My wife and I divorced in the last year. We do not have anything in the divorce that states that we could not have live in "mates", I tried she wouldnt agree. She has custody of my two children, in the event that this just staying over turns into "living with" do I have any rights. My son 7, already wants to live with me, but I tell him he has to wait for me to move there because I dont want to seperate him from his sister. I live in Va, while they live in Fl, I'm trying deperately to relocate, but have yet to find a job in that area. I know we will date but I absolutely dont want my kids in that type of enviroment, even though he seems like a nice guy I just disagree with it.

Chery

Correct me if I'm wrong.. but your ex has a new boyfriend, right? If so, and you are legally divorced and share custody of the children there is nothing you can do to prevent her from living her life as she pleases. If he winds up being an abusive person, or your children feel threatened (don't give them any ideas, kids should not be used in arguments like this!) by him, and they tell you so, then you can discuss this with your ex and have the children move in with you, but you'd have to do this legally. So, live and let live, maybe the kids just might enjoy having two adult men to lean on when in need. And it's no longer your business who your ex-wife shares her time or body with anymore. You gave up that right when you signed the divorce papers. The best thing for you to do is love your children and guide them through life as best you can, but don't ever use them as pawns, they will not forgive you for that. Good luck in gaining equalibrium back and start a new life of your own.

Chery

Why is it that you don't share dual custody? Who's idea was that - if it was your's then you have no leg to stand on, but check with a lawyer. Give it a chance, don't be bitter about this as it will only hurt the children. And jealousy is way out of line here, maybe it was from the beginning???

shenda

When we make decisions for the Best, for the common good, we open ourselves to be introduced unto those, "I would prefer nots"...that is expected...you are high on morals; however, not so that you were willing to contest the divorce for the sake of your children...please understand what I am saying to you...for whatever reason,...the marriage ended...legally...now there is a newness to how things will be done...look at this positively...your children will be well-rounded...learning to see the world from various vantage points which will help them shape personal perspectives from a broader base...the safety of the children is important...the support of the children is important...your ex-wife's mental health is important...she is the primary influence of your children...you truly want her to have a healthy, vibrant outlook on life, this is crucial...best that she feels good, is happy and not bitter, blaming you for....

s_cianci

Your concerns are certainly justified from a moral viewpoint. I wouldn't want my child living in such an environment either, regardless of how "nice" the live-in boyfriend may seem. Unfortunately, there's no legal barrier to two consenting adults choosing to cohabitate. Also, since she has custody of the children, that makes it all the more difficult for you to object. You don't suggest in your post that the live-in boyfriend is in any way abusive to your child or doing anything illegal such as peddling drugs. With that, you'd have almost no chance to convince a judge to issue a "no cohabitation" order. I'm presuming that the home in which your ex-wife resides is one to which you have no proprietary rights. If by chance you do, that could possibly be a way for you to establish an order of no cohabitation. If not, then your chances are slim to none.

fredg

Hi,
If I understand your question, your ex-wife has a "live-in" boyfriend, and you don't like it cause she has custody of your children, and you don't like your children being in that type of environment.
There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. When you divorced, it simply means you and your ex now have nothing legally in common, or anything in common anymore, except your children. She can do what she wishes, as long as it doesn't create a "very bad" living environment for the children; such as drugs, very unhappy home, beatings, leaving small children unattended, locking them in a closet while you go out, etc, etc, etc.
More than half of all marriages end in divorce now, and I am sorry your's was one of them. But, regardless of how you feel, if your children live in a good home, be happy about that.
If you move to where they are, then you can seek out a lawyer, see what your chances are of getting custody of both of your children. Your chances are very slim, until they both get older, maybe 12 or so, before any court will listen to their wishes.
Best of luck,
fredg

Chery

I agree with fredg. As far as an environment for the children, check out the schools today, at least half of the kids know all about divorce and take it as a common issue in today's society. It's better than sticking together for the kids and fighting like cats and dogs in front of them. At least this way your children are reassured that they are loved by both of you, what more can a child in this era ask for? They'll do just fine, and you'll soon be closer to them, so don't worry.