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Tyronne Hubbard · Oct 11, 2007, 04:46 AM

My ex-wife wants her husband who is the stepfather to my 7yr old son,to adopt him so he can financially support him if she should pass away.They are very well off and they would like to give him the very best schooling etc... They have a 1yr old son of there own.I have access to my son whenever I want and we all have a great understanding.My son has been living with his stepdad for 3yrs plus.I am in a position to take my son in the event of his mother passing but he wouldn't have anything of the things that he is use to except unboundless love.If I let him legally adopt my son I feel that I am giving up my son and one day he will look upon me as a weak father.The other reason is that they don't want to split up the two brothers if something should happen to the mom.I love my son dearly and would not hesitate at a chance to have him with me 24/7.What is the right thing to do?

shygrneyzs · Oct 11, 2007, 05:03 AM

If you feel this strongly, then no, do not allow your son to be adopted. If your ex wife wants her husband to adopt for the future planning when she dies - your son's future can be provided for in a will. I can understand the part of not wanting to "break up" two brothers, in the event of your ex's death. But I have to ask, is your ex dying? Or is this just planning for the time when she does?

Tyronne Hubbard · Oct 11, 2007, 05:49 AM

No she is not dying (as far as I know ).I guess she just wants the best for Adam(son).She is worried about the two boys being split up but what about all the time I have spent split from my son and him from me.Seeing him every 2nd weekend has robbed me of so much growing up time.. . If just say something did happen and Adam was not adopted by the step-dad ,then am I by rights,able to take care of Adam?

ScottGem · Oct 11, 2007, 06:17 AM

My reaction is to not give up your rights. You can't be forced to.

Its nice that your wife wants the brothers to stay together, but that shouldn't be at your expense. You can assue her that you will continue to let them have a relationship, but he's your son and you will care for him if something happens to her.

Tyronne Hubbard · Oct 11, 2007, 06:38 AM

Thank you all,yes it has helped!I won't give up my right as the father!

macksmom · Oct 11, 2007, 08:46 AM

Good call! Don't give up your rights... when you do that you have NO legal claim to your son anymore... she can stop you seeing him (even if right now she is telling you that won't happen).

In the event of her death, you... as the bio father will gain custody of your child.

You stand firm... she can't force you to sign away your rights.
If you say "no"... she can't do anything.

N0help4u · Oct 11, 2007, 09:33 AM

Don't give up your rights.
If she were to die I don't see why you and the step dad couldn't work out some legal agreement together at that time regarding your son since you two get along. I think she is just using the 'what if I die' excuse to make you feel like it is something urgent or something.

Angel_Wings · Oct 11, 2007, 07:12 PM

You already know the answer to your question..

It's quite possible, should you give up your rights, that your ex and the stepdad have a change of heart and decide to exclude you from your sons life and you would not be able to do anything about it.

OH and stepdad can provide for the child even if he does not adopt him.

Trust your heart...
... use your head!

EDIT: should your ex pass on (may she live a long and healthy life)
You of course could choose to let your son continue to live with the stepdad, and give him guardianship.

Tis a lot to think about I know.
Take all the time YOU need to make the best decision.