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My sons father is a loser and I don't want him in our life.

Asked Dec 14, 2008, 09:40 AM — 43 Answers
I understand that I'm going to get some very nasty responses but I'm looking for someone who has been in this situation and can give me advice. I have a soon to be 4 yr old son. I'm in a 10 yr marriage and about 4 yrs ago my husband and I both stepped out together with different people. I ended up pregnant. My husband and I are still together but he did not want to be on the birth certificate but has been the only father and a fabulous one for my son. The person I stepped out with was younger and was a lot different then he is now. The biological father found out about his son through a mutual acquaintance 10 months ago and since has demanded to see his son and trying to break up my marriage. Since- the biological father has moved in with his mother, does not work, can't keep a job and deciede to make his body one complete tattoo yes even on his face. He has horrible veiws and in my opinion and many other's is not a productive member of society. His mother is a wonderfu person but basically takes care of him at the age of 30 and most of the time I have to go through her because he can't seem to even hold a conversation with me. I have documented all the times I have let him see his son but I just can't do it anymore. I need this person out of our lives. I have come to understand that he is this way because he is on medicine for Bi-polor and can't take care of himself. Yet he wants to have a say in his son's life and even thinks my son should have a tattoo on his face when he is older. I LOTH THIS PERSON, and the example he is setting for my son. Through DNA testing it has been proven that he is the father but he is not on the birth certificate. My husband and I don't have money for courts but I know that my sons father has his mother pay for an attorney they already have if necessary . What can my husband and I do to get this person out of our lives.

43 Answers
GV70's Avatar
GV70 Posts: 2,878, Reputation: 1431
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#21

Dec 14, 2008, 02:56 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
OK so 109.125 gives the bio father the rights to contest, but is there any time frame by which he must file?
Yes-there is time frame...till child's 18 birthday.
109.125 gives the bio father the rights to contest only if there was a legal separation. In this case the main problem is because and its absent father's name.
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ScottGem's Avatar
ScottGem Posts: 58,086, Reputation: 28135
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#22

Dec 14, 2008, 02:58 PM


Ewww, bad for the OP then
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GV70's Avatar
GV70 Posts: 2,878, Reputation: 1431
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#23

Dec 14, 2008, 03:02 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
ewww, bad for the OP then
People have to live with the consequences of their actions and lives.
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GV70's Avatar
GV70 Posts: 2,878, Reputation: 1431
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#24

Dec 14, 2008, 03:07 PM
In these conditions the OP does not have standing to ask for back child support/she has ever known facts/, but the boyfriend has claim grounds for distress.
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spershing's Avatar
spershing Posts: 10, Reputation: 10
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#25

Dec 14, 2008, 04:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
First, frankly I don't think you can afford NOT to have an attorney if the bio father has one. Not if you want him out of your lives.

As Judy noted there is no predicting what a judge will do as far as visitation is concerned. But I do have good news for you. You need to get VERY familiar with ORS 109.070-072. The way I read those statutes, if you are your husband were legally married at the time of conception then he is considered the legal father. I'm less clear on this, but I think a challenge to legal paternity needs to be mounted within 2 years. Since your child is 4, I think the bio father's window of opportunity has past and I believe a judge will rule that your husband is the legal father and the bio father has no rights.

But I'm not an attorney so I can't guarantee that's the way things will go.

You also need to prepare all the evidence you can on the bio father's unfitness as a back up. If the judge rules for him, then you can probably force supervised visitation at least initially.

But I really think you should start off with by invoking 109.070 and claiming that your husband is the legal father and the its past the time to challenge that.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Thank you so much you have made my day. I will keep you posted.
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ScottGem's Avatar
ScottGem Posts: 58,086, Reputation: 28135
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#26

Dec 14, 2008, 05:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by spershing View Post
Thank you so much you have made my day. I will keep you posted.
Well you need to read further. There are other statutes I didn't look at.
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spershing's Avatar
spershing Posts: 10, Reputation: 10
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#27

Dec 14, 2008, 06:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GV70 View Post
people have to live with the consequences of their actions and lives.
I understand that people have to live with the consequences of their actions but my child should not have to.
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cadillac59's Avatar
cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 509
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#28

Dec 14, 2008, 07:45 PM
I haven't looked at the Oregon statute yet but I can tell you under California law (Oregon often follows our lead on things) the bio-dad is out. I frankly don't think he has any rights whatsoever- none under the relevant statute and no constitutional arguments to fall back on either. His DNA test means nothing and is irrelevant if it wasn't ordered by the court.

