I recently lost custody of my daughter and no one knows why. I am capable of taking care of my daughter full time. I have nothing that hinders me from taking care of her (i.e. drug issues, alcohol issues, abuse, neglect, etc.). The judge gave custody to a man who does not take care of my daughter properly and he is not her biological father, he is her psychological father. Her biological father is involved now. Her "psychological father" knew he was not her father before she was born but refuses to admit it. A DNA test was done and proves that her biological father is her real father. The judge never said that the reason he was giving custody to the "psychological father" was due to me being an unfit mother. My question is, does there have to be a reason at all if any, and if any, does it have to be due to me being unfit or can a judge just simply say "you get custody and you don't, just because'? I don't have a criminal background, I have tried committing suicide almost 2 years ago but since leaving him have no desire to do so anymore. I was never declared by DHS "a danger" to my daughter. I am currently 7 months pregnant and able to care for my children. My daughter is 9 and is very unhappy with the current situation. I have no proof of the things that the "psychological father" does or says but from my daughter he tells her things like, I sleep around, I never took care of her, I can't help her with her homework. I am a high school graduate and have taken some college. I don't drink but maybe once a year, I don't smoke at all, don't do drugs of any kind except Robitussin () and halls, maybe advil for headaches when i'm not pregnant. The "pyschological father" surfs porn online while my daughter is at the house. The type of porn he looks for is barely legal. I have old e-mails from an AOL account he used to have under me when we were together that shows pictures of the girls he was trying to meet. The posts of these e-mails say things like "18f4m" or "your little girl is waiting". I just recently found out that my daughter is now moving into his room because she is afraid of the dark and being alone and since she cannot be here with me full time she doesn't want to be by herself. He (psychological father) does not encourage her in any way to not be afraid of the dark so that she is able to be in her own room, his solution is to move her into his room, in his bed. Some of these things were brought up in court but never investigated. I lived with this man for 8 years and he is very predictable and peculiar but i'm not sure what else may be going on and no one wants to listen to me because he tells them that i'm crazy and everyone believes him. Is there nothing I can do. I had seen in earlier posts that someone mentioned that they could not afford a lawyer. My situation is somewhat like that but don't think for a minute that because I can't give $3000 to a lawyer that I cannot afford to take care of my daughter. I take care of my daughter on a daily basis not on a lump sum. Lawyers want it all up front not in payments. So to my original question, How do I find out why the judge did not give me custody when I was never found to be "a danger" or an unfit mother AND is there anything I can do to help my little girl from the situation she is in?

ElizabethSe

I understand what you're saying about referring to him as that but thats what they refer to him as. I just shortened it on BOTH. psycho and bio. Unfortuantely if someone else interprets it as an insult that is not my fault. In court of course I am educated and I have never referred to him as a psycho if that is what you mean. He is considered the "psychological" father. I'm just not going to type that entire word every time. Not that I need to explain myself but there you go!

And no to answer your question, when I submitted the DNA test the Stand-in judge said he would NOT ACCEPT it into evidence, however the final judge that will always be on our case has. I'm just as confused on that part as you.

ElizabethSe

You're actually wrong on the first part here. The judge has given the BIO dad rights. He is involved and that is why they are calling them "PSYCHOLOGICAL FATHER" and "BIOLOGICAL FATHER". The real father did challenge it and he is involved. He never knew he had a daughter by me. We had one night together, I found out I was pregnant 5 months after we were together and by that time I had no contact at all with him whatsoever. BUT the "PSYCHOLOGICAL" father knew where her "BIOLOGICAL" father was because his sister is married to my daughters real fathers brother. He knew the whole time how to get a hold of her real father and everything. I just found him a year ago and told him that we have a daughter together, he didn't believe me so we went to the American Red Cross and got a DNA test not blood test and it says he is her father. Like I said before I understand that because he is on the birth cert he has certain rights. My question was never about why does he get any rights, my question was if the court has to have a reason as to why I do not get custody when I'm not unfit and have not been proven to be unfit, what the hell is that reason because it was never told to me, verbally or written. And I still understand that it is not going to be in the order!

To answer the second part, I am concentrating on why she should live with me and not him but things like that take time. I have to document everything which I am. Each time he withholds phone calls that have been designated and visitation that is also designated I am writing it all down. Saving voicemail messages that he leaves. I know how the game is played and have been playing it for 2 yrs now. My original question was simply how do I find out the reason why I did not get custody.