Hi there. I have a question in regards to modifying a visitation order. My ex right now has reasonable and liberal visitation. He is an over the road truck driver and pops in and out of town whenever. He does give me notice but I have attempted many times to try to talk to him about coming to some type of arrangement for visitation. Now mind you we had a nasty break up and I have been more than generous in seeing his daughter. But I don't feel that it is fair that I feel like I'm living my life around him. He took her for Christmas weekend then it was 3 weeks before she saw him again. But it seems that everytime we talk we end up arguing and it is never about our daughter, it's always about him! I didn't pick his job he did. When we were together he always managed to be home when he wanted to if there was something that he wanted to do. Now he says that he wants her 3 days, then I have her for 4 days and vice versa. I don't like that idea either. I just wish that we could come to some type of agreement without having to go thru the courts, but I think that is my only option and I know that he will drag it out in court.

Am I being unreasonable or not? What should I do?

cdh

It is best for your child to come to a mutual agreement and keep it friendly. I am a single father myself however my ex is good about letting me get him when I can. I travel alot with work myself and it makes it easy when we get along. If my son was not in the picture I probably would not speak to her again. By keeping it friendly and that means sacrifice by both of you your child will be much better off assuming that your ex doesn't do anything that would endanger the child.

s_cianci

Has there been an actual court order stipulating days and times for visitation? If so, then he should stick to it. If the present order is inconveinient for him because of his work schedule, then he should return to court to have it modified. If he won't do this then you should file a motion in court yourself. Visitation orders are worthless if nobody's going to adhere to them. Out of fairness to all involved, custodial parent, non-custodial parent and child alike, the visitation order that is established should be one that all parties can reasonably adhere to while preserving the rights of all concerned.

Sweetbutnotsour9

There are a lot of undermining reasons why we don't get along. When I left him, he stalked me for a period of time and I had him arrested for it. He has also involved Social Services in regards to the man that I am with now with some very damaging accusations. This has been - - excuse my french - - Hell on all of us. I have been very generous when he requests to see his daughter and I have bent over backwards for this man. No, there isn't any visitation schedule besides that the fact that he can have liberal and reasonable visitation with his daughter. It's just not working for me anymore. I have tried to get his family to help out with visitation, like his mother come pick up our daughter and he even ticked her off so that she no longer is willing to mediate between us. I just don't know what to do. I am trying to be civil about all of this.

CaptainForest

Ummm, that is not French. Sounds and reads more like English to me.

Stop being civil with this man, since you obviously don't want to. Don't let him see his kid anymore. Make him go to court go get some sort of visitation schedule worked out. Don't give him leeway anymore.

That will show that Fils de pute. Now, that’s French!

Sweetbutnotsour9

Stop being civil with this man, since you obviously don't want to. Don't let him see his kid anymore. Make him go to court go get some sort of visitation schedule worked out. Don't give him leeway anymore.


That kind of makes me feel that I'm not being reasonable! I'm not trying to keep him away from her at all. But it is starting to affect my current relationship because he keeps interfering. Not just with his petty threats or even his existence, what he did was wrong, very wrong and he feels that it was not his fault at all.

CaptainForest

if its starting to affect your current relationship, keeping him away IS the reasonable thing to do. Is this the way you want to show your daughter how a man can treat a woman?

Until he learns to get his act in order (or at least goes to court to get visitation), keep him away since he obviously doesn't deserve to be around any kids if he treats you like this.

Sweetbutnotsour9

Deep down inside I know what I should do, but I just don't want to give him any crutch to stand on in court. He has numerous times told me he was tape recording our conversations and that he will use them in court against me, because I let him push my buttons. I don't want anything to do with him whatsoever. I would rather go thru the courts and use an officer of the court instead of dealing with him at all.

And no I do not want my baby girl to be exposed to any of this. It's not her fault that her father is this way. I never say anything bad about him around her, never would. I told him before that if she grows up to hate him not blame it on me cause he did it to himself. But she is only 3 and she does need her father, I'm not denying him that. He just needs to accomodate his daughter rather than try to harass or try to control me by using her.

Sosdog

you dont have to do anything you dont want. if your court filed papers suggest nothing more than 'reasonable visitation' then it would be assumable that reasonable, being a subjective word, is related to what 'you' feel is reasonable. not what 'he' feels is reasonable.

although i cant say ive ever heard of a visitation schedule referred to in that sense.

Sos

Fr_Chuck

It is always best if the two of your can come up with an agreement. And even then it is only as good and as long as the two of you agree unless you go though court it won't be binding.

Divorce and child custody is never easy and also hard on the child, they often can feel the trouble and sometimes feel it is "their fault" sometimes.
So be sure you both let the child know both of you love them and nothing is their fault