Ok, this is the deal... My husbands exgirlfriend has never taken interest in her son. When I first started dating my now husband his son son was 3 months old. She was living with her grandparents and took off for days. At one point she dropped him off with us and never looked back. When he was a year and a half we had her sign a paper stating she was giving us sole custody. Nothing has gone through the courts and up until a couple years ago she would still see him every once in a while. It has now been over 2 years since she has seen him. He is 9 years old and thinks I am his mother.

We want to make this happen for real but have no idea where she is as she always moves around a lot and never holds a job. Her grandparents moved and we do not speak to them due to another situation that happened when he was 6. Is there a way for me to adopt him if we can not find her? Also with us having him for 8 years would we get in trouble for moving to another state? I can never find anyone to help us. They listen to the issue but then want 5K before answering. I am desperate as I love this child as my own and would hate the thought if anything happened to me and his father and I would never see him again. If someone can point me in the right direction I would really appreciate it.

You refer to her as an ex girlfriend so they weren't married? Is your husband listed on the birth certificate?

You made a mistake in not going through the courts to record the sole Custody agreement she signed. I would head down to Family Court TODAY and ask them how to record that. Also ask about adoption. You might want to wait until you move (which shouldn't be a problem once sole custody is recorded).

You will probably have to at least show a good faith effort to find her to get her to sign a relinquishment of her rights so you can adopt.

They were not married, when he was little we revised the birth certificate to change his last name to his fathers and to add him as the father on the birth certificate. The reason we have not gone through the courts is it is just to costly to get a lawyer for us and Unfortunately they say I make too much money so we can not get leagal assistance. That is why I was hoping I could do some of these things on my own so that when it is time to get a lawyer the fees may be less. Do you know what is required as a good faith effort to locate her?

So basically unless the court has ruled on it, while you have a paper agreement, the judge has not ruled on it.

For the adoption, you and he will need to file in court and have the ex sign over all her rights to the child and agree to the adoption.

Adoption is a court proceeding. No way around that. But you may not need an attorney for such things. Talk to the people at Family Court and find out what you need to do.

If we don't know where she is how are we going to go to court and get her to sign her rights and agree to the adoption? I saw one of the answers that stated we have to prove we tried to look for her. How do you do this so when we go to court we can show the judge as she will not be at the hearing?

You can post notices in the legal section of a newspaper that covers her last known address. You can make attempts to contact relatives and friends. The court clerk may be able to help you with a checklist of things to do. But you have to show the judge you made a good faith attempt.

Does anyone know if we would get in trouble if we left the state before getting all of this done?

Unless there is a court ordered visitation agreement in place, then your moving shouldn't be a problem.

I am not sure what the law is in FL but I have a similar situation brewing here in SC. The law here in SC is that if the child goes six months with no contact or support then the child can be adopted by the stepparent for very little cost and aggravation. Here the stepparent adoption is about 1500 dollars. I would check on that. A lot of attorneys have a no fee consultation. If you can't find her, it may be possible to put a notice in the paper to serve as notice. I think he definitely needs to go to court and establish actual legal custody before any of this can happen. Some attorneys are willing to work out a payment plan for fees. The most you can do really in trying to find her is sending a notice to last known address, if she did not leave a forwarding address, that just speaks volumes to me, I think it would to a judge too.