Hello everyone!
Fourteen years ago I had a brief affair with a married woman. I newly discovered that I am the father of her the only son who was born thirteen years ago/ don't ask me how/. She is still married to her husband.He was mislead to think that he was the father and he is listed as my son's father in his birth certificate.I am thankful to him for all his care . Now I want to be my son's legal father,to change his last name to mine and to have custody rights.Also I am willing to pay back child support.
I tried to talk to them but the husband said he was distressed about the news, and he would feel humiliated himself if he had to explain all to his relatives and friends.He doesn't want to cooperate.He doesn't want to understand that he is a step father only and he can get about $ 80,000 as back child support.
I need your advice where to start my action.I am in Tennessee.
Thank you!

JohnJohns

Yes.
They live tn Memphis,TN.

JudyKayTee

I don't know that it has anything to do with the legal situation but how did all of this come to light and what does your partner say? I'd be a little bit unhappy with you if I had been the partner at the time and guessing from the age of your other children that appears to be a possibility.

ScottGem

Too bad. Apparently the law is on your side and will allow you to disrupt and mess with this family. I can only hope the case is assigned to a cxompassionate judge who will understand the upheaval you are causing.

ScottGem

You noticed that too? It would appear that the OP was cheating on his partner with a married woman. Frankly this whole thing smells. To me, it seems we have a very self centered person who wants things his own way and be damned to how adversely it affects anyone else.

JudyKayTee

I'm not getting it, myself - I see this just spinning out of control. And I know it's the law but ...

There's the child who suddenly finds out his mother lied to him for years about his paternity, perhaps he finds fault with the mother for betraying the stepfather; then you've got the stepfather who was lied to by the mother, also for years. Maybe he knew about the affair, maybe he didn't, but it appears he didn't know about the child. Then you've got the stepfather who now realizes that the mother was sleeping with both him and the blood father during the same period of time (which must be the case if he believed he was the father). Then you've got the stepfather's family which may not have known about the affair but sure knows about it now. Then you've got the blood father's children who find out their father had a relationship with a married woman - and I have no idea what his status was.

And for some reason the mother did not want the blood father involved in the child's life. Again - how did this come to light now?

Sad all the way around. I see lives upset and perhaps broken. This is why justice wears a blindfold.


Perhaps this has turned into a moral issue but I see it as a legal issue which is going to adversely affect a lot of people.

And then you've got the blood father and whatever his relationship was to his partner at the time.

ScottGem

Judy, I totally agree with you. The main thing w don't know here is who knows what. We know that the bio mother and her husband know. We know that bio father and his other offspring know. But we don't know who else knows. We don't know if the 13 yr old knows, we don't know if anyone outside the 5 people I listed know.

But what we have is several families that may be ripped apart because of the OP not caring who he hurts.

oneluv4you

A parent in my opinion is the one who takes care of the child and is there when the child needs him/her during the early years. If for any reason during the 13years you had tried to talk witht he mother in getting the child, then it is a different story..... besides, do not try to distabilize a functioning family with your selfishness and inconsiderateness. You were just probably a fling anyway, and who even told you the child is yours???? The woman must have been crazy to even disclose that, if she wanted to keep her family! Please do not get the child tangled into this mess. Keep on going and look for a wife withwhom to have a family. MOVE ON!

MysteriousGrl

WOW!! How lucky i am to fumble upon this. I was this son, only i was 16. I say you need to be in your son's life. Until you have been in this situation no one else will understand. I loved the man i thought was my dad and he was there for me through everything.. he still is...only now i have 2 fathers... it's just like being adopted you love your family that adopted you but theres always that bond with your biological parents. You should take it VERY SLOW and not push too much. Just ask to spend a day with your son and do things he enjoys. The step-father who has raised him will soon begin to come around and see that your son wants you in his life. I know im so glad my biological father wanted to have a relationship with me. The most important thing is to not rush it, let your son have time to process all this as 13 is a delicate age. Trust me if you offer to be there for him and give him time...he will come around...I think it's very important to know your biological parents because alot of your feelings or health issues can result from them and they could know exactly what your going through. Just give it TIME

JudyKayTee

Okay- someone who knows. How did you feel when you found out your Mom had had an affair and had lied to you and your stepfather for years, your father had lied to his partner? Did you resent that your mother lied to your stepfather? Did it change your opinion of her and ultimately of yourself?

I agree - a child can never have too many people who love him. Other than that ... well, I question what any of this does to a family or how this "fact" has suddenly become public.

Those are my concerns.

MysteriousGrl

My mom really did not lie to my step-father because she was not in a seriously relationship with eithe man when she became preg. My stepfather who i still call dad was man enough to know she needed help and he loved her so he married her and was my dad for 16 years no questions asked if i was his