[iwannacarpediem]

First, let me start by saying that originally I wanted to wait until marriage to first have sex, but that changed when I was 18. I have only had two real boyfriends, and the guy I gave it up to I was with for a rocky almost 2 yrs, and I didn't give it up until near the end of our relationship. I didn't have a real problem with the fact that I didn't wait, and don't now. We only had sex 3 or 4 times and it was not enjoyable whatsoever. I thought that it was because sex was something I hadn't experienced a lot of, therefore it wouldn't be something I enjoyed without a little more practice.

Now I am 20 and I am in a relationship with a woman for the first time. It's not something I really planned to happen, and I don't consider myself gay, but we have been together for about 10 months now. At first the sex in our relationship was normal. We would have sex probably 4 times a week and it was great. This was how is was for about 6 months or so and it has been the best sex I can say I have had. But, in the last few months it's just not that easy for me anymore. We only have sex mabye once a week... sometimes it's even longer than that. My partner continually tells me that I don't please her and threatens me that if I don't give it to her she will have to go find it somewhere else. She is a very sexual person, and needs to have sex a lot... I'm just not like that. Even in the years before I ever had sex I could go without masterbating for more than a month. My ex that I gave it up to used to ask me all the time in the earlier months of our relationship, "how can you just not want to have sex?", my excuse was always that I was waiting, and I believed it. Sex is just not a necessity to me, and we (my female partner) have tried to talk about it multiple times but nothing seems to change.

Also, our relationship is a complete secret... from everyone. I also live with my partner... and her former roommate and another roommate. I don't know if the fact that I have to lie to my friends and family everyday about my relationship with this person is affecting my emotional ties to sex, or if I just have a problem. I have also gained some weight in the past few months and don't feel happy with my body. On top of all this, my partner gets very upset with me when I don't let her touch me... but its not when we are having sex... its ALL the other times. She continually fondles me everywhere even when I am trying to do things like sleep, read, watch television, and so on. And when I try to move away she gets mad. This morning I was laying with her in her bed trying to relax (because we are both sick) and she is trying to fondle my nipples. I tried to tell her nicely that I was tired and didn't feel well so she would stop but the second I said this she turned over and stopped talking to me. I know this may seem wrong of me, but that is a sensitive area and not something I want to be touched when I am sick! Also, she continually calls me things like a prude, and is always telling me how I don't satisfy her, which also just makes me mad and pushes me away even more. And if I say something about it she just answers me with the fact that it's true.

I love my partner very much, she is my best friend and is a wonderful person and yes, it hurts me that I apparently do not satisfy her. When we do have sex, I enjoy it a lot, but I just never seem to be in the mood to do it. I feel like it has become a chore now because of how much I get nagged about it. But I know there has to be something wrong with me. Have I lost my sex drive? I love my girlfriend, she is a very special person and I don't want to lose her. Please Help.:confused:

[Xrayman]

Now I am 20 and I am in a relationship with a woman for the first time. It's not something I really planned to happen, and I don't consider myself gay, but we have been together for about 10 months now.

What does that mean??
Do you find females sexually arousing? You live and have sex with her for 10 months now-sorry to tell you, you are at the very least, bisexual-I get the feeling that you may be feeling a little more hetrosexual nowadays hence why you don't really want female to female sex? I don't quite get it.

[sylvan_1998]

The more you pull away, the more insecure she feels and the more she pushes, the more she pushes you resist, the more you resist the more desperate she becomes, the more desperate, the meaner she is, the meaner she is the more you distance yourself and the cylcle continues.

It is a bad paradigm to be in. You have to break the cycle. If you two can work this out, come up with some rules, then you will probably increase your sex drive. Set some rules, such as No means No and set a way for her to test the waters (so to speak) before soing in for the kill.

Relationships are so much more than sex but sex is affected by all else in the relationship. The decrease in sex may be an indicator of how the relationship is going mentally and emotionally for you (if you can rule out all physical problems). Not being able to be true to your relationship may be more taxing on you than you realize.

You need to address the verbal abuse first, resolve that, then see how the sex is. Once that is addressed, everything else may fall into place.

[Choux]

It sounds to me like you don't have a firm sense of depth of identity most likely because you are young. That can lead to confusion and lack of pleasure in your sex life

"Kicks (do) keep getting harder to find"... and sustain. :) Increasing depth in your sexuality is harder.

[iwannacarpediem]

Thank you to those that gave advice, I found it helpful. I will try to "break the cycle" as you said, sylvan_1998, and see how that works because you really described in a nutshell how I have been feeling. Thanks =)