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Rawr1989270 · Apr 17, 2012, 12:49 PM

My daughter is two, and calls my boyfriend dada, we have plans to get married. He asked about adopting her recently. He works, makes good money, pays the bills, about me a new car, I'm currently pregnant with his child. We live in Kentucky. I however do not know who her biological father is. I know the bio has to sign his rights over, but what if I don't know who that is? What steps do I need to take in letting my boyfriend adopt my child? Do I need to be married first in the date of Kentucky?

cdad · Apr 17, 2012, 04:12 PM

Yes you should be married first before you begin an adoption. It is also recommended your married for at least 1 years time. As far as the father of the child goes. You must have some idea of who it is. That is where your focus will be when trying to locate the father. Do you really have no idea at all ?

ScottGem · Apr 17, 2012, 04:31 PM

Yes, KY law requires a legal marriage for a partner adoption.

Why don't you know who the father is? Were you raped or are they multiple possible fathers (this is not a slur against you, but the reason for the father being unknown will dictate our answer).

Fr_Chuck · Apr 17, 2012, 04:37 PM

The court will want to know why you don't know, if it could be one of two or three men, they may require DNA tests to determine who the father is.

AK lawyer · Apr 17, 2012, 04:43 PM

Your boyfriend, after he becomes your husband, really needs to retain an attorney to do this right. It is possible that the attorney can persuade the court (judge) to allow the biological father to be served notice of adoption by publication.

Or, it may be that in Kentucky the biological father in certain circumstances need not be given notice. See this statute.

Rawr1989270 · Apr 17, 2012, 06:14 PM

I've only had one man DNA tested and solely thought he was the father. He is not. I was not raped, I was going through a horrible party stage and had multiple partners, it could be two other men. I do regret this but I do not regret my daughter. She has special needs and my boyfriend wants her to have better insurance and have that legal bond. I've lost contact with the two other men, I have no clue where they are. I've changed a lot. I do not do drugs, I take care of my child and the many hospitals we stay in. I am currently pregnant with my boyfriends child. I have only slept with him after the birth of my first child. Please do not judge me, who I was in the past does not hold a candle to who I am now. I just need advice on what to do.

cdad · Apr 17, 2012, 06:22 PM

It is not about judging you it is about judging the situation your in from a legal standpoint. Since every situation presents its own unique challenges we sometimes have to dig a little to get to the best advice.

Part of the problem is that the courts may ask you to seek out the father of the child. The problem is that it may create a double edged sword for you as the father doesn't know he is the father at this point. He after being found may not want to give up his child to adoption and instead seek to establish a relationship with the child. That is why courts ask for fathers to be sought out.

I wouldn't attempt anything like this without a lawyer at your side to take you through it. There are too many pitfalls given your situation where it could create a loophole for someone to jump through.

For now. Get married and after that start on the adoption.

Rawr1989270 · Apr 17, 2012, 06:48 PM

Thanks for being so professional. I'm sure they wouldn't want nothing to with her because of me. But maybe the bio would. Would be wrong for me to deny him. But it would break my boyfriends heart if another man was involved... This is a hard situation. Especially since one potential father is a drug abuser and in & out of jail. I couldn't let my daughter go there... Especially since he can't take care if her special needs much less himself. Curious, how would the judge reAct to someone who have so many multiple partners it was nearly impossible to pin one? Paternity tests are not cheap.

ScottGem · Apr 17, 2012, 07:50 PM

As I said, I wasn't trying to judge you or put you down. But we need to know the situation. Before a court will approve an adoption they will want to make sure the father agrees to it. A father has rights too. The court will require that you identify the possible fathers and that you make a good faith attempt to contact them so a paternity test can be performed.

Now its possible the court will terminate the rights of a drug abuser to protect the child. So given your situation you really need to consult an attorney. I would consult one privately at first, then go with your boyfriend.

AK lawyer · Apr 17, 2012, 07:51 PM

QUOTE=Rawr1989270;3087956]... I've changed a lot.. . [/QUOTE]

Originally Posted by Rawr1989270

... This is a hard situation. Especially since one potential father is a drug abuser and in & out of jail. ...

If you have changed a lot, and you have lost contact with the men who may be the biological father, how can you say that he hasn't changed too?

But I believe we have answered your questions. If your present boyfriend is serious enough about you and your child, he will marry you. Then you can think about a step-parent adoption.

