Hello everyone!
Fourteen years ago I had a brief affair with a married woman. I newly discovered that I am the father of her the only son who was born thirteen years ago/ don't ask me how/. She is still married to her husband.He was mislead to think that he was the father and he is listed as my son's father in his birth certificate.I am thankful to him for all his care . Now I want to be my son's legal father,to change his last name to mine and to have custody rights.Also I am willing to pay back child support.
I tried to talk to them but the husband said he was distressed about the news, and he would feel humiliated himself if he had to explain all to his relatives and friends.He doesn't want to cooperate.He doesn't want to understand that he is a step father only and he can get about $ 80,000 as back child support.
I need your advice where to start my action.I am in Tennessee.
Thank you!

Synnen

Actually, after 13 years, you may not HAVE any rights.

You need to consult a lawyer.

You are also unlikely to get custody. If you DO get anything, it may be just visitation. The child doesn't know you from Adam--how would it be in the child's best interest for you to come storming into his life claiming that you're his father?

My opinion on this (and it's not a legal opinion, just an opinion) is that you should sign away your parental rights (if you indeed have any) and walk away. You have NOTHING invested in this kid--to demand to be a part of his life is the utmost in selfishness.

As long as you don't have to pay child support, why go butting in? Why do you feel this NEED to have to parent a kid that already has a dad?

I think that all three adults in this situation should come to an agreement as to what is best for the CHILD, not what is best for the adults, or what the adults WANT.

stinawords

Your first step is to contact a family lawyer. I'm not sure if your state has a statute of limitations but many do. And you have long passed it in all of the states that I know of. The lawyer will be able to tell you if you have any chance but becaue it has been so long you may not be able to challenge paternaty even though you are willing to pay back support. So that is your first step and they will be able to tell you exactly what steps you need to take after that if you will even have a case.

ScottGem

As pointed out it is likely you are on the outside. Many states have laws that state that if a there is a husand who signs the birth certificate he is the legal father unless a challenge to paternity is made by the bio father. But that challenge has to be made within a reasonable amount of time. And 13 years is not a reasonable amount of time. The fact is that the hisband is most likely NOT a stepfather but the tue and actual legal father.

I don't know if the child has been informed of this yet. If he hasn't, they you should walk away. If you care anything for this child, then do you really want to upset him by turning his life upside down?

As for the back support, try putting yourself in his place. Would you sell your child for $80K?

Fr_Chuck

Well first you can not legally force them to change the childs name no matter what you do.l so the name change is just not going to happen.
Since you were not married, even if she did not have the husband, if she did not allow you to sign the birth certificate she is free to name the child.

Next if you are in the US, it will just depend on what state you live, in some states you will not be allowed to even apply in court for this, since you have waited too long, in others you will be able to file for a DNA test to prove you are the father and then have visits rights an a obligation to pay child support.

JohnJohns

Yes-but I think the best for the child is to have his real father-ME!
No I wouldn't/If it is my child/, but my son is not his.
I am in Tn.

ScottGem

Sorry, but you are NOT his "real" father in any interpretation of the term. You may be his biological father, but his "real" father was the person who changed his diapers, wiped his nose, played catch with him, applauded at his school plays, etc, etc. I understand that, through no fault of your own, you weren't given the opportunity to do these things. But that doesn't change the facts.

That you would even think that the best interess of the the child would be served by turning his life upside down and taking him away from the person he has known as dad for 13 years, shows that you aren't thinking straight. That you are self centered and care more about you than the child. I suspect that you may not have any other children, and see this as your chance to be a father. But that doesn't even begin to consider the child.


Again, he's NOT your son. He may be your biological offspring but he's not your son. He's the son of the person who has raised him for 13 years. You need to get that into your head. Hopefully, when you discuss this with your attorney, that he tells you what we did so you don't screw up this boy's life.

Fr_Chuck

I guess I should have said, the state where the child and mother is,
Since that is most likely the state law you will have to file under.

Assuming she is in TN also, yes you can still file for your rights as a father.

GV70

TFS:
36-2-304. Presumption of parentage. —
(a) A man is rebuttably presumed to be the father of a child if:
(1) The man and the child's mother are married or have been married to each other and the child is born during the marriage or within three hundred (300) days after the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, declaration of invalidity, or divorce;

(2) (A) If the mother was legally married and living with her husband at the time of conception and has remained together with that husband through the date a petition to establish parentage is filed and both the mother and the mother's husband file a sworn answer stating that the husband is the father of the child, any action seeking to establish parentage must be brought within twelve (12) months of the birth of the child. In the event that an action is dismissed based upon the filing of such a sworn answer, the husband and wife who filed such sworn answer shall be estopped to deny paternity in any future action.

36-2-306. Statute of limitations. —
An action to establish the parentage of a child may be instituted before or after the birth of the child and until three (3) years beyond the child's age of majority. The provisions of this chapter shall not affect the relationship of parent and child as established in § 31-2-105.
[Acts 1997, ch. 477, § 1.]


IN THE SUPREME COURT OF TENNESSEE
AT NASHVILLE
March 21, 2006 Session
IN RE: T.K.Y.
The parentage statute includes the following definitions:
(1) “Child born out of wedlock” means a child born to parents who
are not married to each other when the child was born;
“Father” means the biological father of a child born out of
wedlock;

(5) “Parent” means the biological mother or biological father of a
child, regardless of the marital status of the mother and father;
Tenn. Code Ann. § 36-2-302 (2005). Thus, under the definition of “father” in the parentage statute,whomever is the biological father of a child is the child’s father.
Id. § -302(3). Likewise, a “parent”
under the parentage statute is the biological mother or biological father. Id. § -302(5). A biological
parent is only denied the status of “father” or “mother” if his or her parental rights have been terminated. Id. § -302(6)

GV70

According to TN law and Court practice if a child born to a married woman but the husband was not BF , the child 'IS BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK' and he has 15 years to claim his paternity. I am sure he will prevail.