Hello!
I am new here and I beg you for your pardon if it is not hte right place for my post!

I'm writing on behalf of my sister who has a 10 yr. old son by accident. She was sleeping with 2 different men at the same time and became pregnant. She was relatively sure of who the father was and he assumed the role. Well, now that the child is older, it's very evident that he is not the father because there are no physical similarities. Now the biological father wants to be part of this child's life. The man that has raised him is not okay with this. Now, the child does not know that the man raising him is not his father.
The biological father lives 2.5 hrs. away and would like to see him 1-2 times per month. We will need to break the news.
What is the best way to do this and what do you say without causing emotional problems for this child and his legal father?We were told by counselors to have both fathers, mother, and child see a counselor and have the counselor tell the child the news with everyone present. What are your suggestions?
Another question-What will be the legal consequences of such action if the legal father resists ?
Thank you in advance!

stinawords

We really need to know what state this is in because different states have different laws. In some states there is a statute of limitations upon which the biological father can no longer try to gain rights. As for the couseling I think that is a great idea if the parents decide to go forward with it but after we know what state it is in we can help a lot more.

Fr_Chuck

actually no, you can not be 100 percent by "what the child looks like" my adopted child looks more like me than my regular children. do get a DNA test before you jump into any agreement

progunr

AGREES!

You MUST determine paternity prior making any arrangements.

It is only fair to the child, and the two dads.

confused1145

My personal opinion is that the family should tell. It may hurt the child, but he will probably understand better that way than if some stranger tells him.

stinawords

I couldn't agree with Fr_Chuck more, you absolutely have to have the DNA test done first.

califdadof3

depending on the DNA results. If the bio dad isnt the man your with then since this other man hasnt been a part of this childs life. Maybe he might be willing to sign over his rights so the man your with may adopt him I know it sounds bad but if hes facing 10 years of back child support it might change his mind. If you can get that to happen and he signs papers of no contact then do not tell the child until they are old enough to comprehend the situation.

VictoriaWillson

Thank you very much!!!
Ohio

Maybe there is no need of DNA tests...My sister and the legal father have 0 blood type,my nephew has AB.
Here is the problem...
No one wants to take away anything away from the legal father since he’s been a decent father to him all these years.My sister said him that it was possible for him not to be a father but he said it did not matter for him. I don’t blame him really, but no-one is trying to hurt him.The bio father does not want to replace him.He wants contacts with his child and he wants his son to be informed about the truth.
We are really worried...

stinawords

I hate to break it to you but the if the kid has AB blood and the "mother" has type "O" then she isn't the bio mother either. Trust me I studied this stuff a LOT in college you get one part from the mother and one part from the father so I would HIGHLY recommend DNA testing even more now.

GV70

In my view there are four aspects in this case: Social,Moral Legal,and Psychological.

The old question-“What makes a father” is still unresolved.One part of the society assumes that the DNA is a conclusive evidence for paternity and DNA results should control all paternity disputes.Other part assumes that there is more than DNA to be a parent.
Where is the truth?
The truth is over there…
Some states have biological imperative as their legislation and Court practice./ as Arizona and Ohio for example/. Other states have social imperative/ as Michigan,Florida and etc./. Third part of states have time limits and the best interest standard /as New York , Oregon…/
No one of these three types of legislation can satisfy the society.
Biological imperative;
Let us imagine a case: A child was born …17 years later the biological father stepped on the plate saying:”You are no one here, I do not want you to be a part of my child’s life as you did last 17 years.You were a baby-sitter, caretaker and etc. but now I have rights-not you”.Of course, the court upheld his claims.
Do you think it was a moral and fair act?
Social imperative:
A husband was duped and cuckoolded by his wife, but the Court said “Who acts as a parent-he is the parent and in this way he is obligated to pay child support next 18+ years”
Do you think that it is moral and fair to impose obligations upon a non-parent?
The truth…is over there.
I like the best the third way-the best interest of the child/ren has to control where there are competing presumptions.

Only few men understand that there is no an absolute right-there are rights which compete with the rights of others.And rights have to go together with obligations…