Rawr1989270 · Apr 17, 2012, 08:06 PM

I had the child, that's why I changed. He probably still has no responsibilities and thinks life is still a party. But main he has. However I highly doubt it. Rehab 3x? I'm sure 4th or 5th won't make a difference. So what if I don't ever bring nothing up, not even about adoption, will she still be just mine and his forever, minus him having any legal rights over her? If I don't push neither will the court right? Cause I'm pretty content not having the potential father be involved. She can call my fiancÃ© DADDY for as long as she lives. Even though he is not on her birth certificate.

AK lawyer · Apr 17, 2012, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by Rawr1989270

... If I don't push neither will the court right? ...

Right.

But, as I said earlier, if and when your current BF decides to marry you, he probably can adopt your child relatively easily.

ScottGem · Apr 18, 2012, 02:52 AM

Two issues. One, if something were to happen to you, your boyfriend, or future husband might not be able to continue to care for your child. If the bio father or his family ever get wind of the possibility, they could claim custody.Two, your daughter's legal name will remain what it is.

I would suggest you consult an attorney. The attorney can give you a better idea, probably in a free consultation, what you are looking at. You might want to do some research into the potential fathers whereabouts and current status.

cdad · Apr 18, 2012, 04:17 AM

Originally Posted by Rawr1989270

I had the child, that's why I changed. He probably still has no responsibilities and thinks life is still a party. But main he has. However I highly doubt it. Rehab 3x? I'm sure 4th or 5th won't make a difference. So what if I don't ever bring nothing up, not even about adoption, will she still be just mine and his forever, minus him having any legal rights over her? If I don't push neither will the court right? Cause I'm pretty content not having the potential father be involved. She can call my fiancÃ© DADDY for as long as she lives. Even though he is not on her birth certificate.

If it only were that simple. But the truth is things change. Lets say one of you wins a trip? That isn't out of the norm. But it's a fully paid and out of the country. So when you go to get a passport for your child they will ask about the father. When you try to leave the country they will ask you. You may be prevented from both because of no legal father of the child.

Also hiding the child from the potential father is considered a form of abuse. It can be a cause for a custody change. The courts frown on it. Really to live in true content with your chosen one you need to do things correctly so you don't have to sweat it.

ScottGem · Apr 18, 2012, 04:46 AM

CalifDad, makes a good point that I forgot. You may have trouble getting a passport for your daughter without a legal father.

I very much understand your desire to not have to deal with this, but the odds are that the bio father will not want to deal with your daughter, especially if you go after him for child support. The odds are good that your husband, after you marry, will be able to adopt. But you won't know what the real odds are without consulting a local attorney. You also won't know what liabilities and dangers you might be facing by hiding the child.

AK lawyer · Apr 18, 2012, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

CalifDad, makes a good point that I forgot. ...

There are a number of reasons a step-parent adoption (after marriage, of curse) might be a good move:

getting a passport for the child (as Califdadof3 said)
reducing the potential shame the child may otherwise someday experience associated with illegitimacy
making sure your partner has the right to custody in case you die (as ScottGem said)
inheritance. The child would not inherit from your BF unless he provides for the child in a will
other reasons which don't come to mind at present.

Rawr1989270 · Apr 18, 2012, 11:32 AM

I know it's somewhat selfish of me. But I honestly feel that my fiancÃ© is better suited to care for her. She has numerous medical problems, given it's a chromosome abnormality they wanted to know the genetics of the father. But now seems irrelevant considering I'm pregnant with another chomonosomal enhanced child. Truth is, when she gets older there's a great chance she will not understand that the man she's been calling daddy is her her father. What if there is no man on her birth certificate ? Can he just go sign it?

ScottGem · Apr 18, 2012, 11:35 AM

No its not selfish and you may be right that your fiancé would be a better father. But its not about that, its about the law.

No, can't just go sign it. A birth certificate is a legal document. It would take a court order with a DNA test proving he's the father to get him on her birth certificate.

Your best bet is consulting an attorney to advise you of the odds of getting the adoption through.

Rawr1989270 · Apr 18, 2012, 12:16 PM

I reached out locally for answers, this woman went to her town health department and they got her boyfriend, they were not married, to be put on the birth certificate. He did not do a DNA test. Was asked in court of he wanted one and he stated that he is the child's father. So they let him sign an acknowledgment of paternity form. I don't know how old the child was.

cdad · Apr 18, 2012, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Rawr1989270

I reached out locally for answers, this woman went to her town health department and they got her boyfriend, they were not married, to be put on the birth certificate. He did not do a DNA test. Was asked in court of he wanted one and he stated that he is the child's father. So they let him sign an acknowledgment of paternity form. I don't know how old the child was.

And what they did was illegal and can be overturned by the real bio father at anytime. Fraud doesn't have an expiration date.