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heidib2007 · Jul 10, 2007, 08:56 PM

I would like to move my daughter out of state. Her father and his family are not the best influence for her life. Her father and I were never married. I am getting married in one month and my fiancé has two great job opportunities out of state. Any suggestions, advice, or anyone have experience in a similar situation?

Haxzor50 · Jul 10, 2007, 08:58 PM

Well, take it step by step here...

Do you have the fathers permission?

Do you have custody?

Child support?

heidib2007 · Jul 10, 2007, 11:35 PM

I do not have the fathers permission, and am possitive he will fight me on this.

I do have full legal custody, we have joint physical custody

He is around $3,000 dollars behind in child support. He has been to jail several times in the past for non payment of child support for his other child with his ex-wife.
But he was recently diagnosed (falsly I believe) with being bi-polar, so now he gets social security. So I get $44 a month from them and he cannot go to jail for non payment of child support.

He is 30 years old, lives at home with his parents, has not had a drivers license in at least 8 years, has at least 2 felonies on his record, and hasn't held down a job for over a year in the last his whole life.

I am not doing this to be selfish, or to be mean to him. It is just that I truly believe that this is the best thing for my daughter. I am a firm believer that if possible children be raised in a single family home. As I mention he lives with his parents as well as two of their grandchilren. Both his parents are on social security, every member of his family has been divorced and remarried and they have so many different kids and people coming in and out of that house it's ridiculous. There is no stability, she watches TV 24 7 and goes to bed at midnight. The kids run the show over there.

Haxzor50 · Jul 11, 2007, 12:18 AM

Well, she deffinitley needs structure... I'm behind you 100%..

Before you even try to move her out of state, you should at least try getting full physical custody... with his record, and "disorder", it should be easily done, but I'm only guessing that you have a clean record?

With his backed child support, this makes it easier too...

Exactly how far out of state are we talking about? Like... once-a-month visits to her father, or once-a-year, or what? The court will deffinitley consider that when he tries to fight you on this... Do you have any idea of what medication he takes for this bipolar disorder?

One pill that people usually go to the doctor about bipolar disorder for is seroqual, it's a lethal drug, pretty much pure lithium... it knocks you out pretty much... someone can sleep on a seroqual for 2 days straight if they take 2 of the right dosage... maybe that's why the kids run the show, maybe he is always asleep? If he has this medication... Be sure to take a note of all drugs he takes, perscribed or not... i.e; marijuana, cocaine, anything like that, if you don't have any evidence, the judge will sometimes start an investigation on him... which isn't a bad idea, I know you might not want that, but you may not even have a clue if that man is doing any harder drugs than his bipolar disorder medication...

heidib2007 · Jul 11, 2007, 05:57 AM

I really appreciate your comments

I did try to get full custody of her when she was one. Her dad went to jail for eight months for his second or third felony, steeling a car and drinking and driving. I spent $5,000 on a lawyer. The result was that I got full legal, joint physical. And he get's her every other weekend, and every Mon. overnight till Tues. He did not even have a lawyer. My lawyer told me that MI is one of the hardest states to get full physical custody. I could not believe that he could be in jail for eight months never seeing her, his parents saw her at Christmas that was it, and yet he still has all of those rights. They say that regardless of child support that he is the father and it is in the best interest of the child to have both parents involved.

Also, I don't think that he takes medicine for his bi-polar. He said he took it for about two weeks, but he was sleeping all the time and depressed so he just stopped taking it. I don't think that he really is bi-polar it is just his way of getting out of paying child support, and going to jail again. As he used to be in jail every couple months for non payment of child support for his other daughter which he is almost $20,ooo in arrearages. But I can't us that in my case at all.

He used to have a very bad alcohol and drug problem. And when I say very bad that is a complete understatement. He was one of the worst cases I have ever seen in my life. But he has been sober and drug free for over 2 years now, so again I cannot use that.

As for the distance question... We have two great opportunities. My mom who is 64 has a 110 acre farm in MN. My dad just recently passed away in March and she cannot keep the place up by herself. My younger brother mooved out there for the time being to help her, but does not want to stay there. We could move there and he has a couple job offers making double what he is making now. Then we could help my Mom and eventually move into the farm house and buy at a low cost her farm. She wants to keep it in the family, being my Dad built everything from the ground up himself. No other family member can move there as almost all of my brothers, and brother in laws own their own businesses in the states in which they reside.

Also, my brother in law own a business in CA, he lives her in MI due to health problems with his son. He needs to hire a manager and eventually part owner. There we would be making about 5 times the amount of what we are here. THe best thing is that in either situation I would be able to quit working and be a stay at home mom. I would think that would be in the best interest of my daughter.

rwalters0923 · Jul 11, 2007, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by heidib2007

I would like to move my daughter out of state. Her father and his family are not the best influence for her life. Her father and I were never married. I am getting married in one month and my fiance has two great job opportunities out of state. Any suggestions, advice, or anyone have experience in a simular situation?

When I had my son, I was not married but we did get married later. Then went through a divorce. At the hearing, my attorney told me that I didn't even have to give him visitation rights because we were not married when my son was born.

s_cianci · Jul 15, 2007, 10:22 AM

Assuming that you are the custodial parent, you can move wherever you want as long as the father doesn't object. If he does, then things could get complicated. Does he currently have visitation? If not, he can petition the court for an order of visitation which he may do if he learns of your plans to move out of state. If he does have visitation presently, he'll no doubt want to keep it, in which case he's likely to petition the court for a modification of the visitation order, in which case such modification would most likely be granted. Furthermore, you'll be held responsible for transportation and the costs associated with it since you are the one relocating.