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My ex-girlfriend just gave birth last Thursday to a baby girl which I believe is mine. She is very manupulative, and yesterday told me never to call or come by again.
All thru her stay at the hospital, no one, not a single nurse or caregiver would even speak to me - in fact they were more likely to call security (which they did because I got upset, but NOT belligerent). They kept me totally in the dark, and she manipulated the facts of our relationship to keep it that way.
I can't see my little girl - I'm a 40 year old man and nothing has prepared me for the amount of hurt and anguish I'm feeling right now.
She is unfit to be a mother in my opinion, and apparently, in the courts as well. She's been in jail or on probation for over half of the three years I've known her - for domestic violence. She has three other children, yet has custody of only one, mine. She is unemployed and has no desire to hold a job.
I'm apalled that society would, sight unseen, deem her more capable a parent than me just because her damn breasts produce milk. I work a good paying job with full medical benefits, have transportation, have a support network of family and friends, and a place to stay that is legitimately my own - she has none of these things.
I want custody of the child, not for me but for my baby's sake.
What do I have to do... i feel like I'm going to burst from the hurt and pain I'm feeling right now - its clouding my judgement, and I want to make the right decisions.
I live in Virginia. Please help - I could use a bit of help right now.
You have every right to seek a paternity test in this case.
If they prove you are the father then you will get visitation rights.
That is the first step in going for custody.
Second step is to prove she is unfit. That can be very hard to do.
But from the sounds of it that shouldn't be to hard to do. From what you have said she has lost custody of her other children and you should be able to get proof of this from child services.
HI,
I also live in VA. Thank you for posting a question here, and Welcome to the site.
You are not absolutely sure you are the Father?
You have some good answers so far, and I would just like to second the idea of getting a Lawyer. Testing will have to be done, possibly DNA, to be sure you are the Father. A lawyer can help you with all these decisions, and will point out what you can and cannot do legally.
Others, such as hospital workers, nurses, doctors, etc, really don't care who you are, since the woman is not married! To them, you can just be someone who walked in off the street.
Please check around in your local area, for the name of a reputable lawyer, experienced with cases of this type. I do wish you the best, and good luck.
First things first. Did she put your name on the birth certificate? If so, you have a better chance of having the baby removed into your custody before the DNA testing that MUST be done in this case. All other answers you have received so far are fantastic, but first see if you name is on the birth certificate, that will make things much easier for you. In some states you do not need DNA testing if your name is on the certificate.
In most states being listed as the father on the birth certificate gives major leverage. However, in other states, Alaska for instance, if the parents are not married but both are still listed on BC the father still has to sign a form acknowledging paternity. This happened to me. All that aside, if the father is listed on the BC, in most cases, the father can petition for custody and a paternity test is not necessary unless court mandated.
Paternity is legally established when the name is listed on BC. If court mandates paternity test and he is shown not to be the father then the BC must be amended.
If this woman is such a loser and troublemaker, why did you get involved with her in the first place? Surely you can tell someone is trouble long before you have kids with her. Knowing when to dump someone can prevent a lot of trouble later on.
I sympathise with you very much. My brother went through the same ordeal all throughout his daughers life and his daughter is now 15. He never did get physical custody of his daughter simply because the mother always promised the courts she would go to school (but of course she never stuck to it). If you find a way to get custody of your child, please let me know. My boyfriend is going through this with his 3 yr old son and I don't want him to feel the pain my brother felt and u are feeling now.
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