Understanding this is Oregon, I'll take a look at 109.070 and see if it changes my mind. But in California, as I said, you'd have nothing to worry about and could tell the bio-dad to get lost. If he went to court you'd stand a very good chance of having his case through out.
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cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 509
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#29

Dec 14, 2008, 07:54 PM
Oregon's law looks an awful lot like California's but I'd have to research the case annotations to provide a definitive answer, which I don't have access to at the moment.

It seems the husband has a presumption of paternity (irrespective of the biology) and the bio-dad has none. The DNA testing is irrelevant as it was not court ordered.

Sounds like a pretty strong case against bio-dad ever prevailing.
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GV70's Avatar
GV70 Posts: 2,878, Reputation: 1431
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#30

Dec 14, 2008, 11:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cadillac59 View Post
I haven't looked at the Oregon statute yet but I can tell you under California law (Oregon often follows our lead on things) the bio-dad is out. I frankly don't think he has any rights whatsoever- none under the relevant statute and no constitutional arguments to fall back on either. His DNA test means nothing and is irrelevant if it wasn't ordered by the court.

Understanding this is Oregon, I'll take a look at 109.070 and see if it changes my mind. But in California, as I said, you'd have nothing to worry about and could tell the bio-dad to get lost. If he went to court you'd stand a very good chance of having his case through out.
In my view the child does not have a legal father in this case.109.070 is not fully applicable because no one is listed as a father on because.In this way there is no conclusive presumption that the husband is the legal father.
Second-the OP allows boyfriend to have a sort of relationship with his son and co-operate voluntary with him/ for DNA tests for example/.
Oregon law is designated to protect intact families from third party intruders only if both/ husband and wife/ have taken their legal responsibilities but in this case husband has never done it.HE IS NOT ON CHILD'S because.
Here it has to be read :
ORS 109.070(1) – that a married woman’s husband is rebuttably presumed to be the father of children born to her during the marriage.
109.124 2) “Child born out of wedlock” means a child born to an unmarried woman or to a married woman by a man other than her husband.
ORS 109.125 (1) Any of the following may initiate proceedings under this section:
(d) A [person] man claiming to be the father of a child born out of wedlock or of an
Unborn child who may be born out of wedlock;
(A) The name of the mother of the child born out of wedlock or the [female] woman
Pregnant with a child who may be born out of wedlock;
(B) The name of the mother's husband if the child is alleged to be a child born to a
Married woman by a man other than her husband.
[(B)] (C) Facts showing the petitioner's status to initiate proceedings;
[(C)] (D) A statement that a respondent is the father;

Here the case is not paternity disestablishment but paternity establishment.
109.125 requires him to file a motion for PE,to name mother's husband as a party
Quote:
Originally Posted by spershing View Post
] My husband and I are still together but he did not want to be on the birth certificate….
.to present all facts/
Quote:
Originally Posted by spershing View Post
biological father found out about his son through a mutual acquaintance 10 months ago and since has demanded to see his son and trying to break up my marriage….I have documented all the times I have let him see his son…Through DNA testing it has been proven that he is the father but he is not on the birth certificate….The DNA test was done at DNA services of America and will hold up in court and this was performed under his boyfriend wish.
(7) If a man's paternity of a child has been established under ORS 109.070 and the
Paternity has not been disestablished before proceedings are initiated under ORS 109.125,
The court may not render a judgment under ORS 109.124 to 109.230 establishing another
Man's paternity of the child unless the judgment also disestablishes the paternity
Established under ORS 109.070
SECTION 2. ORS 109.103 is amended to read:

ORS 109.124, as amended by section 20, chapter 160, Oregon Laws 2005, is
Amended to read:
109.124. As used in ORS 109.124 to 109.230, unless the context requires otherwise:
* * *
(2) “Child born out of wedlock” means a child born to an unmarried woman[,] or to a
Married woman by a man other than her husband[, if the conclusive presumption in ORS 109.070
(1)(a) does not apply]
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