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hatedmominnyc · May 11, 2007, 06:53 PM

My ex boyfriend has manipulated our teenaged daughter into thinking that she is not wanted by me. Currently, we have joint custody with physical custody going to him, but he has violated the agreement by putting her in a group home and NOT telling me along with other violations. The only reason I haven't gone to court is because I don't have money like he does. An attorney told me it would cost 10K just for the retainer. I can't afford that, but I want my teenager living in my home. My ex beats his wife and they portray a "happy family" façade. I really need help.

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 07:00 PM

Check out legal aid society in your area. Also contact CPS and turn him in for deserting the daughter into group home, if you have joint custody that should not happen without your approval anyway.

Start for filing for emergancy temp physcial custody.
But things like him beating her, if she will not testify to it, and you can not prove it in court, then to the court it does not happen, only what you can prove is true in court. ** I know it really happens, if you know it does, but proof is the word in court

grammadidi · May 11, 2007, 07:07 PM

Apply for Legal Aid and get a lawyer. If you don't qualify for Legal Aid, then speak with duty counsel either at the court or in the Legal Aid office. A lot of time Legal Aid might determine that you should be able to pay, but they will pay the lawyer and you arrange a payment schedule with them. Frankly I find it difficult to believe that your ex has truly violated the agreement by putting her in a group home and not telling you, but if that's true and you really don't think it is in her best interests to be there, then you need to approach the court fast. A lawyer that says he wants a 10K retainer is full of chicken poop. He is either trying to dissuade you or he should be reported to the law society.

Hope this helps a bit.

Didi

hatedmominnyc · May 11, 2007, 07:08 PM

What is CPS?

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Check out legal aid society in your area. Also contact CPS and turn him in for deserting the daughter into group home, if you have joint custody that should not happen without your approval anyway.

Start for filing for emergancy temp physcial custody.
But things like him beating her, if she will not testify to it, and you can not prove it in court, then to the court it does not happen, only what you can prove is true in court. ** I know it really happens, if you know it does, but proof is the word in court

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 08:09 PM

Children and Family Services, Dept of Human Resourse, DFAS, DFS and Children Protective services. The names vary by state, sorry I should have been clearer)

LadyB · May 11, 2007, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by hatedmominnyc

What is CPS?

Child Protective Services. It goes by different names in different states but you should be able to find it in your phone book under government agencies. Look for Department of Humans Services, Department of Family Services, etc.

grammadidi · May 11, 2007, 08:31 PM

I would like to clarify my previous response.

I was not implying that you weren't being honest and I apologize if it came across that way. I was not questioning that your child was placed into the group home without your knowledge. I could think of no good reason why you would come here and ask for advice under false pretenses! I believed you - it was just difficult for me to understand how he was able to place your daughter in the group home without your input or a court's input. Usually group homes are quite insistent on both parents being involved.

I am well aware that if your ex did place her without your consent, it was likely a violation of the agreement. It was more shock that a group home wouldn't have insisted on both parent's signatures... unless it was a court ordered placement, of course.

I apologize for any misunderstanding due to the wording of my previous post.

Hugs, Didi

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 08:51 PM

Thank you grammadidi, a issue that you mentioned about the attorney wanting 10 grand, that is very common, most attorneys in private practice will require a retainer the from 5 K to 10 K to take most major cases. * at least in the US, they are in business to make money, you don't go to the grocrey store and expect them to give you the food free, you don't go and drive out with a new car free, so the lawyers have to get paid for their service.

grammadidi · May 11, 2007, 09:24 PM

Wow. That is a very high retainer! Most of our retainers here would be between $500 and $2000 in Ontario. I hired a Family Law Specialist here about 5 or 6 years ago (there were only 13 of them in Canada, I believe) and he took a retainer of $1,000 in a case where we were pursuing permanent custody, motion to dispense one parent, consent to adopt by the other and the adoption itself. We knew that the case would cost considerably more, but they only take the $1,000 and when they have used it up, they ask for more. This keeps them paid, and the situation easier to handle monitarily, I guess.

A friend of mine in CT just went through a sticky divorce situation last year. They ended up retaining a mediator who requested $1500. Retainer and a lawyer who requested $1000. Retainer. So, it was my experience that retainers would likely be similar to ours. I must lead a very sheltered life! :D

I would NEVER pay a lawyer a retainer that high for going to court on a violation of a court order... but that's just me, I guess.

Thanks for the information.

Didi

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 09:28 PM

I know it is really bad, that is why you see all of these posts here saying, I can't afford an attorney, The last four I have hired in the last 5 years have all required a mim of 5000 just to look at the case, and if and when that amount of money was used up, more had to be paid before they would continue with the case.

hatedmominnyc · May 12, 2007, 01:31 PM

Chuck and Didi, your advice has proven to be invaluable to me. I thank both of you for your input. I received a petition today (5/12/07) for an increase in child support and full custody. On Monday, I intend to file a violation of our original order and a order to change physical custody. I always thought that I would be looked down upon for not having my daughter in my home to begin with, but I had her best interest at heart at the time, now what he is doing is appalling. If he were not manipulating her this would have worked out. I have no problem paying child support because she is my responsibility, but he is using her to get back at me for severing our (he and I) relationship. My daughter once told me that he said I am the reason we are not a happy family, living together under one roof, which is far from the truth. I should have acting right then and there. I will let you know what happens in court on the 24th of this month.

grammadidi · May 12, 2007, 10:24 PM

Best of luck to you! My heart and thoughts are with you and I will anxiously await to hear how court goes!

Amazing that he places her in a group home then takes you to court for an increase in child support AND full custody. What a guy. I am so glad you got away from that.

Hugs, Didi

krystal1973 · May 12, 2007, 10:49 PM

If you can't afford an attorney right, now at least get a copy of your court papers showing joint custody of your daughter, take them up to the group home, and demand an explanation of why they placed her without your consent. Its worth a try. At least request the papers on the conditions of placement in the group home, Get the ball rolling on something and get as much information that you can on the situation. Knowledge is power, especially when there's not a lot of money, sometimes its all you have.
Also you could try your local universities for legal aid advice or help, call your church, and call more attorneys and see if they will give you a break or work something out. Good luck with it.

hatedmominnyc · Jul 18, 2007, 05:52 PM

THANK YOU CHUCK AND DIDI!!

I did exactly what you said and then some. I fought for full custody of my daughter which was awarded to me today :)

The judge was disgusted, to say the least, by the ex's behavior and wanted to know how and why my daughter was placed without my consent. My daughter is old enough to choose where she wishes to live and with everything that happened, the judge ruled that it would be in her best interest to reside with me. We are starting counseling next week and all should go well. I am so glad I fought, but most of all I am glad I came upon this website and got the advice that I did. Thanks again!