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numb1 · Mar 11, 2008, 09:23 PM

I am about to get married to my girl friend of 2 years and she has a 3yo. Son who is living with her mother right now. The reason he is with her is because my fiancée could not support him and felt it would be better for him to live with his grandma till she got on her feet. Any how when we marry next week we want him to come live with us. My question is what rights do I have for custody of my step child?

I don't think that their will be any problems with custody but it is always good to know your rights and I like to be prepared for the worst.

LifePaparazzi · Mar 11, 2008, 09:32 PM

As a step parent, you have little to no rights at all, unless you have been an active part of the child's life and separation from you would cause distress. I have been a step parent for 10 years now. We have had a number of custody issues. The court flat out told the children's new step father that he has no rights what so ever. He was trying to separate the children from their father and have all the rights given to the mother. He found out real quick that he had NO rights in regards to the children.

oneguyinohio · Mar 11, 2008, 10:01 PM

Your fiancé is the one with the rights. If you adopt the child, then your rights would be equal to hers. Of course, adoption is another issue and would depend on other factors beyond your question.

As far as parenting and issues that might be involved with discipline, you will need to work those out with his mother. I have seen cases where the mother did not want the step father to do any of that.

In my family, a brother-in-law, was often in some potential trouble with law over domestic issues that involved those discipline issues... along with the entire "you're not my dad" stuff.. It was a messed up situation, and I only mention it so that you might be able to discuss with your fiancé those issues before they become a problem.

LifePaparazzi · Mar 12, 2008, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Your fiance is the one with the rights. If you adopt the child, then your rights would be equal to hers. Of course, adoption is another issue and would depend on other factors beyond your question.

As far as parenting and issues that might be involved with discipline, you will need to work those out with his mother. I have seen cases where the mother did not want the step father to do any of that.

In my family, a brother-in-law, was often in some potential trouble with law over domestic issues that involved those discipline issues...along with the entire "you're not my dad" stuff.. It was a messed up situation, and I only mention it so that you might be able to discuss with your fiance those issues before they become a problem.

That is indeed great advice. It was a HUGE issue for my husband when the step father took it upon himself to beat the children, leaving bruises and all.

May I suggest that you take a county sponsored, divorced parents class. My husband encouraged me to do so, prior to our marriage. It made me more prepared to know what might come up and how to deal with it realistically. It will also prepare you emotionally for what is ahead... yes, even men.