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FordFx · Jan 20, 2007, 12:59 AM

I am a 35yr old mother with 4 children. My oldest of 11yrs has never known his father, this was by his choice. I have asked his father if he'd be willing to relinquish his rights as his father and he agreed since he never sees him anyway. Now my question is, how can we go about doing this without without lawyers and such? If possible.

My child's father would like to relinquish if parental rights, I agreed. How can we do this without having to go through lawyers and such?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 20, 2007, 08:23 AM

There is no real legal reason for this, he does not see the child, you don't want him to see the child and you can't force him to see the child anyway.

His giving up his rights does not take away his legal responsibility to pay child support and you need to be forcing that to be paid,
Paying Child support is not connected with giving up fathers rights, unless the child is being adopted by a step parent.

So what does him giving up any "rights" do for you or for him, since it is agreed he does not want anything to do with child, and you agree with it also.

But if you are not collecting the child support due the child, and the father is not paying the child support required, that is a totally different issue, not related to giving up his rights, and he needs to understand this also, that giving up rights, is not giving up his obligation to pay child support

ScottGem · Jan 20, 2007, 08:30 AM

This question seems to be asked several times a week here. There are lots of threads where the issue is discussed. And all those discussions say the same thing. Please browse through this forum and read them.

shygrneyzs · Jan 20, 2007, 03:05 PM

You cannot do this without an attorney and the court process. Just because you two agree does not mean it is done.

FordFx · Jan 21, 2007, 10:05 PM

Thank you all for your advice, in ways yes it has helped, but not in some. As for the child support, he has never paid me a dime. And I have never ask for it as he obviously wanted nothing to do with the child. Can I just have a lawyer serve him some papers regarding his relinquishing on his own? As for the child being adopted by a stepparent, yes that's what would be happening. The man I'm with now would like do adopt and the father has no problems with this. Thanks again for your time and advice, very much appreciated.

ScottGem · Jan 22, 2007, 06:36 AM

Again this has been covered many times before. As part of the adoption proceedings, the bio father would have to sign a paper relinquishing his rights. Most likely, the judge will require his presence in court to make sure its voluntary.

You will need an attorney to prepare the adoption papers and that attorney can prepare all the papers necerssary and advise you further. It shouldn't be too expensive.

K_3 · Jan 22, 2007, 07:23 AM

My husband adopted my daughter when she was 5. Our lawyer sent the paperwork to my X and he had to sign it and have it notorized. (He lived out of state) The lawyer sent the paperwork through the courts for both relinquishing his rights and for the adoption at the same time. We did not have to go to court, it was all done through the lawyer. The reason I wanted it done was to make sure if anything happened to me, my X would not have rights to make decisions as to what would happen to my daughter.
It was a very simple process.

ScottGem · Jan 22, 2007, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by K_3

My husband adopted my daughter when she was 5. Our lawyer sent the paperwork to my X and he had to sign it and have it notorized. (He lived out of state) The lawyer sent the paperwork thru the courts for both relinquishing his rights and for the adoption at the same time. We did not have to go to court, it was all done thru the lawyer. The reason I wanted it done was to make sure if anything happened to me, my X would not have rights to make decisions as to what would happen to my daughter.
It was a very simple process.

Local laws vary. But I don't think you can say it's a very simple process. Your attorney made it simple for you because he took care of everything. But make sure the forms were composed properly, dealing the bio parent being in another state, etc were all complexities handled by the atty. Which is why I recommended that Ford retain one.

I am surprised, however, that you did not have to go to court, even if only for the final approval where the judge signs off.

K_3 · Jan 22, 2007, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Local laws vary. But I don't think you can say its a very simple process. Your attorney made it simple for you because he took care of everything. But make sure the forms were composed properly, dealing the bio parent being in another state, etc were all complexities handled by the atty. Which is why I recommended that Ford retain one.

I am surprised, however, that you did not have to go to court, even if only for the final approval where the judge signs off.

Did I give the impression for her NOT to get an attorney or did I disagree with what you said?

