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    kbhelp's Avatar
    kbhelp Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Jan 23, 2006, 12:31 PM
    Psycho pregnant ex-girlfriend
    My son (22) started dating an 18-yr-old about 18 months ago. I asked him what they were doing for birth control and she had told him that she had had "an operation to have everything taken out" and couldn't get pregnant. I told him no doctor would agree to that for a girl so young. During their relationship she seemed very possessive, and friends now state that all she talked about was how she couldn't wait to get married. I mentioned to her that we were waiting for him to join the Coast Guard after he took his GED.

    This past September my son got the news that she had stomach cancer. I was terribly upset. Even though I don't like the girl, I knew her prognosis was not good. (I am a cancer patient myself and she knew this.) A week later when I saw her, she told me it wasn't stomach cancer, it was actually lung cancer. She described in detail her visit to the doctor, the x-rays, the lung biopsy, her family history of the disease. I called once a week after that to check on her, to see if she had gotten an oncologist, to find out exactly what kind of cancer we were dealing with. Her reply was that she was waiting for the insurance company, there was a glitch in the paperwork or something. After many weeks of doctor's visits that didn't materialize, my son and I got suspicious. He said she would get defensive and tell him it was none of his business every time he asked about it. She and he had even moved in with her parents under the understanding that they could take care of her through chemotherapy.

    After things not adding up for some time, I convinced him to move out of her parents house. (He never did discuss it with them, I can't tell you why, lack of nerve maybe).

    In December, my son calls and tells me she told him she doesn't have lung cancer, but that she is pregnant. (She is due in 2 weeks). I realize now that she waited until it was much too late to do anything before she told him.
    I called her parents to find out their stance on this, and they wanted to hear nothing I had to say! They don't care what she told whom or when, they told me to bring a lawsuit if I wanted to. They are allowing her to keep the baby and go on welfare at their home. Then they called me a crazy person and hung up.

    I am devastated by the whole turn of events. That we had been so thoroughly deceived by an 18-yr-old girl. And that her parents don't care. And that now I will have a baby granddaughter (my first grandchild) being brought up by a family of lunatics! I truly think she purposely set him up, she's so obsessed with him and didn't want him to leave her for the Coast Guard. He stayed with her longer than he wanted to because he thought she had lung cancer.

    My son has witnesses who also heard this girl say that she couldn't get pregnant, and he has a release form signed and dated by her that she told him a lawyer said that he had to sign that stated that he understood the effects of chemotherapy on his unborn child.

    We are emotionally wrecked by this whole thing. The stress is really starting to get to me. I feel like all we can hope for is that the girl ends up on drugs (not an impossibility) and that my son will get custody. Right now he says he wants nothing to do with her or the baby, and I can't say I blame him. I hope I never have to see her face again.

    Do we have any legal recourse for the emotional stress she had put us through? Is there anything we can do to save that poor baby? The girl obviously needs psychological help, yet she has her parents as snowed as we were. If we were to sue her, what exactly would we sue her for?

    Thanks for any ray of hope you can offer us.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
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    #2

    Jan 23, 2006, 01:00 PM
    Honestly, it's not worth it. Just leave it alone. The girl is a manipulative bicth. They come in all ages, even 18 years old!

    If your son wants nothing to do with her or the baby, then just walk away from all this and wash your hands clean.

    But if your son does wish to fight for custody of this child, then by all means he should.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Jan 23, 2006, 01:42 PM
    Paternity test
    Get a test to be sure it is his baby, if she really is pregnant, this also could be a lie too.

    And honestly, don't get near that girl ever, if you and your son want and get visitation, get it though a third party of visitation center so you don't even have to see her to pick the child up.

    Been there, done that and suffered for it, from some of my boys ex girl friends.
    Sosdog's Avatar
    Sosdog Posts: 39, Reputation: 4
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    #4

    Jan 23, 2006, 05:01 PM
    And he has a release form signed and dated by her that she told him a lawyer said that he had to sign that stated that he understood the effects of chemotherapy on his unborn child.


    This is the part that bothers me. If he thought she had cancer, why would he sign something that had to do with 'his unborn baby?'

    I might be missing something in your post, but as far as I can see, if the girl is disturbed enough to carry things as far as she did, your son would have legal a legal right for unsuitability.

    If he so desired.

    Sosdog
    giggles's Avatar
    giggles Posts: 143, Reputation: 27
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    #5

    Jan 24, 2006, 01:34 PM
    You poor things! My heart goes out to your family. It's a horrible position to be in.
    I would try to establish as the first port of call:
    Is this girl really pregnant?
    Then as Fr Chuck mentions, if there really is a child, I would insist your son takes a paternity test.
    From there on, it's really up to your son - whether he takes on board the responsibility of these consequences. As crazy and dangerous as this woman sounds, if she has had your son's child, it still is his baby too. And he might end up regretting his naivety, but there is a lesson in that for him as well.
    If he doesn't think carefully about his choices now, he could end up making more regrettable decisions for the future. You mention "she had told him that she had had "an operation to have everything taken out" ". It sounds as if this poor fellow is seriously paying for taking her at face value! I hope your son does not think that most 18 year olds have hysterectomies/are sterilised?
    I agree with Fr Chuck that you should never deal with this woman directly. She sounds very unstable, unpredictable, and her family don't sound like too healthy a bunch either. If you need to organise anything regarding this child, I would safely traipse down the legal route. It really is a horrible situation. If you really think your son is in danger from this woman, he might want to consider a restraining order. After all, she has put your family under considerable and unnecessary strain - compounding with the fact that she played you all for fools pretending to be suffering from a similar illness to yourself. This is unforgivable behaviour. It is dangerous, and displays the length this woman will go to for attention. If she really does have a grandchild belonging to you, are you happy to leave a baby in this environment?
    And I sincerely hope this hasn't put your son off finding someone he can trust again.
    Best of luck.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #6

