I am having major custody issues with my ex-husband over our eight-year old little girl. We were married in 1996 and he adopted my then four-year old daughter. After one year of marriage I found out we were going to have a baby. Shortly after my first term, I started finding little white pills everywhere, he started coming home at 5am, etc. One thing led to the next... car accidents, MIA, and finally rehab. He begged me to stay, said he would change... My mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer- (from bad to worse)
He came out of rehab and it started again- the cycle was not going to end. He was emotionally abusive, typical alcoholic behavior that I was too young and dumb to see. (I always think I can make anything work). As my esteem grew, I realized things needed to change- When our daughter was two weeks old I asked him to leave. My mother was about to die, my six-year old needed a positive environment (vs. yelling, fighting, crying, etc.) and my new-born baby needed my attention. The moment I asked him to leave, he totally stopped ALL contact with my six-year old (who was now calling him daddy). After the death of my mother, my divorce, two kids, I decided to go back to school and wanted to move to Philadelphia. Our original custody order (included with divorce) gave him visitation (with both kids) every other weekend and Wednesday overnights. We chose to go into mediation because neither of us could afford anymore attorney fees. He did not want me to move, but I knew I needed to give my kids a better life. In mediation, although he was NOT happy with it, we agreed that we would continue visits every other weekend (with OUR daughter, he had TOTALLY abandoned my oldest) and we would meet in the middle (allentown) and instead of Wednesday visits, we would have extensive vacation visits, summers excluding two weeks for me. this was very difficult because she was so young. Our environments are POLAR opposite. Mine: structure, healthy food, nurturing although at times I have worked three jobs due to lack of child support (another topic) clean, smoke-free... I know- you get it... His: smoker (even though our daughter has asthma, no rules, no bedtime, McDonalds and poptarts, dirty house, foul language, fights with girlfriend, etc. Our daughter was always very anxious when she had to go but I insisted out of fear of legal issues- At times, I had to literally PULL her away from me while she was SCREAMING "please don't make me go" only for him to get angry with HER. It has been horrible. I found out last year that in the past five years, he has had four DUIs, suspended lic. through 2009, driving with our daughter in the car and asking her not to tell me, smoking IN the car, (she has missed NINE days of school this winter due to upper resp. infec upon return from daddy's) and because I can't afford an attorney I have been forcing her to go... it's gotten to the point where she is now vomiting in the car on the way, EVERY time. I finally said "enough" when she called me at work and declared that she did NOT want to go anymore, that she is big and nobody should MAKE her. She said he is MEAN to her, ignores her, begs her to go to the store with him then leaves her in the car (turned off in the winter). I called the courthouse only to find out that the agreement through our mediation was NEVER SIGNED... we have NO order. WHAT ARE MY RIGHTS and WHAT can I do? I have not sent her. I told him that he is absolutely ENCOURAGED to come to OUR home to see and spend time with her, but that his environment and choices are not healthy for our daughter, she doesn't want to go to his home but wants him to come to her. He called her almost right away, yelling in the phone at her, hung up and we have not heard from him since.
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!!!!! PS... SHE STILL has NO interest in seeing him OR talking to him- now she is scared of him because of the way he talks to her.