sorry for the seemingly typo in the subject, it was intentionall because it wouldnt let me say 'i need some advice' lol.

im a little confused by the police officers ive been dealing with.

my hsuband and i are getting a divorce. we were having trouble before, but yesterday he punched me in the jaw. so its set in stone now that we are done and over.

when he punched me in the jaw, i went to my moms house and called the cops and filed an order. i had to be at the residance it occured at (something about my moms house being in another city, and they cops had to come to me at the city we lived at) and when they got there, issac was there too. they didnt arrest my husband or anything. i thought they were supposed to. all they did was make him go away to a friends house. 'to let him cool down' they gave him the option to leave, or take him to an over night cell at the station.

aparently, because i yelled at him, it wasnt a case of abuse, or battery, it was a case of domestic disturbance.


can i get some insight on the law a bit here? im a little confused about why he wasnt arrested for hitting me. (the same thing also happend to a friend of mine a couple years ago, her husband wasnt arrested for beating her up either, they just took him to jail over night for a 'cool down' period. )

artlady

Here is a site that may be able to give you some insight as to the law and enforcement (or lack of) for domestic violence in your area.
If nothing else they should be able to put you in the right direction.

Violence Against Women - State Domestic Violence Resources

jenniepepsi

thanks hon. gonna go read hehe. (it seems ive been reading all day about all this stuff lol)

Altenweg

It's not a case of domestic disturbance. Domestic disturbance would be if you and your husband were yelling at each other and the neighbors called in.

He hit you, you called the police, that's assault Jennie, plain and simple.

nikosmom

I've been following your other thread: http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriag...388530-12.html

Jennie, there are a few inconsistencies in your story and you need to be completely honest if you want help from us. I understand this may be difficult but a lot of things just aren't adding up.

In your other thread you said your husband got angry and punched you in the face but you intially said you were still in the home (yet oddly enough took the time to post on AMHD before getting away to safety).

Then you said you filed a report yet were told you couldn't be helped because domestic violence is so common. Doesn't make sense because that dispatcher (or whoever you think you talked to) didn't know whether he had a gun, knife, or any other weapon.

Then you said you don't even know if you talked to a police officer so maybe you didn't file a report after all?

Then you said someone is coming out to do an investigation on a different day which really doesn't make sense but you said it...


Now you're claiming you couldn't initially file a report because you were in a different city at your mother's house.

Also, I find it odd that the police would force a victim back into the house with the aggressor - doesn't seem to be in your best interest. And I don't believe that they gave him an "option" on whether he wanted to go to jail or not.

Here's the law: Domestic Violence is a criminal charge and the victim doesn't get a say so in whether charges are pressed. Nor would the assailant have the option on going to jail or going somewhere to "cool off". The STATE presses the charges. It is their duty to keep you and your daughter safe.

Given the way you've presented things this is what I'm reading:

1. My husband assaulted me
2. I hung around the house long enough to blog on AMHD (instead of calling 911 and making a report right then and there)
3. I went to my mother's house to get away
4. I tried filing the police report but were told they couldn't help me because they think it's the norm for women to be beat up and they have to stay neutral
5. I tried filing a police report with a dispatcher and they told me to go back to the house because I have to be in the place where it happened (regardless of being in danger)
6. I go back to the house with the police (to file a report) and my husband opted out of jail by promising to be a good boy
7. The police are planning to come on a different date to take a statement and do an investigation (which... isn't that called a report?)

Here's a site I found with info from your state: Arizona Domestic Violence Law - Phoenix AZ Attorney Craig C. Gillespie


I am not attacking you but as I said in the beginning, you must be completely honest if you want help from us. I've been a victim to domestic violence so I don't take this lightly. I'm also familiar with the thought process of a victim and your behavior isn't consistent. Your story is all over the place and it's just not jiving. I'm also familiar with how domestic violence cases are handled; certain nuances may vary by state but overall the main objective is to keep the victim safe. Your story flip flops quite a bit, Jennie.

J_9

Jennie, I apologize, but I have to agree with NM here.

IF you did call the cops while you and your husband were together, and in your other thread you say you don't bruise easily, it is possible that he was not arrested because there was no physical evidence of abuse. A domestic disturbance is one in which there is a lot of screaming, yelling and threats, but no physical violence. And, yes, they will make the aggressor leave the home for a period of up to 24 hours in a domestic disturbance.

Now, your story does have a lot of holes in it. If you want accurate advice, you really need to get your story straight.

I would also like to say that it is downright dangerous to post your name, your husband's name and your daughter's name via the internet. Using an IP address locater anyone can find where you are at any time.

Jennie, it's not that we don't believe you, but your two threads just don't add up. Were you at home or your mother's when you called the police?

Kindly or offhand? They really are two different things.

This was posted at 12:10pm

This was posted at 12:25pm a little after noon.

Posted at 11:29 pm

Now, these three posts were all on the same day. And the 11:29 post is a bunch of BS. Police are NOT neutral in domestic violence.

Jennie honey, we just need the REAl story, the WhOLE story.

And finally, I don't mean to offend, but you are very open with your Bipolar Disorder....Are you taking your meds?

Justwantfair

You don't have to have a police report to file for an Order of Protection.

If you want to move on with your life, then move on. Your husband is not Ayla's father, your divorce will be simple. File a restraining order and leave, then you don't have to antagonize about all of the issues, just move on to a healthier lifestyle.

The police shouldn't have asked you to go back to the residence and it's not very realistic that they would, they would have told you that they couldn't handle the situation in their jurisdiction because the assault didn't happen there. You would have needed to go back to the juridiction of your husbands house to file with the appropriate cops, even if it was just to go to your local Taco Bell to make the report.

Also, when there is an assault it is not Domestic Disturbance. You yelling would have had no affect on the outcome, he assaulted you. You are allowed to yell, even if you were to hit him back following the first assault, it's the first assaultor who can be taken to jail.

There is a cool down period that can be given in a non-physical altercation. They will ask one party to leave for the evening, in order to lessen the altercation with time. Many people have fights that get out of hand but a cool down period is sufficient for aleviating the tension.

This would have all been determined by the police officers who took the report and their perception of a persistent threat in the situation. What I find very different is that when you first talked about the situation, you never mentioned filing with the police, not until Alty recommended, then you already had filed.

This is a serious issue, I wish you all the best, but your best option is to start letting go and moving on, not dwell in the dramatics.

J_9

Nope, not anymore....they BoTH would have been taken to jail.

Altenweg

I agree with NM, J9 and Justy.

Jennie, things aren't adding up.

It seems that when you're questioned about something then your story changes.

I've been the victim of assault, not at my husbands hand but by previous boyfriends. I have to say that what shocks me most is not the inconsistencies but the LOL's and Hehe's and lightheartedness of your posts. That's simply not how someone who's just been assaulted reacts. It's really shocking to me.

Jennie, you really need to tell us the whole story, be honest if we're going to be able to help you.

No one is here to hurt you, we're all here to help, but we need the truth in order to do that.

J_9

Jennie, I too have been abused. Not by my current husband, but in the past.

As an abused spouse, and from sheer experience, I can tell you that I smell something fishy going on here.