    Jan 24, 2006, 01:48 PM
    Hi, kbhelp,
    You have received some excellent answers so far.
    I would only like to add that if your Son is really interested in the baby, then you can order a DNA testing done.
    If that proves positive, and your Son is really the father, then you need a lawyer experienced in child custody cases. However, that does not guarantee you will win. A lawyer can give you the chances.
    I do wish you the best.
    NYC_10019's Avatar
    NYC_10019 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 18, 2007, 09:27 AM
    Actually, you and your son have no case for emotional distress. In order to tack on emotional distress in any tort case one must have another tort; such as, wrongful death, negligence or an intentional tort.

    You do not have it. You were misled by an 18 year old. You son was misled, which is awful. However, any judge if you bring this to trial and believe me you can bring anything to trial will say there is simply no basis for your claim of emotional distress. People lie all the time and the basis of her lies are so implausible that you should have known and more importantly your son should have known.

    Additionally, your son might not have to pay child support if you have actual documentation and witness that said that she repeatedly told him she could not get pregnant. However, in most states that is extremely unlikely. Your son skirting his duties as a father will be looked down on by every court. Yes, she is the one that did this, but he was living with her and her condition should have been obvious.

    Simply because you do not like the girl does not negate your sons responsibilities or negate that he is equally responsible for the child he produced.

    Finally, you as a mother should not let your son skirt his reponsibilies to the child. If you let him get off now it will be worse for him in the future. He will feel as if he can get out of life altering situtations, which this one is.

    Help him make the right choice and support the child and be civil with the mother. For better or worse they will have a relationship for the better part of their lives.

    If she turns out to be a bad mother then you and your son must work together to attain your granddaughter's custody.
    kim_lambert1206's Avatar
    kim_lambert1206 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 20, 2007, 03:05 PM
    You have received a lot of very good answers in which I agree with all of them and I too feel for you and your son and I feel deeply for the child if there really is a child but I would have to say no matter what she said as to whether she "wasnt able to get pregnant" he should have worn a condom to protect himself. Condoms are not just to prevent pregnancy but STDs and should be worn until both parties have under gone testing/and or married. But it both parties choice to wear or not to wear one and so I would suggest that if at any way possible take her to court and try to get custody of the child. Best of luck to you and your son...
    kbhelp's Avatar
    kbhelp Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Nov 21, 2007, 07:22 AM
    Would you believe the child (a beautiful and SMART little girl) is now 21 months old? I've only met her twice and I am falling in love with her.
    My son sees her every weekend and pays the mother $50 a week. She has not pressed him for child support, and for now, I don't think she will.
    She called me crying a few months ago saying that she now goes to church and to earn forgiveness she has to apologize to those she has wronged. And she did. I have to admit though, that her words meant nothing to me, I'll never forgive her for what she did to all of us.
    But for now, there is a beautiful little girl, her mother seems to be doing something right in raising her, and I'm happy that my son loves the child as much as he does. He has not gotten a paternity test yet, but is now talking about doing it, as my mother wants to add her to the genealogy chart if need be. My mother and I are still holding back our feelings for her, not knowing if she belongs to us or not.
    I think my son would be devastated if the test was negative.
    I'll post the results later...
    Thank you for all your responses, it was a particularly tough time for me. Things seemed to have worked out for now, as they usually do.
    sdc719's Avatar
    sdc719 Posts: 29, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Nov 21, 2007, 07:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kbhelp
    Would you believe the child (a beautiful and SMART little girl) is now 21 months old? I've only met her twice and I am falling in love with her.
    My son sees her every weekend and pays the mother $50 a week. She has not pressed him for child support, and for now, I don't think she will.
    She called me crying a few months ago saying that she now goes to church and to earn forgiveness she has to apologize to those she has wronged. And she did. I have to admit though, that her words meant nothing to me, I'll never forgive her for what she did to all of us.
    But for now, there is a beautiful little girl, her mother seems to be doing something right in raising her, and I'm happy that my son loves the child as much as he does. He has not gotten a paternity test yet, but is now talking about doing it, as my mother wants to add her to the geneology chart if need be. My mother and I are still holding back our feelings for her, not knowing if she belongs to us or not.
    I think my son would be devastated if the test was negative.
    I'll post the results later....
    Thank you for all your responses, it was a particularly tough time for me. Things seemed to have worked out for now, as they usually do.




    Good luck with the paternity test, but since the girl is a manipulative you know what I would still be cautious and I advise your son to keep records of the support he is giving the mother just in case she files for child support later and claims for back child support. Without proof of payments or gifts he is buying the child the child support will be in arrears and he will be oredered to pay it or wind up in jail. Also once paternity is established and the child is deamed his be sure he and that girl organized some type of visitation in a court order so if she tries any funny business in the future she cannot deny his right to visit his child. And this is from experience... a visitation order and proof of child support can save you from lots of stress later.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Nov 21, 2007, 08:39 PM
    With him giving her money not through the court it might be a good idea that he keeps some kind of records of what he gives her in case she does go for child support and tries to claim he hasn't been giving her a dime.
    I think that if she is sooo apologetic she should be to the point that she should agree to your seeing the baby more.

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