K_3 · Jan 22, 2007, 08:52 AM

Actually, in some states you can handle it on your own. Check with the courts and get the proper paperwork and hope for the best. When a step parent wants to adopt a child and you go through a lawyer it is a simple process for you. Some states may do an evaluation by someone appointed by the courts. We went to the lawyers office once. We signed all of the papers necessary for everything right then. He sent off the one to my X. He called me when he got them back from him. He called me and said the paperwork and her new updated birth certificate was in the mail. It was that simple.

ScottGem · Jan 22, 2007, 09:12 AM

No, I was just pointing out that its not as simple as you said and that it may not be done as simply as it was for you. Anything can be done without an attorney if the person wants to do enough research. But would YOU like to live in a house built by someone who doesn't know carpentry?

K_3 · Jan 22, 2007, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

No, I was just pointing out that its not as simple as you said and that it may not be done as simply as it was for you. Anything can be done without an attorney if the person wants to do enough research. But would YOU like to live in a house built by someone who doesn't know carpentry?

AHH it was just that simple when using an attorney, that is why I used one. I do live in a house built by a carpenter. Life can be lived easily and simply when one chooses it to be, you sir seem to want it to be challenging. That is why you make a challenge of a simple statement of fact and truth.

ScottGem · Jan 22, 2007, 09:40 AM

No, What I am doing is trying to give people realistic expections. I think your experience was the exception not the rule. I am trying to prepare the OP for the realities rather than set them up for disappointment, or worse making a mess of things.

K_3 · Jan 22, 2007, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

No, What I am doing is trying to give people realistic expections. I think your experience was the exception not the rule. I am trying to prepare the OP for the realities rather than set them up for disappointment, or worse making a mess of things.

You never cease to amaze me. I am at a loss of how they could possibly be disappointed or make a mess of things by the post I made. Is your first language English?

ScottGem · Jan 22, 2007, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by K_3

You never cease to amaze me. I am at a loss of how they could possibly be disappointed or make a mess of things by the post I made. Is your first language English?

You made the process sound like a piece of cake, when its not usually that way, especially without an attorney to smooth things over.

Kaeleesha · Jan 22, 2007, 11:38 AM

K_3 how much did it cost you to hire a lawyer for that? I'm in the same situation (trying to have my husband adopt my daughter and have her bio father relinquish rights) and I didn't think I could afford a lawyer but I know it would be much easier to go through a lawyer instead of doing it on my own (because I don't know very much about this at all).

shygrneyzs · Jan 22, 2007, 01:24 PM

I think before you ask someone else what it cost them, you should ask an attorney where you live. Everyone has a different rate - some by hour or some by a minimum fee. My former husband and I spent a little less than $400.00 to adiopt our son. Had we done that same adoption by another attorney, we would have paid anywhere from $550.00-$700.00.

So you need to do your homework in the place where you live, when it comes to attorney's fees.

Kaeleesha · Jan 22, 2007, 02:37 PM

Oh, I know all attorneys charge different amounts, I just thought maybe I could get an idea about what it would cost. Shygrneys, did you have to pay for a home inspection or some kind of home visit?

Kaeleesha · Jan 22, 2007, 02:39 PM

By the way, I haven't tried asking an attorney around here because when I was looking for someone to represent me in a custody case, the few attorney's I contacted around here wanted about $75 just to talk to them! They wouldn't even give me an estimate on how much the total cost would be!

shygrneyzs · Jan 22, 2007, 03:04 PM

About the pre-adoption phase - the county made the home inspection, the fire marshall did his inspection, and we had three home visits by the county, which we did not pay for. Now that does not mean the person in the next state would have the same deal.

If you are below a certain income, you may qualify for Legal Assistance. Every state does have that - it is funded via state and federal funds. No harm in asking if you would qualify and what all they could do.

I can understand why some attorneys ask for money upfront when someone approaches them with a question. They get bombarded on a daily basis with people who call with questions. Must take up a great of time that could be used with a paying client. When you see a doctor, you pay for his opinion before he even treats you. Even mechanics now will charge a minimum just to make a vehicle diagnosis.

Hope it all works out well for you and good luck!