This could be long, so I apologize in advance.

I need to know what kinds of rights and other things I have to stand on. What kinds of costs am I looking at (ballpark figure) for the future? What things do I need to keep in mind now, and when pursuing things in the future? What other kinds of questions do I need to ask when I do get a chance to speak with a lawyer? What actions can I take now, if any? What are things I need to think about for the opposing side?

I have a daughter who will be 3 in February. Her bio father has not seen her in almost a year. From finding out I was pregnant, he wasn't there. He saw her a handful of times the first year and a half of her life. Then he moved to FL about a year ago. She has never really known him. You show her pictures of him and she tells you it's a boy. The only daddy she has ever known is my fiance.

Her bio father has never called to even ask about her. He is not on the birth certificate. She has my last name. He does pay child support-but it doesn't pay for even 1/4 of her care. My fiance has taken full responsibility for her in EVERY aspect-emotional, financial, you name it. She is his little girl. We are getting married in less than 2 years and he want to legally make her his, as do I. This is where all my questions come in.

I know the biggest reason the bio father is going to fight me is b/c of his mom. As far as I know, neither one of them has the money to fight with in court. She is the one behind him telling him don't do this, don't do that. The last thing I want to do is go to court. He (bio father) now has another child with someone else in another state. This all started in IL, he moved to FL, my fiance and I moved to MO, and bio father's mom still resides in IL. I also recently learned that she is *thinking* of pursuing grandparent laws. What all does this mean? What kinds of grandparent laws does she have? (she being in IL, us being in MO)

We (fiance and I) want to change daughter's last name to fiances (mine will change when we marry). We want him to legally adopt her and get bio father and family out of the picture-they are no good for daughter.

I hope that was all as clear as mud Please help me to gain some insight to my questions. Feel free to ask anything that you need more info on. I do plan to consult a lawyer eventually (sooner than later hopefully) but fiance and I are both full time students and work so we don't have a lot of extra time on our hands.

stinawords

That may be all he want's and saddly it might be what he gets. For the simple fact that he is her legal father and has to pay support. For your sake I hope he is willing to sign away his rights to allow the adoption because if he can prove that he does pay even if he dosen't want to visit then I don't know of a judge that would terminate his rights with out him wanting it. So, even if the adoption never goes through your child will know who was there taking care of her through everything she goes through and who shares in her joys as well. Just out of curiosity you keep saying at an age that she will understand... at what age do you think that will be? I have a daughter in kindergarden she's six and just from being around all the different kids that come from all kinds of different families (a lot of them with step-parents) she asked who her step mom was I smiled and told her I'm the only mom she has and I hope that is enough for her because her parents are married. Saddly that is the minority of the cases anymore. So you see, sooner than you will expect, she will be able to start to understand and if you are so open to the idea like you say you are you will tell her sooner rather than latter because if you continue the "daddy" thing after she starts school you will have to lie to her when she asks the same question my daughter did.

me22487

When I say at an age she will understand, it all depends on her. When she comes to me with that first initial question (of ANYTHING relating to the situation) that's when I know she is old enough to begin understanding. I don't know when she will be ready or old enough to start understanding, that is all up to her. I imagine she will be able to start understanding around the age of 4 or so. I imagine it will be something like what your daughter asked you. It will always be told to her in an age appropriate manner. If she is 6 then she will get a 6 year old version. When she's 15 she'll get a 15 year old version. There are just some things you don't tell a 6 year old that you can tell a 15 year old. When I feel she is old and mature enough, she will get everything I have saved up in the closet that pertains to her biological father (pictures, some notes, documents, etc) and those things will be hers to do with what she pleases.

I know that hiding things, regardless how small or minute I think they may be, would be absolutely the wrong thing to do and would backfire in every way. She will always know the truth, I will never hide anything from her.