Ok... where to start... I am a father and my child lives in another state with her mother. Her mother is married and has been for quite a few years. My child's mother is leaving her husband and plans to move back to the state in which I live. My child's mother and I have had a court ordered child support order in the past(I paid her), but we've since worked out a verbal agreement and have cancelled the court order(a couple of years ago). The stepfather is angry over the coming divorce and has threatened me verbally that he is going to sue me over "back" child support that he thinks HE is entitled to for having played a part in raising my child. Is he in any way entitled to anything like that??? My child's mother and I are not getting back together, and she is prepared to help defend me if need be. Her soon to be ex-husband is looking to blame someone for his marital problems and is trying to blame me because his wife and I are still friends. What rights does he have and what rights do I have to protect myself against an angry stepparent? Any advice is much appreciated.

We did go through the proper channels to change the child support order. There is no child support order as of a couple of years ago. We both signed off that we have agreed to handle child support ourselves. We have been civil toward each other and have had no problems other than her husband complaining that I wasn't paying enough(He seems to think I should be paying thousands of dollars or something). As of this moment, there is NO court order for child support in effect.

He claims to have spoken with an attorney that tells him he has every legal right to sue and collect on any money he paid out to support my kid. He could be just blowing smoke, but I just want to be sure. Has anyone else ever run into a problem like this?

purplewings

JudyKayTee, I apologize for responding with a rating. Didn't realize that was how this site rates, and you asked not to be messaged. If there is a way to remove the rating I will - let me know how. I wanted the comment between you and I and not as a post up for public censure. We all have opinions and no one of us is 100% right or wrong all the time.

BTW, there is another site that translates well also, and is free and immediate: I've used it for years. I used it days ago for this and got the same as posted above from Babel Fish.

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Wishing you a lovely day.

JudyKayTee

[quote=purplewings]JudyKayTee, I apologize for responding with a rating. Didn't realize that was how this site rates, and you asked not to be messaged. If there is a way to remove the rating I will - let me know how. I wanted the comment between you and I and not as a post up for public censure. We all have opinions and no one of us is 100% right or wrong all the time.



No problem - once it's posted I believe it's forever. The site is confusing at first, I agree.

As far as the "no private message" is concerned that's addressed to the lunatic fringe and you don't qualify.

Thanks for the apology, everybody makes mistakes ... and welcome to the forum.

mariposa11

Where is the OP from? In my state, I could marry a millionaire and his income means squat as far as child support goes. The only thing considered (whether I were to work or not) is what I earn or am CAPABLE of earning based on previous employment and education. That is considered along with what BIO dad earns, or is capable of earning. (If he is holding a low paying job to get reduced payments he can still end up paying more due to his income potential.) And in my state, the cost of child care is a factor, although it doesn't significantly increase or reduce payments. Step-parents are not awarded damages for financial strain due to the cost of raising step-children. If you marry a person with a child you should either plan to contribute to the support of your new family, or have worked out the details of how finances will be run in the household before you marry. Besides, this man is probably just trying to blow smoke because he is angry at his ex/wife. Ignore it unless you are actually served.

asking

It seems to me this is the nut of the issue and several people here have not picked up on the legal point that GV70 has been making. Legally, neither parent can waive child support, no matter how much they agree. Support belongs to the child and is owed regardless of what either parent says. So an agreement between the mother and Concerned Dad that he will pay no support has no legal standing. You continue to owe child support; you just haven't paid it. That might be a surprise, but I am pretty confident about the truth of that. GV70 is right.

The reason that a mother (or father) cannot waive child support is that one parent could coerce the other parent into such an agreement. Since it is obviously not in the interest of the child, it is simply outlawed.

So the step father has a point if the unpaid child support was significant amount of money. Whether the step father can collect form Concerned Dad or the mother I have no idea.

I would be interested in knowing on what grounds you agreed not to pay child support. We don't need to know that, but I am curious to know what the reasoning was.

Good luck dealing with the angry step father.
Asking

purplewings

That may be true but if so, why does the FOC have forms available for just that reason?
Is it there as an entrapment device?

My son had agreed to pay the mother quite a lot of money when she was having personal problems. They went together afterwards to Friend of Court and filled out the forms, that were then signed by the Referee. In other words he had paid all his payments to her and more -
A parent can pay support directly to the mother if FOC is not involved and that was how they decided to handle it in the future.

However, a few months down the road, FOC attached his bank account without any warning and took another several thousand dollars.........Being a State Agency, there is no way he can even figure out what it's all about. No one on one communication available.

asking

Is FOC friend of court? I don't know enough about the details of your son's case or your state's laws to know. I'm talking about an overarching principle of family law.

Child support cannot be waived (unlike alimony).

As long as the state does not have to provide funds to your son's children, the agreement can stand. As long as your son's family stays out of court, the agreement can stand. But once a judge becomes involved, he or she does not have to respect the agreement. And once the state finds itself paying anything to the family, it can then overturn the agreement and go after whichever parent owes money to the children. If the state has to pay money to the family, it will not respect any such agreement. It can only stand if the family stays out of court and does not ask for any kind of support from the state.

Does that make sense? I'm just saying the general idea. Obviously, I don't know anything about your son. I'm not implying that he's done anythng wrong! But I thought it would help you to know how the law thinks about it. Maybe FOC attached his bank account because your ex daughter in law made some claim for financial assistance? If she did, they would demand to know the name of her children's father and they would look to see if he was legally responsible for supporting the children. Even if they knew about the agreement--and it's possible they didn't--they could still ignore it. I'm just guessing wildly though. I obviously don't know what really happened.

I hope you are able to sort it out. I know how frustrating bureacracies are! But if you keep making phone calls, eventually you'll probably find someone who can explain what's going on. Sounds like you should get help from a family law attorney.

Good luck!

asking

I think he should assemble a written record of his payments to her, canceled checks and anything else he can find. If it was all cash with no receipts, it is going to be very hard to prove he paid her. Talk to a lawyer!

califdadof3

Under very rare situaton child support can be waived. Most of the situations invole paying off the total amount in whole when there is little chance of deviation or in the case of overpayments then the credits can caus a child support case to be closed. In those types of cases the other obligations still remain ( health insurance and medical expenses of and for the child / children ). Also child support is intended for the child but in reality it belongs to the custodial parent to do with as they wish. There isnt laws that require child support to be used for only the benefit of the child. The only way waving child support is through the courts directly and not by seperate agreement. The best interests of the children always must remain premier.

purplewings

This wasn't my posting but you have helped me figure things out and I thank you for that.

Califdadof3 - "As long as the state does not have to provide funds to your son's children, the agreement can stand. As long as your son's family stays out of court, the agreement can stand. But once a judge becomes involved, he or she does not have to respect the agreement. And once the state finds itself paying anything to the family, it can then overturn the agreement and go after whichever parent owes money to the children. If the state has to pay money to the family, it will not respect any such agreement. It can only stand if the family stays out of court and does not ask for any kind of support from the state."
My son never married the mother of his child as they were both very young at the time. She later married and had two children by that husband.
She did apply for state aid after the agreement with my son, but I can't see how they could determine that amount was owed by my son while she had two other children living there.

Perhaps a family law attorney would be a good idea. Thank you Asking for you thoughts too.

GV70

"She did apply for state aid after the agreement with my son..."
What is relation between these two other children and CS which has to be paid by your son