[JaeMarie]

Hello!



I am 24 years old, and I am the "de facto custodian" of my 15 (almost 16) year old sister. She has been living with me in my apartment since October 2006. I provide her shelter, transportation, food, clothing, everything. I receive $25/mo from our mother to go towards a gym membership for my sister, and that is all.



Here is the back story...



Our Mother and my sister's father (my step father), are alcoholics. They drink every day and get very verbally abusive. There had been many calls to the police while my sister lived with them for domestic disputes (usually not involving my sister). However, they were both verbally abusive to her. Her Father was physically abusive to her a few times as a young child, but not in recent years.



One night, after drinking, our Mother decided she had had enough of her life with her husband, and took out a large knife from the kitchen. (My sister still lived there, but was not in the home at the time, she was with me). She went into the bedroom, then walked out, stabbed her couch, then called the police and said she would kill her husband if they didn't come and pick her up. She waited outside on the steps for them, and they arrested her.



She spent about 2 weeks in a rehab/mental ward of the hospital. Her doctor's told her that because of the years of mental and physical abuse by her husband, that when released she should cease contact with him. Instead she went right back to her apartment with him. We moved my sister's belongings out, and into our Grandmother's condo. My sister lived with her Grandmother for 2-3 weeks, when it became evident that it was too difficult for our grandmother to handle. Our Grandmother is in her 70's and takes care of her 50 year old daughter who is mentally handicapped with parkinsons. At the end of her stay with our Grandmother... because of all of the stress with her parents and such, my sister attempted suicide by swallowing pills.



She was admitted to an inpatient rehab center (St. Clare's in Denville, NJ) for 2 weeks. We decided it would be best if she not return to her home with her mother and father, and move in with me temporarily until they got their act together.



DYFS was contacted by St. Clare's to follow up with the situation. The worker told our Mother and her Father that they would need to be able to accommodate my sister and seek counseling, then my sister could return to their home.



Shortly there after, they were evicted from their apartment and were living in a hotel. Since then they have moved into a small one room studio apartment (with no room for my sister), and continue to drink.



The case worker was supposed to follow up with both myself (to see my apartment) and the parents (to make sure they were making progress), but did neither and closed the case.



Now I am only 24 years old. And although I am able to, and doing a good job of taking care of my sister, it is financially straining. I work 2 jobs (I make $35,000/year from Full-Time, and about another $4,000 from my part time). But after I pay the bills, put gas in the car, and feed the two of us.. I have NO MONEY left over. So when I have a problem with my car.. or something else unexpected comes up, I have to borrow money from family members which leaves me in debt. My sister knows of the financial situation and I know it stresses her out as well.



I have been told that I can get assistance through the New Jersey Kinship Navigator Program. However, I must have custody of my sister (not Legal Guardianship, just custody), inorder to be eligible.



I know that her parents will not willingly give custody to me. They currently receive state health benefits, because they are a "family" with a "child". If I receive custody, will they loose their benefits? If they won't lose their benefits, there is a better chance they will give up custody, and I believe that is the only reason they would not. I know my sister won't lose her benefits (even if she did, I could put her on the health insurance plan at my job).



Also - my sister would like to continue attending the High School in the town where her parents live. If I have custody, but they are still her Legal Guardians, will she HAVE to go to High School where I live? Or can she continue at the same school?



And my last question... where do I start to request the custody transfer?



I know I probably volunteered way more information that what you need, but I feel like the more knowledge you have the better.



We live in New Jersey.



Thank You!



Jamie

[GV70]

I am not sure for NJ but... Some states allow for cases as yours to file for temporary custody Her mother and father have to sign a notarized papers... After that you have to go to the Court and to ask for custody.The more difficult way to obtain custody is to prove in the Court their bad behavior... The easiest way for you is to go to Child Protection Office and to ask them what have to be done.
Good luck.

[jadedagain13]

Receiving financial benefits for a child not in your care is considered fraud so your parents should not be claiming her if she's living with you.

Sometimes its possible to get alternate school forms to fill out that will allow for a child to remain in school out of district for a variety of reasons. You might want to see if this is possible where your sister is attending school. Some parents for example will request a child stay in a school that is closer to their work in case of emergencies. Its my understanding this type of arrangement is more common in high school because some schools may not offer the same courses as others and for teens who are college/university bound, they may require courses at an alternate location.