I just got served paternity papers by someone I was engaged to years before the 1-and-only-night-stand in the late 90s. She broke my heart several times (including the termination of our engagement in the early 90s. A month or so after the one-nighter she told me she was pregnant.

I wanted to do the right thing, and went to her 1st doctor's appointment. The doctor gave her an "age of the fetus" that must have spooked her. She turned me off and eventually told me to leave her alone. I was not the father and she just "wanted to be happy".

Even though I was going crazy at the time (essentially became an alcoholic) I respected her wishes but occasionally (not in a stalking way) checked up on her occasionally and noticed that her car was not always at home after midnight and occasionally another car was in her driveway. I suspect that there may have been (at least one) other man even though the timing of the birth matched up with my one-nite-stand. I waited for her to call me until about a month after the birth.

I needed a change of venue and took a temporary employment position out of state which turned into a full time position. Now 8-1/2 years later she starts the paternity suit! In the mean time, I have become married and have 2 kids of my own. Now, I'm the one that "just wants to be happy", but she is not leaving me alone. Fortunately I told my wife about her during our courtship and she is aware of this most recent circumstances. She is loyal to me but I know that if I have to give up 20% of my income to support this woman (who refuses to get a full time job inspite of her teaching degree) and her son that it will make finances more difficult for our family.

Once again this woman is causing me emotional anguish. I am filled with anger against her. Forgive me, but I want nothing to do with her or her son. Her suit requests no visitation, only money (retroactive to the birth of the kid) and health insurance for the next 10 years (until the kid is 18).

I have done a ton of research and spoken to attorneys who site the "procedure" and the inevitability of a DNA test.

I'm looking for any legal and/or non-legal advice.

excon

Hello trn:

I don't think my advice falls into either category. I'm just going to tell you what's so. I'm not a cop, and I'm not your preacher.

You're right, there will be a DNA test. If you're the father, you'll be obligated to support your children. Not because the law says so, but because life demands it. If you're not the father, then what's the big deal?

Who said 20% of your income and who said you'd be supporting her? Bunk! Don't listen to crap like that. Those payments aren’t written in stone. Hire a lawyer. You'll need him to negotiate for you IF you're the daddy.

Finally, I don't care what you think about her. Your son had nothing to do with it.

excon

PS> I’m a dad with 3 sons. I'd like to have 6 more.

trn11

You are absolutely right about the son (mine or otherwise). I really do feel sorry for him. And it's not so much about the money as what it might do to our family. One way or another we will deal with it. 20% was the suggested as the statutory obligation in Illinois. I already have an attorney in mind, but I will check with him on your answer on the 20%.

kanicky73

I believe that if you can prove that there was neglect (which in your case would be no contact with this kid) for over 5 years, that you might be able to terminate your parental rights and might not be liable for child support. I am by no means an attorney but I seem to recall a similar issue on here and that was brought up. It sounds like she heard about your recent marriage and just wants to mess with you. Shame on her!! What has she been telling this poor child for so long? It's women like her that give the rest of us a bad name.

Fr_Chuck

Sorry, Kanicky is 100 percent wrong, it does not matter if they wait 10 years to contact you and claim you are the father, if the DNA tests turn out that you are the father, you will have to pay child support, a good attorney most likely can get it so you don't have to pay back payments.
but there is no way not to pay child support if and when you are found to be the father.

The only way to get out of it, would be for her to remarry and then the new husband adopt. And depending on your state, her work status may or may not make a difference at the amount you pay. For example here in TN the child support is set just off of your pay, her pay has nothing to do with it.