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sdc719 · Nov 9, 2007, 04:32 PM

I have a 4yr old son that I gave birth to when I was 17 and made the biggest mistake of my life by giving my son the guy's last name and putting him on the birth certificate. I also made the mistake of filing for child support and though he has non- custodial rights he has not been in contact with his son for nearly 2 years and he does anything he can to stay under the radar with the child support and medical support. He works jobs that pay cash, switches jobs and doesn't report them and quits when they start taking out the child support. He is given access to my home phone and address from the attorney generals office and him and his girlfriend call my house and drive by my house harassing me and my family. I want to know how I can get him to sign over his rights and how I can change my son's last name. I am about to get married and my soon to be husband is wanting to adopt my son and we don't think the drama between us and my son's donor are worth it so can I legally terminate his rights or do I have to challenge him in court. I also forgot to mention that he won't voluntarily sign over my son even though he is trying to avoid paying child support... he is very immature and thinks it's a game.

cjonline · Nov 9, 2007, 05:37 PM

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm even more sorry to say that without the fathers agreement you can't take away his rights. You can't change your child's name without the fathers say so either.

Keep after the support, take him back for non-payment or call your worker if its at CSE.

You can call the police when he is around your home or call the phone company and have your number changed. If he takes you back to court for not being able to call his child then explain things to the Judge, however it doesn't sound like he will take you back to court.

macksmom · Nov 10, 2007, 09:48 AM

You could try to take him to court and file abandonment charges on him (if he hasn't see or paid child support in "x" amount of time, varies state to state). You could do this in hopes of him being found guilty and then you could try to have his rights terminated.

These are only things you could try if you wanted... but if the bio father contests this in any way, no judge is going to take away his parental rights.

And as stated... you will need his consent to change your child's last name once you are married... if he doesn't consent there is nothing you can do.

It seems his main issue is child support... have you tried to use that as a bargaining tool. You should let him know, once you are married (and most judges want you to be married at least a year before your husband could even adopt the child)... you could tell him once adopted by your husband, he will no longer have to pay child support.

s_cianci · Nov 10, 2007, 09:52 AM

If you already know for a fact that he won't voluntarily sign over his rights then there's your answer. Your husband-to-be wouldn't be able to adopt your son without the biological father's consent. You can try by filing a motion to adopt in Family Court and bringing to light the fact that he's behind in child support payments but if he won't consent then it's not going to happen.

JudyKayTee · Nov 10, 2007, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

If you already know for a fact that he won't voluntarily sign over his rights then there's your answer. Your husband-to-be wouldn't be able to adopt your son without the biological father's consent. You can try by filing a motion to adopt in Family Court and bringing to light the fact that he's behind in child support payments but if he won't consent then it's not going to happen.

Cannot speak for other States but in NY you CANNOT lose custody or visitation due to non support. (Obviously if you are placed in jail for non support they won't let you out for visitation but other than that... )

I am not aware of any Judge who will entertain a motion to adopt without the documentation which contains the father's relinquishment of his rights.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 10, 2007, 12:02 PM

Normally you can't, you can try and make his life hell till he does, get him sitting in jail for non payment of child suport, ( if you state does) get his drivers license taken away. Garnish money from your job.

Shell_Lee · Nov 12, 2007, 12:51 PM

Don't give up hope. You are def going to need to hire an attorney. Just because the father won't sign over his rights, doesn't mean that this is over. If he has not paid child support and has not seen this child for some time, take him to court for child abandonment. I have been hearing more and more cases about this. Some judges are starting to look at this from your stand point. Here is a guy that wants to be in this child's life and support this child. The father, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the child, but won't sign off. Why?

Also, not all judges require people to be married for "x" amount of time. They take a look at how long the, in your case, man has been in the child's life. I do know this for a FACT because I do have a friend going through this right now. I also will be heading to court in the near future (year or so). I am going through the same thing as you - father won't sign off even though he wants nothing to do with the child.

JudyKayTee · Nov 12, 2007, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

Don't give up hope. You are def going to need to hire an attorney. Just because the father won't sign over his rights, doesn't mean that this is over. If he has not paid child support and has not seen this child for some time, take him to court for child abandonment. I have been hearing more and more cases about this. Some judges are starting to look at this from your stand point. Here is a guy that wants to be in this child's life and support this child. The father, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the child, but won't sign off. Why?

Also, not all judges require people to be married for "x" amount of time. They take a look at how long the, in your case, man has been in the child's life. I do know this for a FACT because I do have a friend going through this right now. I also will be heading to court in the near future (year or so). I am going through the same thing as you - father won't sign off even though he wants nothing to do with the child.

What State are you in?

ScottGem · Nov 12, 2007, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

Also, not all judges require people to be married for "x" amount of time. They take a look at how long the, in your case, man has been in the child's life.

Usually this is mandated by law. Only if it isn't does a judge have discretion. Also the termination of rights is a subject covered by law, and almost all jurisdictions do not allow an involuntary termination unless the parent presents a danger to the child.

Shell_Lee · Nov 12, 2007, 03:07 PM

I live in Wisconsin. I have talked to a lawyer about all of this.

ScottGem: You may be right for some of the states, but not all. As the lawyer put it to me, "What happens if you have a man and women live together for 10 years with the women's child. They finally get married after the 10 years. Do you think a judge would say that they have to be married for "x" amount of time even though they have been together for 10 years already - just not married?"

Here is a website that I found to have some VERY good information with ALL states covered:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwi....processSearch

Select your state and under "Child Welfare" click on "Grounds for Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights"

ScottGem · Nov 12, 2007, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by Shell_Lee

ScottGem: You may be right for some of the states, but not all. ... Do you think a judge would say that they have to be married for "x" amount of time even though they have been together for 10 years already - just not married?"

That's not the point If the law says a couple needs to be married then the judge has no discretion. It wouldn't matter if they were together for 15 years.

By the way, that looks like a great site.