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girl97477 · Oct 26, 2007, 11:21 PM

When we had our son I was young and didn't know the father as well so I had put him on the birthcertifcate and gave our son his last name. How ever when he got involved with drugs he used my son against me and would take off with him for days threatening he wouldn't bring him back. Now pregnant with our daughter ( I know how stupid am I) I am scared to puthim on the birth certifacate. My question is... if I don't put him on the birth certifacate he doesn't have any rights? What if I don't put him on the birth certifacate but still give her his last name will that count against me?

Also... I am not with the father anymore and as for him being on drugs he has been on and off for the past few years. So yes drugs are still part of his life.

famlee · Oct 26, 2007, 11:34 PM

Are you married to him?

What state do you live in?

I'd suggest filing for custody so that you can keep him from taking your son and threatening not to bring him back.

Well, it may not keep him from doing it, but you would have court papers saying you have custody to work on your side. It would keep him from "legally" doing it.

cjonline · Oct 27, 2007, 11:43 AM

Just because you choose not to give your baby its father's last name and put his name on the birth certificate doesn't mean that he doesn't have rights. He does. He will have to take an extra step and have tests done, but he will still get visitation and most likely joint custody.

If you have proof of his drug use, if he was charged in court and has a record, maybe something can be done to keep him away. I would go to a local attorney, several of them, and ask what they think you need to do to get him as little visitations as possible or maybe supervised visitation with your children. Whatever you do you will have to go to court for the visitation, custody, and support for both your children. That will stop the threats and him taking off with your kids.

macksmom · Oct 27, 2007, 01:51 PM

Well one thing you could do is not tell the father when you go into labor, unless you want him to be there. That would stop any possible fight about what last name to give the child. You can give the child you last name if you choose too... but that doesn't change the fact that he is the father and has rights. Also, if you choose not to have the father at the hospital, you could sign the birth certificate and leave the father off and file it. This too... really only buys time... he, as the father could easily go to court, prove paternity and be put on the birth certificate.

I would however, go to your local child support office and get all the paperwork you need... while you can't file until the baby is actually born, you can fill out all the informationa and have it ready to file as soon as the baby is born.

Do you have have visitation order set through the courts regarding your first child? If so, you need to call upon them and inform them of what he is doing with your child. If you don't have one... you need to get one asap. This will have everything such as specified days, drop off and pick up times etc. And just be prepared to go to court for the new baby too.

Bottomline, regardless of what you do... he is the father and is entitled to his rights as such.

s_cianci · Oct 27, 2007, 01:57 PM

He doesn't have nay rights unless he's proven to be the father. And you can't put his name on the birth certificate until he's proven to be the father. This most commonly happens either by being married to the mother at the time of birth, a DNA test or him signing an acknowledgement of paternity. Otherwise he has no rights and no obligations as he is not the legal father. You have the option of claiming the father "unknown." However, if you were to ever apply for public assistance you'll be required to name a father and pursue legal action against him for child support.

macksmom · Oct 27, 2007, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

He doesn't have nay rights unless he's proven to be the father. And you can't put his name on the birth certificate until he's proven to be the father. This most commonly happens either by being married to the mother at the time of birth, a DNA test or him signing an acknowledgement of paternity. Otherwise he has no rights and no obligations as he is not the legal father. You have the option of claiming the father "unknown." However, if you were to ever apply for public assistance you'll be required to name a father and pursue legal action against him for child support.

Yup... and most of that is done at the hospital. My daughters father and I were not married, and while at the hospital the nurses kept bringing him in papers to sign (acknowledging paternity) and all of it was done in the hospital... that is why I said not having him at the hospital and available for all those things will buy time... but in the end, he's the father and can easily go to court and prove paternity.

MichelleLeigh · Oct 27, 2007, 02:30 PM

Just wanted to add that when I went to the hospital for the birth of my first child, I went alone. I believed the father to be a man who later turned out not to be the father. He later came to the hospital and signed something but not the paternity paper. Her last name is still his, but since he never acknowledged paternity we had to have a DNA test. I still haven't been able to change her name - my advice to you is to do what s_cianci said and claim the father unknown. I guess your question was if you don't put his name does he still have rights - my answer is that (having experience with drug-abusers) the harder you make it for them, the less likely they are to try to control things. If he has to go through all the trouble of the DNA test and all that, maybe he move on to something else until he is fit to be in the child's life.

girl97477 · Oct 27, 2007, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by macksmom

Yup...and most of that is done at the hospital. My daughters father and I were not married, and while at the hospital the nurses kept bringing him in papers to sign (acknowledging paternity) and all of it was done in the hospital....that is why I said not having him at the hospital and available for all those things will buy time....but in the end, he's the father and can easily go to court and prove paternity.

I think he wants to be their when she's born. But that's what I'm scared of too is the nurses bringing in papers when his there, I'm going to talk to my doctor about bringing me papers when I'm alone.

wackymb · Oct 28, 2007, 12:31 AM

If he did that with your son why would you go and have another baby with him? I wouldn't. Are you still on drugs? If so, you couldn't use it against him cause he could do the same for you. If the baby doesn't have his last name it could be hard to get child support from him. He could always say it's not his. Anyway, best of luck to you. I've never been in that situation.