Sole Custody in Wisconsin

Three years ago I bought a house with two of my daughters. We all put the money down to purchase the house and we each have a share of monthly bills for the house. My problem is this: my daughter and her boyfriend have two children. He has not worked or tried to work for over two years. He is abusive and I believe to be a drug user and thief (I have some proof of this). I want him out of my house. Before I kick his a__ out, I want to make sure my daughter has sole custody of the kids. He should only have supervised visitations. My other daughter and me keep a watch over the children and very seldom leave him alone with them. In the past he has destroyed my daughter’s apartment and poured sugar in her car, been arrested for bar fighting, drunk driving, drug and car thief equipment. The only reason I deal with him at all is for the children and the fact that my daughter always claims “she loves him”. Now that love appears over. Please give me some suggestions. I don’t want a violent outbreak here at our home with the children (my daughter once told me he had a gun hidden somewhere—I can’t find it) Please help me. I have been living with this for way too long and so have these poor little children.

Thank you for any help,

Susan

Hello Susan:

I want! I want! I want! Guess what, Susan. We don't always get what we want.

I read your question several times. The first time through, it grated on me. The second time through, it grated on me again. Look, I have no sympathy for a drunken no goodnik. I also have no sympathy for a meddling mother-in-law.

I don't know what the situation is. I can only relate the “flavor” I tasted. You may be everything you think you are. However, in my experience, people who are that wonderful, DON'T SEARCH their family members.

That said, you may have a much bigger problem on your hands. From what I gather, he could be a CO-homeowner, right along side you. Kicking his a** out, may just land you in the slam. Second, YOU can't make sure of ANY custody arrangement – that's up to a judge. And, if you wait till that's over (before you kick him out), the children will be grown up.

What your daughter needs to do, is hire an attorney. What you need to do, is support her, and stay out of her business.

excon

Dear Mr. excon,

First of all I am not his mother-in-law. Second of all I am not meddling- my daughter asked for my help. I don't search family members. You seem way too suspicious of people and their motives.

Thank you for your opinion. I may have come off wrong--I don't think I am "all that". I work hard for a living and expect the same of others.

Perhaps serving jail time has made you a bitter old man!

Hello Susan:

Bitter? Perhaps. But, perhaps not. Actually, I'm a real pussycat. Just look at that cute face!

You're the one who said you couldn't find a gun. I only supposed that you went through his things. You didn't? Well, no wonder you didn't find it. Second of all, for all practical (and legal) purposes, you ARE his mother-in-law. And thirdly, well you got me. I AM suspicious.

I love house plants. So did my mother and my ex-wife. Therefore, I went into the indoor house plant business with my wife and my mother. That was a big, big mistake. The business went great - the partnership soured - probably for a lot of the same reasons your partnership is souring. It's just too damn incestuous.

Even if he was the most caring son-in-law in the world, living with him in the same house is a recipe for disaster. Being a business partner with his wife (and probably him too), is compounding an already bad situation.

Sure, your daughter asked for your help – she's supposed to. You're the one who has to find the right line. I don't know if you're meddling or not. Only you know that. But, there's a fine line between advice and meddling. However, you ARE financially involved, so your advice is going to be tempered by that. Even if your daughter doesn't realize that, YOU should. I know you don't think he's a co-owner of your house, but I suggest that you find out for sure before you start stuff. I think you may need a lawyer too, and not the same one your daughter goes to.

excon

You know although excon did not spice and flower his words here is the facts.


You all have joint ownership in the house, thus unless she wants to kick this person out, I am not sure you really have a choice, unless there was some legal document signed as to who had control.

It is all of yours house, not just "your" house.

Next sorry but she will have to agree to kick him out also ( from what little information you have given) If your name alone is on the deed of trust, and the other daughters merely "loaned" you the money to put a down payment, and they merely agreed as tennants to rent from you by paying expenses, then you may have legal grounds to evict her and him together, since she has not been paying. But if her name is on the deed also, sorry she and anyone she wants can stay at the house.

Custody of the kids, sounds perhaps like the daughter does not need custody of them either from the sound of it. ( and don't give me it is the boy causing all the problem, people make their own choices)
If he is the father of the children, it is very doubtful that the courts would order supervised visitation unless he has been a danger to the children or have some record of child abuse. As a father he is going to have a lot of legal rights also. ( esp in the case where both mother and father appear to have substance abuse issues)

A good lawyer would be a start, but buying a house together with anyone is always a sign for disaster. You may have to end up selling the house, if all parties can not agree on how to pay for it equally.

You may have to sue your daughter for her share of the money to pay the bills as agreed.

So it is all up to your daughter, nothing at all you can really do, unless she kicks him out ( if you do, odds are she will go with him) If they split up, how she wants child custody is up to her to decide with her attorney, not you.

So as excon said, bluntly, it is really not up to you, it is up to your daughter to decide what she wants to do.

I obviously do not make clear statements. I own the house as it is in my name and my credit got the home loan. All I was asking was is there a chance my daughter would get sole custody.

Hello Susan:

It's not quite as simple as that.

>>>Three years ago I bought a house with two of my daughters. We all put the money down to purchase the house and we each have a share of monthly bills for the house.<<<

Let's back up a few steps. I believe you have a naïve viewpoint of the law. That's fine. That's why you're here.

And, I'm probably not explaining myself very well. Ok, I'll see if I can't fix that.

How title is held in the house IS important, however it is not written in stone. I assumed (we know that means) that you hold title as joint tenants, or tenants in common with your daughters. I assumed that, because given the way you explained the purchase and how you handle the payments, the PROPER way for the house to be titled would be with the daughters as co-owners.

I see that you didn't do that, for whatever reason. I now assume (there I go again) that you assume, that means YOU own the house, because you set it up that way. What I'm trying to explain, is that in the eyes of the law, that may not be so.

In real life (for sure) your daughters own part of the house (because they do), no matter how you set it up. Given that I think your daughters legally own part of the house, I also think their husbands/lovers/live in (doesn't matter) owns part of it too. Therefore, I suggest the possibility that the deadbeat, MIGHT have a claim on ownership. I don't know. I don't think there is a “knowing” at this point, given the way title has been held, and lots of other salient factors.

The point I'm making, is that the law will prevail, no matter what you want or intended.

If all you wanted to know, however, is whether there a chance your daughter will get sole custody, my answer is yes. But, like I said. You've got bigger troubles than that.

excon