possibly terminate his parental rights. He is a danger to her. Make certain they will like your situation because you will be scrutinized too.

The fact that he's a lousy person doesn't make him a danger to the child. Maybe visitation and/or custody will be pulled from him but I don't think his parental rights will be terminated for failure to visit, failure to support. Smoking pot - and whatever else he's doing unless he's a danger.

FrChuck has some great experience in the system with seemingly unfit parents.

justiceseeker · Oct 9, 2008, 07:51 AM

I have done this successfully. I have worked in the system, in the justice department and in the department of social services. What is more I have accomplished this through the CINA route with a child who is a grand child without legal cost to myself. This was done through CINA -Child In Need of Assistance. And yes, of course, the child must be deemed in danger. One must be ready and willing to raise the child without financial assistance from anyone - the court will not look as kindly on one who is doing this for financial gain.